Hi everyone,

I went through the entire site and advise posts but needed to have a second opinion on my current situation.

I am married since '99, we are a young couple with a lot of communication and good sex. Three kids and a prosperous economical life.

The last weeks have been quite odd in her behavior and an accumulation of small lies are giving me a bad feeling about our relationship.

I am kind of puzzled because events dont match with her explanations and she is very deflective about talking until things are clear to me.

Last week while we were having a conversation regarding if we had to help our family economically or not, we agreed that we should aim to a fair relationship and share the same level of understanding to each other as I was asking her if we could help my mother now that she is old and retired. I have been economically maintaining her brother full family and mother for the past 5 years.

Having a fair relationship also includes transparency I said. I wish to have the same access you have to my things ( cell phone, FB, whatsapp, phone, etc). I was requested to give her access but I thought I never needed to ask the same because I trusted.

I told her that I was going to take a peak to FB history and she stopped me there. This is when everything started.

She told me that she wanted to tell me something that happened a few weeks ago while I was abroad. That a boyfriend she had when she was a teen had contacted her through a friend in common living in the country we are right now. She said that it was an unrequested conversation and that she had no contact with her ex-bf.

The lady who "volunteered" to be the nexus had apparently no reason to forward my wife a photo of him posing together with some friends at a restaurant. The photo seemed to have been taken especially for the moment.

When I proceeded to download her profile, my wife changed her password and couldnt get in FB again. Unfortunately for her I was able to get a download of her activity log. I told her before I wanted to do that. I know it sounds creepy, I just couldnt hold myself.

I then found that she added and eliminated someone with the same name than her old ex-bf, its not a common name but she says it wasnt him....He seems to have no FB account though atm, my wife told me that yes, she was stalking him 5 years ago, and that was just curiosity. Whatever that means.

She followed her lies by telling me that the FB she contacted was just a young kid with the same name. She showed me an account named the same, but of a kid that was not more than 11 years old. Well, it doesn't make much sense to me because 5 years ago that kid disnt have a FB account for sure. As a matter of fact his timeline ended in 2012.

The discussion had no ending and I requested please to read the conversation she had with her "friend in common". She had deleted it already.

This is when I started to read the forum and thought the worst. I was ready to start the process of forgiving. although she never admits to have done anything. I know from LinkedIn that this guy has now a regional job and travels to our country regularly since 2012.

Yesterday we were going together to the spmkt and she left the things and headed to the exit without talking or even turning around, she asked me to follow her outside. I am too stupid to realize things on the spot. She told me that it was better to go to another spmkt because she once found a glass inside the food.

well I didnt buy it, but she spent the next 2 hours not answering me a word.
I think she is cheating, what is your reading?

I very much think she is cheating and is having an affair with this man. I would stop asking her any more questions and hire a PI and quietly slip a key logger on her computer, spyware on her phone and a GPS on her car. When you get the goods, don't say anything, just come back here and we will help you with next steps.

It doesn't sound creepy at all. That is what a responsible spouse does. There is nothing wrong with snooping. There is something wrong with leading a secret second life and hiding things from your spouse.

Thanks
For replying

I would like some other opinions also

I find it very aggressive these exposure tactics. It will also affect me personally.
Do you really believe she cheats?

I need to make her admit it then, before exposing
How do i make her tell?

Those are Dr. Harley's ideas and I have outlined best practices.


Yes, affairs do affect the spouse personally. This is what you would need to find out with your snooping.


You can't "make her admit it.? And you shouldn't try. It is a waste of time. You should expose the affair and THEN you confront her.

This is not an opinion forum. We are here to discuss Dr. Harley's plan.

I thought I read I was able to ask anything regarding the subject here.
Why such an answer?

Well, how do I spy her phone?
She never leaves it alone and she erases her conversations.

YoungandBold,
So many people come on here with your same situation. The ones that make it through, and save their marriages, are the ones that listen and do exactly what these people say.

Don't let your emotions control your decisions. Read as much information as possible on this website, and follow exactly what these guys tell you. If you stick to it, the things that may seem extreme, will make perfect sense. Your wife is not going to tell you anything that she doesn't absolutely have too, and it is so important that you gain all the evidence you can on your own. Don't believe anything she says at this point.

Ok I understand

Rather than seeking other opinions, you need to realise that anyone who has been on this furum long enough will respectively provide you with Dr. Harley's advice, as garnered through their personal communications with him, their daily listening of his free MB Radio show and from wiser, more in tuned posters constant feedback on similar circumstances written on this forum.

A) Your Wife IS lying to you.

B) She IS involved with a POSOM.

C) She will only tell you minimal partial truths, mixed in with just enough actual truth to have you doubting your instincts.

D) Now that youuhave been questioning her, she will take stronger measures to conceal the facts from you.

E) You marriage is IMPOSSIBLE to repair while there is n ongoing affair, or even any contact with the POSOM.

F) Only when you expose the affair by following the properly instructed formula to hit ALL key people in your Wife's life and the POSOM's life, any progress you try to make will be met with defiance.

This is the beginning of trying to save your marriage abd henceforth, trying to save your own Wife from continuing the most destructive act she could ever possibly ccnsider.

You will be guided in following Plan A.

Read up on all of the freely available information on this site.

Plan A also means exposing the affair, whilst learning about any Love Busting behavior you may partake in with your Wiff. Further, while in Plan A, you can learn how to meet your W's most important EN's, (Emotional Needs).

LTL

Start Snooping extensively.

Computer keylogger, cell phone spyware, vehicle GPS and several hidden VAR's (Voice Activated Recorders) hidden in her car and other locations she may make verbal contactt plus hiring a PI.

The ones who take these examples to heart and fervently implement them without hesitation are the ones who have success.

LTL

What brand and model of phone does she use?

If it's an iPhone, there are instructions in the Operation Investigate subforum explaining how to get the info from her iCloud.

LTL

Can you get it while she is sleeping and put some spyware on it? What kind of phone is it?

Can you hire a PI?

YoungandBold,

I am sorry that you find yourself here seeking advice. The good news is that is is the most helpful place to be given your needs right now. Before we go any further, stop and take a deep breath. Exhale.

You need a plan, the people here can help you with creating your plan and help you stay focused on the plan.

Get the Book Surviving an Affair, read it. Read the Exposure 101 thread in MelodyLane's signature. Then visit the operation investigate forum.

Also, your wife is cheating on you, stop asking her about it. You will discuss it when you are armed with the information you need to make informed decisions. You are going to feel like things are out of control for you for a little while, that's normal. Working your plan will allow you to regain control and the feeling that goes with it. Be polite with your Wayward Wife (WW) try not to engage too much at this point though. Wait until you have done your homework.

Start reading, planning and investigating. Post your progress here and the Team will help guid you.

The only opinion you are going to find here is our interpretation of Dr. Harley's opinion. This isn't a personal opinion forum. We are all students of Marriage Builders. If what you are asking is, has ML got it right? - the answer is yes.