This goes back a little but I believe worth mentioning. Time to give back a little to this site.

I am married 25 years, we were together from highschool. Married in our early 20's.

About 5 years after marriage, with 2 children then, I suspected my wife was falling for a guy she worked with. We were in our late 20's, he was 8 yrs older. One night after 3 hours of talking she finally admitted she had feelings for him. They would talk in the mornings over coffee but that was it. She suspected he felt the same but it never went further.

I asked if she wanted to separate, she said no. We eventually hugged and she told me she would distance herself. We did start to spend more time together, eating lunch often. We worked a few blocks from each other. I originally asked her to quit that night and she agreed, but I changed my mind a day later.

The guy did leave 3 years later, but I always wondered. About 10 years ago I discovered this site. Naturally it dawned on me....how could she not? Being there every day, the addiction? She did "seem" guilty when the topic was mentioned...and there were many other signs. Some I probably fabricated on my own.

I had discussed the idea of a poly a few years ago. She agreed but we never followed...she was more reluctant right before going. However she never admitted anything more...ever.

A few weeks ago I finally had the nerve to call. The person I took could not be more experienced....PERIOD. Manuals used in Canada and the US are written by him. If anyone wants, and if I am permitted, I would give his name.

Anyways....she did pass (a pass is anything over 3, she scored 14). The whole thing took about 3 hours. The actual test is only 10 questions, of which my questions are 4. Test is repeated 3 times.

It has brought much closure, and I hope that some of you out there do look at this as an option....even so many years later.

Thank you to those that post here....you have no idea how many read without ever joining. Hope this helps.

chap, thanks for sharing your story. I hope you all can put the affair to rest now! Welcome to Marriage Builders.

Chap,

Thanks for sharing that, did you ever speak with the OM and get his take on the relationship? Did the OM ever attempt to contact your W through the years?

Did your W feel relieved to have taken the test?

What were the questions you asked?

My WW had an affair before we were married 20+ years ago. Although many here would argue it was not an affair.

Funny thing is I engineered a meeting between the OM and my W and the OM still had very strong feelings for her.

God Bless
Gamma

That is just about the stupidest behaviour I have ever read about from an MB poster.

It makes as much sense as inviting him to spend the night in bed with your wife to see if he still has very strong feelings for her.

This post gives me hope. Your W's situation seems so much like my W. I wish my wife would do a Poly, just to ease my mind. I have made up every possible scenario in mind.

Good for you...Now you can move on with a clear mind.

Did you do that before or after learning about MB principles? What on earth possessed you to do that? If my WW comes back, I'm going to take every possible precaution to ensure she never has contact with her AP again.

Thank you all for the welcome...Given my situation I feel like I have been a part of this place for over a decade.


Will try to answer all:

I never spoke to the guy, other than occasional hi's. We were always polite to each other. Once he left the company we never heard from him again. I do know that my wife did not really care for him towards the end, there seemed to be animosity. There are so many things like this that played on my emotions over the years.

Regarding the poly questions..

She was asked if anything physical ever happened between her and him. She was also asked if she had been physical with anyone else since we have been together.

You actually spend close to 2 hours discussing everything with her and the examiner beforehand. ie...You have to define what the word "physical" means fist.

During this time you can ask her anything, which I did. Together we all formed the questions, making sure everyyhing was covered and understood. He even asked her if she went online to look up poly tests. He also asked her if she was lying about any of our conversation.

She was a little uncomfortable talking about sex with an older stranger, but that quickly wore off. Infidelity is nothing compared to what these experts have to deal with.

She said she was looking forward to the test to put my mind at rest.

Roughrock18, if you learn anything from my post it's this....just do it...NOW!.

If she refuses to take the test then you haven't properly explained to her why she should.

My wife never questioned my trust in her....she knew very well I didn't trust her. We wouldn't be in this situation if I did, and she should do everything to make sure I do trust her. This is the logic you need to bring to the table. If she still refuses then YOU need to make the next decision without her. This is not about control, this is about both of you being transparent, whatever it takes.

At all times be a gentleman, never ever raise your voice. This is a rule you should both follow. If she raises her voice, politely tell her that it's best to resume this conversation another time. This is key to ever advance

Hope this helps.

I'm glad you put your mind at ease, chap. And thanks for sharing this for the sake of others who come here for help.

Welcome chap and thanks for the information regarding polygraphs.

It would be wonderful if you could also add your information to this thread so other posters may learn from your experience.

Thanks.
Polygraph Testing