x 2

Also, is all his time accounted for? He said he is a workaholic...does he work late? When he is not home or coaching your son's sports, is there any time unaccounted for?

Even though H makes all the income, do you have joint bank accounts and credit card accounts?

yes, his time is accounted for. sports make up the majority of his free time.

We have joint accounts.

I told him that I would like if he posted here and he is here. This is how he is at first. I don't want to be too hopeful because the problem is follow through and not initial start but I am glad he's here at least.

Markos,

I noticed that you posted to Hope about sports. I actually like that Matt is in sports, I just want to be consulted beforehand. As it is now, Hope just puts him in things and I find out later. If I was just "in the loop" and had equal part of the decision making process, I'd be GREAT with that.

Thank you so much!!

Then are you giving him time to prove his actions or are you done?

Gracie,

I am sure markos understands that. Let him work on Hope. Independent behavior is just one of your H's many problems.

I would stay with him if he was consistently following this program. It would have to be consistent for a certain period of time, maybe 6 months to a year for me to believe it at this point. It's been 20 years of lack of follow through.

OK.

Are you okay with that?

Start planning for a separation as a backup plan.

Yes. I am OK with that. I think after 6 months to a year he will have learned enough from this program to at least have the skill set needed for it to work (I don't think he has this right now).

Separation is my plan if he doesn't follow through.

As of right now, DS is to go to Europe without either one of you? The trip is already paid for?

Is Hope at work? Does he have internet access at work?

No, he is not going. It was a trip for my son. It's not happening now though because I put my foot down, said that I didn't approve of my young son going to Europe with a bunch of ppl we do not know just to play Lacrosse. I was not comfortable with that at ALL. Hope agreed to that, not without a lot of convincing but he agreed.

He does have internet access. He's in IT and he's constantly on his computers (he has 2 comps, maybe 3, and ipad).

He didn't pay (thank God!) or we'd be out 3,500. right now.

It appears that there is no hope for us.

Hope emailed Dr. Harley (he said at least) and said that Dr. Harley told him that if the same issues that he had come to marriabuilders were still there (not having sexual interest in his wife, dishonesty and angry outbursts), to reach back out to kim. He hasn't done that.

I found out that Hope was lying to me about quitting smoking. I stayed with him as he quit and raged for an entire YEAR. He took Chantix and he became even MORE rageful than usual. It was Hell for the entire family. I caught him smoking yesterday. Found out he had been lying about it for the past month or so.

Another issue is the UA time. Hope has only halfheartedly attempted this. He gets angry that I'm not acting happy and exuberant and loses interest.

He got angry with me today because I expressed dissatisfaction with SF. Last time we had SF was maybe 6 mos ago.... I expressed my feelings calmly, didn't raise my voice. Just said what was on my mind. Hope, however, raised his voice, destroyed a personal piece of my property and then ignored me rest of day.

^that was the ONLY interaction we had today. We had zero UA time yesterday. He asked me if it was "OK with me" if he could go to a sports game tomorrow. with DS. I was shocked TBH. That will last all day long. So no UA again.

I think I'm done. I can't handle much more. I tried to nut shell things but basically it seems as though Hope is just doing the bare bones minimum (and not even THAT) to keep me holding on. I honestly can't even stand him anymore.

Am I over reacting?

Weren't you advised to separate from him (ask him to leave) until he gets his anger under control?

What is your plan?

He won't leave, Brainhurts. He seems to feel it's " his house" and he's entitled to act as he wants. I am planning an exit. I wish I had another choice but I can't see it.

Hope got angry that I posted and said that apparently it was I who was supposed to seek out Kim since nothing had changed since we last spoke to her 2 yrs ago ( news to me).
And tried to tell me that the "reason" he destroyed my property in a fit was because I spoke about sex, and had the GALL to mention that he can't keep me trapped without it ( plus the dishonesty, rage, etc). To just let me GO if he won't follow the program. I said that I had a right to find happiness, have sex if not with him than eventually another person. What I said was that I'd "love to have an opportunity to have love, fun, sex at some point in my life. If not with you Hope than with someone before this life ends". He thinks that justified finding a very personal object of mine and breaking it in half. It was a sex toy ( sorry to be so blunt). Is that reason to break it? I use it after 6 months with NO SF whatsoever ( I also have used it when WE have SF). Did he act appropriately??? If so then why do I dislike him??

Want to add: the reason I got the sex toy to begin with was for US. Hope would ignore me all day and just expected me to be ready for sex. Only way I could achieve it. There was no affection or anything that would make sex a natural occurrence otherwise. Don't know if that matters.

I can't live like this. I'm so tired of being in an oppressive, neglectful marriage where my husband refuses to do basic things like honesty and controlling his temper.

Gracie, have you read what your husband posted to Dr. Harley on the private forum and what Dr. Harley's reply was?

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2830241#Post2830241

No Markos, I haven't read what he wrote to Dr. Harley.

I clicked on your link but said I didn't have access so I couldn't get to it. Can I get access?? If so, how?

Thanks.

Gracie, send Kim an email and let her know you don't have access.

Ok, thanks Markos. How do I contact Kim? I don't see her email here.