Thanks, pm18. I pray that God will soften the hearts of all our WW's. I hope your wife doesn't stay angry, too. I wish mine had gotten over her anger sooner, but as face and axslinger pointed out, I believe her AP is coaching her against me, just like your wife's AP has been coaching her against you. It was fascinating to read those exchanges.

***EDIT***

They are definitely "coaching". I believe OM was trying to sell her that: "the exposure was trick, a tool from MB to isolate WW from everyone, leaving you no choice but to stay with BH. It was just another example of selfish behavior as BH has shown you your entire marriage. Remember all the loneliness, disrespect, inconsiderate things he's done. The lie he told you when he said it would be better and you wouldn't be alone or neglected again. You have to get away from him for your own sake and that of your son's. I am your friend, I'm here to tell you the truth and to help you." Sounds just like what Satan would say.

Exposure sure has seemed to work out exactly like Dr. Harley says it usually does (no surprise there):
1. Angry spouse (fitting the exposured wayward almost textbook)
2. Ends the illusion/fantasy
3. Brings it out into the open, shining reason and logic on the situation
4. Helping the betrayed spouse
5. Ends the affair within 6 months: I'm hopeful this just happened on this past Friday.

It's amazing, I think of exposure like this:

• Ephesians 5:12 - "But everything exposed by the light becomes visible�and everything that is illuminated becomes a light."
  Ephesians 6:14 - "Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waste, with the breastplate of righteousness in place"

Of Plan A and recovery (motivation and hope):

• We must persevere for the promise ahead, not become subject to and let our feelings control us, as MelodyLane has in her signature: 2 Timothy 1:7 - "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
  
• To paraphrase and use for my purpose (Jeremiah 24:7) here, I will give to her through my actions a heart to know me, she will become my person, and I will be hers, for she will return to me with all her heart (through a lot of work from both of us).

I should mention that my WW asked me in her email specifically not to be contacted for any reason other than working out legal and financial stuff. Should I just lay off at this point? This is the only link I've got left other than relaying things through her parents. I'm wondering about another run at a restraining order if I don't comply here.

After rereading the last bit of this, I think she wants me to believe she is prepared to file. She refers to this as the "last leg" of the situation before divorce.

My situation is a bit different from yours, Ax. But, my WW has made requests for me to not contact her on several occasions. I have respected the requests for a day or so but eventually I "slip up" and contact her about something she had requested I not. She usually fails to maintain her half NC after a few days. However, I have the advantage of my son. WW has to talk to me on a regular basis in regards to his care. I have opportunities for her to forget her requests.

I don't know if your WW can get a restraining order based on kind emails you sent her. It sounds preposterous but, my WW's RO was preposterous when it was served to me. Didn't she already try to get a RO against you? Or was that OM?

Can you even file a restraining order against your husband for sending nice messages? I'll defer to the veterans, but I think you could send a Plan A message along with financial stuff. Then ease back into it. That's kind of what I did. I sent my wife a message about the license plate on her car. She replied, and then I started contacting her with other things not business-related.

I ended up just focusing on Plan A and telling her the property stuff was the work of attorneys. I also told her I could not agree to give up on her, with regards to the emails.

If she wants to take Plan A emails before a judge and ask for an RO, let her.

Sounds like you did the right thing. It will be interesting to see how she responds. My wife simply ignores anything that isn't divorce-related. But I'm going to keep sending Plan A messages.

I will say...I had a whole email typed up with a point-counterpoint response to her...BUT...I deleted what I typed and just went back to the template Justthe3ofus gave me for how to do this.

Arguing is no-no, and the express lane for DJs with me. None of that!

Fog babble is such nonsense, it's so tempting to want to argue with the wayward!

I was informed that, at least in my area, restraining orders are given for almost anything. My WW's RO was absurd, and they granted her "immediate relief" with no notification to me. The court scheduled a hearing 2 weeks later in order to decide if the RO was justified. So, at least 2 weeks of being looked at like a criminal, and maybe I could prevent it from being 1 year.

The RO cited no recent events at all, no need for "immediate relief" in my opinion. It had no provable claims and mostly completely false ones. The court is more concerned with their own liability than 1 man's life for 2 weeks or 1 year. All that seemed to matter to them is that WW filed it and said that she was scared of me....and that she's a woman.

Agreed, it is such nonsense. Good decision, I have the same problem with arguing.

As I'm sitting here letting this process, this email today was about money.

She asked for a gun (already having taken one when she left) because she figures we had 4 so she gets 2 of them. Interesting theory but what I read into that is PAWN SHOP. One of the guns I inherited and isn't marital property so her math is off anyways.

She also asked again for the vehicle title to be signed over, and offered the sweet option of me keeping the vehicle, but instead paying off the loan she took out from her parents, since it was supposedly to fix said vehicle. Wayward logic is hilarious. She independently borrows money from her own parents for something, and I'm supposed to pay it back when I had no part in her decision.

She talks pretty tough about divorce and filing, but it's hard not to read between the lines here as her being desperate.

Also I realizing that she wants me to agree to divorce so she can relay my willingness to her family. They've been hammering her pretty hard on their disapproval of D.

This wasn't a courtesy, this was an attempt at subterfuge. She could file without my consent, I'm in a no-fault state.

PM18,
When I saw the Dolphins lost today, I pictured in my head, that OM having a meltdown. It made me smile...

I think all of you BH's seem to be doing a great job at plan A'ing. Try to stay positive and focused on the end goal. I am praying for all you guys, and I have a feeling there are a bunch of others out there doing the same. Keep up the good work, because you guys can all be examples to others, that if you stick to the plan, the marriage can be restored. I wish you guys the best.

Thanks! Yeah fun thought. He's a bigger Cardinals fan, really too bad they came back and won.


Thanks for the prayers and words of encouragement. I know I have a lot of work to do for and on myself, regardless of what happens. I'm optimistic. I think the affair has ended and exposure did what it was supposed to do. WW is still willing to entertain the chance of recovery, I have a great support team here to keep me focused and motivated. I really should have signed up here last year and gotten great advice and motivation. Lots of things I should have done better, but that's in the past. All we can control is the present and make sound decisions and actions to build a better future.

Axe,
Good job in not falling into the argument trap. Her affair is going to crash and burn, and when it does the fog will dissappear and you will be her best option.

In the meantime, space out your Plan A love bank deposits. Don't smother her and don't appear desparate. Be a rock of strength and caring.

She will be angry and irrational about exposure for a long time. Let time heal that wound. You are at the stage where patience is your best friend. So remember that slow and steady wins the race.

It was actually both in separate filings. I'm that special.

BUT

They're just friends, mind you. What's a couple restraining orders among friends?

Thank you for the perspective, I was hoping you'd chime in. You're like the reference case for what I'm trying to do here, so I want to make sure I do it right!

I emailed Dr. Harley my story tonight with a question about the situation of WW out of the house, since we seem to have many in this boat.

Glad to see BHs supporting each other. No matter what happens good or bad follow the plan.

Let us know when you hear back from Dr. Harley.

My in-laws should be back in town this week. They support me. They love, but don't support WW. I'm hoping this will cause OM to begin to meltdown as cause more conflicted feelings in WW. They refer to OM as "Scumbag". He betrayed them. When he divorced they allowed him to live in their condo for cheap until that came back for the season. He used this situation to work on destroying their daughter's marriage.