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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
BrnHurts: I have reviewed the list and there are some items he is following, others not so much. He has downplayed his affair so much so that he will fudge a little here, a little there. But I see that I need to get serious. This will be my roadmap.
I now believe that keeping this awful secret, especially from my children is not serving them or our family well. Nor me.
I'm scared, but hopeful. Thank you all for your comments. Right now I feel 8 ft tall!
Looks like I've got some reading to do. We are here for you. Exposing sooner than later is better. It will probably answer some questions your kids may have. There's probably some questions they've always had and could never figure them out.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 8
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no, I cannot confirm he has had no contact. He now has a company phone and I cannot look at phone records. He says he has no contact. He insists I look at his phone if I get nervous about his transparency,which feels good, but it is possible for him to delete his activity.
Trust does not exist in this relationship.
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Joined: Aug 2011
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Trust does not exist in this relationship. Nor should it. Trust is one of the last things that is restored in recovery, and only after extraordinary precautions are in place in the marriage that make trust possible. As Dr. Harley has often said, there are conditions under which all of us can be trusted, and there are conditions under which none of us can be trusted. If you want to have trust, you have to create the conditions under which it can exist.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Im stuck on the fact husband lied and cheated for 10 years with OW. A third of the marriage. Not sure I can rebuild.
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Joined: Jul 2013
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Im stuck on the fact husband lied and cheated for 10 years with OW. A third of the marriage. Not sure I can rebuild. Hi sunnyside, I'm so sorry for the pain that this realization causes. 1/3 of a 33 year marriage here also. This program still works though, I can vouch for that. You need to personally do a mass exposure, including to your children. No one would fault you for deciding to end the M, that is your choice, but you still need to expose so that you (and your children!) won't have to forever live with these skeletons in your closet. If you do decide to re-build your M, Dr. H 100% guarantees the outcome when both partners work together and follow his plan exactly.
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good! 
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Thank you, blindsighted. I'm sorry for your pain, too. And am happy for you that you and your mate have found healing. This is very encouraging to hear.
Regarding exposure: Before this forum, I couldn't imagine outing his behavior. Yesterday I discussed this with a close friend. Not only was she in favor of such a move, she gave 3 powerful examples of how exposing heals!
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Good sunnyside! So are you getting your exposure list together? Read Melodylane's exposure link and try to follow it as closely as possible. With such a long A (my H's was a 12 yr A), it will be very entrenched. You are going to have to take care to hit as many exposure targets as possible. Go to OW FB now before she has a clue that this is coming, and copy down all of her friends names. Some of those may be family, and that will get you started with who to expose to. Do this NOW before they are onto you....afterward she will certainly block you from FB and maybe delete it all together. You need to expose to her parents, grandparents, siblings, close friends. Can your friend help you to compile your exposure list?
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good!
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
When will you be exposing?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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