With regard to addicts...addicts become addicted to a substance because it makes them feel good despite the world around them.

Your wife is in a special place because her substance is NOT making her feel good right now. This a time where you can capitalize on her realization that her addiction isn't making her happy. She knows her affair was wrong. She knows that her affair isn't making her happy right now. Punishment will not bring her back to you.

The way you break an addiction is to cut off the access to the substance. In this case, your wife is willing to be a part of that process. You absolutely need to be firm in getting her to cut off the other guy. You also need to FOLLOW UP with extraordinary precautions to HELP her maintain separation from her addiction. I emphasis HELP here because it is a mindset. You could view it as FORCE her to maintain separation, but the reality is that people have a tendency to RESIST FORCE. So a more approachable mindset is that you want to HELP her resist the addiction.

If she will let you, you really want to be around her as much as possible right now so that she can see that you still love her AND so that YOU can be the person she needs. (in a soulmate affair, she doesn't think you CAN be the person she needs. You have to prove her wrong)

What happened as a result of your workplace exposure? I can't find anywhere that you updated us on this.

If they still work in the same workplace, this is hopeless.

Another thing I think you should consider is being her champion.

I promise you that your wife is embarrassed right now. She is probably afraid of how to interact with you, your family, and your old friends. Figuring out how to integrate back into your old life can be a very daunting task. If you can find a way to tell your family (mother, father, kids?) that you and your wife are working on each other to rebuild your marriage, she will see your confidence in her and it will raise her up. Defend her when you can. If someone tries to give you crap about her, make sure she knows that you defend her mistake. She is not a bad person. She made a mistake and you STILL LOVE her.

When she talks about her affair, tell her thank you for trusting you with that information.

I went through the very same thing through which you are going. Only I was on the other side. My ex almost had me back, but right at the end, she punished me when I was the most vulnerable.

Like wonder said, addicts hit rock bottom. Who is going to be the person to pick her up? Hopefully you.

**edit**

moderator's note: DO NOT POST ON THIS THREAD AGAIN!

What does "prepping for no contact" mean? What did she say she is prepared to do? Is she prepared to leave her job?

Also, did she say anything during this conversation about getting back with you? Did she ask you to go home?

Bull.

Why? What difference does it make if she ends it on her own or not as long as it ends. As quickly as possible.

No wayward fails to recover because their spouse "punished them when they were most vulnerable". You are laying way too much responsibility for the failure of your marriage and failure of your recovery at the hands of the betrayed spouse you committed to NOT CHEAT ON. Perhaps 4 years into recovery we could discuss a former wayward bailing on recovery in a "when to call it quits" manner where the betrayed spouse is still not moving on, not getting over it and just making everyone miserable still but that discussion is NOT to occur while contact continues and recovery hasn't even started.

Get out of here with this wayward enabling trite.

BUT...you are promoting and encouraging him to soften her fall. Sure he wants to be there to pick her up and support her as she crawls out of her hole but you are getting your cart before your horse.

my thoughts are to be there to offer her a hand to stand up, but not pull her up. She will have to get up on her own, and stand for a bit on her own before we begin walking.

It's tough to see the good this close in. If "everyone already knew" then there's absolutely nothing for her to be upset at you about. It shouldn't bother early recovery in the least and YOU got to demonstrate just how far you are willing to go to fight for your marriage and demonstrate that you cherish her and your marriage more than she probably suspected.

In fact, in time, your biggest regret won't be exposure but rather that you waited at all to actually do the exposure.

I am asking you what happened as a result. I am asking you about Corporate's response. How did they respond to you, and what did they do about their working together? If you wrote to the CEO and VP, they were obliged to respond to you.

I'm not asking how she felt about it or what she told you about other people already knowing. I'm not asking for fog babble.

on the other hand, it's not uncommon for a wayward spouse to ACT like exposure wasn't a big deal, everybody already knew, blah, blah, blah as a manipulative technique to hopefully get you to STOP exposing. They may even indicate the are "willing to discuss ending the affair and reconciliation" as a means of tricking you into allowing them one more day or week with their affair partner.

You can bet there were a few key people that didn't know at the office that were left out of the loop. Like maybe the recently divorced and betrayed part owner or boss that could be your biggest ally by having a serious talk to your wife. One of the benefits of exposure is there are secret betrayed and former regretful wayward spouses everywhere that "get it" and are willing to share their experiences with someone they discover is in the midst of it. You find allies in strange places.

Mr. W

There was No response at all. and I emailed it to 3 addresses.

She is at work and this was the text I just got, I have not replied:

"Just because I said what I said today doesn't mean anything for us I appreciate you being there as a someone to talk to please try not to read to far into me speaking to you"

Looks like she felt herself being attracted to you, so now she's pulling back.

I want to agree. What is my next step. My gut tells me a little distance is in order.

Your next step is to continue Plan A. Plan A does NOT involve distancing yourself. If you distance yourself, you will appear uncaring and it will not be attractive to her. It will only drive her away.