My wife and I have been married 10 yrs. together for 12. Had a beautiful marriage for many years when we began to drift apart She would always tell me she wanted more More affection more time more this more that. I never felt like I could live up to her expectations. So it frustrated me and pushed me away which only made things worse We loved eqchother madly so it sucked not being able to give her what she needed. I mistook her longing for affection as her complaining which turned me off to her sexually and again made things worse. I went through years of talking to other girls. I guess having and emotional affair. Never wanting to physically cheat it was my stupid way of communicating about things I was too ashamed and embarrassed to talk to my wife about. So it was easier to talk to random strangers than to her and I realize how immature that was and what affect it had on my wife. So she has had trust issues with me for awhile, We've been through so much together but I see how much I've let her down over and over.
We recently moved closer to her home In a new state I'm a fire fighter and she is a nurse. We have a 2 yr old amazing blessing in our daughter. We had a brief little spat of words back in October something so small and just to quick to the effect of.. "You go do it..no you do it..no you go do it." So small. Not even an argument. Just pushing each other's buttons. My wife decided that was it. And she left. Says she wants to be alone now. Wants to divorce. Wants to be by herself. She loves me but not in love. That her heart has changed and she's done. Needless to say I am behind devastated !!!! I love my wife to death. More than anyone in this world. I have begged and pleaded and cried daily! I should have made changes a long time ago. But it took this to break me. To realize what I have. And what's important. I was too selfish for too long. Now I'm broken and feeling abandoned. We just bought a new house in August. Things had been seemingly going great. And I've been kicked in th gut! Blindsided!!!
Now she is so unwilling to try. Despite seeing and acknowledging the changes I've already begun to make she says too little too late. She has so much guilt and resentment. And bitterness that nothing anyone says can reach her. She is running from god from her family. From everyone because anything they tell her just makes her mad. I feel like she knows she making a mistake but will only focus on the negative thoughts to continue to fuel her desire to run away.
I'm heartbroken behind comprehension. I don't want divorce. Ever! I'm not a quitter. I have done and will continue to do anything nd everything to resolve this marriage. But she won't so anything. We so go to counseling but only because that's the ken place where someone kinda has her back and won't pressure her to do anything I'm at a point where I dunno how much more pain and despair I can handle. This is the holidays and I love family and being together. Now I'm all alone. It's unbearable. Please help. How can I reach her and save this family! Thank you all

Welcome fireman, I'm sorry you are here. But you will find amazing help.

Sounds like your wife might be having an affair. I would ask the mods to move this thread to the SAA forum, you will get more help there.

Hi fireman, welcome to Marriage Builders. The reason nothing is working for you is because you don't know the true cause of the breakup. You are being given false reasons to throw you off track. The reason she left is because she is having an affair.


The last statement indicates she has a new point of comparison.

What you should do is very quietly start snooping on her to find out who the man is. Don't accuse, just quietly watch and gather data. When you get the goods, DO NOT ACCUSE, come back here and we will help you use this intel to save your marriage.

"She would always tell me she wanted more More affection more time more this more that. "

What was wrong with that? Did you not give her affection before?

Melody Lane is right. She's probably having an affair. Don't tip her off that you are suspicious and start investigating. We have a whole forum of how to undertake operation investigate.

Is she a nurse at a hospital??? They are rampant with infidelity.

All if the comments she made to you are stock script for someone that has found a new point of comparison, either emotionally or add physically to it.

She recently started an affair.

Do the snooping discreetly to find out who and the vets will tell you how to blow it up.

LTL