Just curious about anyone's thoughts...

Quick background:

I met a great woman on a dating site. We eventually met and have gone on 7 or 8 dates over the past 3 weeks. We get along great and really enjoy our time together. We thought about going on an overnight trip, but she thought maybe not until we really get to know each other better. I was fine with that. Our last date was a movie night at her place. Things eventually led to cuddling which led to us making love. We both enjoyed it and it was a great evening. Everything progressing nicely in hopefully a great new relationship.

The next day we met and she wanted to talk about the night before. She said she had a great time and she wants to continue dating, but thinks that we should not have sex for a while until we get more involved. I believe sex is a very important part of a relationship and I'm not sure how to understand her desire to refrain from a sexual relationship at this point. We've known each other for 3 weeks and talk everyday about everything.

Am I reading too much into her putting up a barrier at the beginning of a new relationship?

Sir,

Dr. Harley discourages pre-marital sex.

EDIT: Also, you've known her for three weeks? Use the brain God gave you and think: Is it worth getting this woman pregnant? Is it worth a possible STD, etc

Maybe she doesn't want to feel like a booty call or keep her head straight given that you have only known each other three weeks. Whatever her reasons, she doesn't want to have sex until you are 'more involved.' What that means to her, I don't know but she is obviously not comfortable continuing the sexual part of your relationship. If you can't respect her decision, then break up with her.

She made a huge mistake having sex with you so soon. That greatly complicates a relationship and is not a good idea. If you are serious about her, you need to leave sex out of it.

According to Dr. Harley, most women need two things in order feel the desire to make love:
* an emotional connection to the man they are making love to
* the prospect of enjoyment

If the sex is physically enjoyable for her but the emotional connection takes a turn for the worse, then her enthusiasm for sex will wane.

Many or most women need to have permanent commitment from a man in order to sustain the emotional connection. Given that there is no permanent commitment between the two of you, my guess is that her feeling of emotional connection to you peaked, then the next day as she took stock of her relationship with you, the emotional connection vanished in the absence of any permanent commitment.

Many if not most women are going to feel this way, so what I teach my sons is not to do this to them because of the pain and guilt it can cause them. Sex is an incredible way to hurt a woman. Many women today believe it is natural to have sex in the absence of a permanent commitment and may be willing to do so, at least if the emotional connection is strong enough, but many of those women are going to have regrets and second thoughts. Sex just doesn't feel right to a woman without an emotional connection, and you could vanish any time, so I assume it will be difficult for her to feel a lasting emotional connection to you.

Most women hate wondering if they are the main attraction, or if it's the appeal of sex.


Women usually don't want sex unless they are in love. Further they don't feel it's wise to have sex unless they are loved.

So you've made her fall for you. She wouldn't have had sex otherwise. However she was a bit foolish this early on. Now she's being wiser and more cautious.

If you're worried about compatible sex drives, don't be. It's the woman who has a lot of sex very quickly you need to be concerned about.

You've probably met one. Insatiable in the short term - because they are doing it for you / novelty's sake. It dries up within months.

A woman who thinks about long term happiness (and what she needs for the safe, secure environment most women need for sexual pleasure) will sustain a longer drive.

Play the long game. She slipped up because she has a healthy drive and things are going well. Now she shows wisdom in trying to keep it.

Besides, don't you think it's boring when there's no pre-sex discovery period in the courtship?

Most women I speak to, do.