And NO part of that says to drive her to see her lover!

It's fogbabble. All waywards say that. Ignore it, and continue to expose.

Calm and collected, anyway. Walk in and start telling people. Probably a sober look rather than a smile, but still calm and collected and seriously asking for all the help possible from anyone who is willing to support you and your marriage.

"My wife is having an affair with that man there. Do you know him? Do you know her? I love my wife and I don't want to lose her and I am asking anyone who knows them to help support my marriage. If you can do anything to influence either one of them to end this affair, I would appreciate it. Do you know who their boss is? I need to talk to him. They are conducting the affair on company time with company resources."

Driving her to her lover is the COMPLETE opposite of Plan A.
It is not showing her care or protection.
It is telling her that she's not worth fighting for. That is the message she will remember from this.

Actually you are missing most of this.

For starters, you could be a best husband by not driving your wife to see her affair partner. That's like being a pimp. It reminds me of the time my wayward wife suggested that I could just get my sexual needs met through porn or a prostitute since she didn't want to do it. I don't remember it positively! She won't, either.

Also, you don't have no contact until she actually writes him a letter calling it off and takes steps to block contact for life.

I'm not really seeing much of this that you have.

Plan A IS exposing. Read the book - that's what it says. Plan A is to expose the affair.

The party wasn't 'official' so they wouldn't have been able to stop them from going - but WW possibly would have decided not to attend, and then packed her stuff and left. Or she would have gone anyway and spent the night with him. Affairs are common in her workplace, so whilst they may have been given a few disapproving looks that would be the extent of it. I should point out I'm in the UK and most Brits prefer to stay out of other peoples business in that regard. Exposing at work is different, but there's no rule/policy against personal relationships in the workplace as long as it doesn't interfere with patient care.

I've been trying to find an angle that could be used to prove it would be an issue, but I've been drawing blanks. Leave that to HR I guess.

I was waiting for a friend of friend to get OM's mothers details as they work together. Again, I'm in the UK and it's not at all easy to get hold of telephone numbers/personal info due to Data Protection and Ex-directory etc.

Not excuses, just things to consider. I should have exposed but I didn't. My fear of them spending the night together was too much (they've done that), I thought if that happened I'd be done completely. I don't know, I'm exhausted and confused and just not thinking straight at all.

I'm sorry

Ok, how about doing Plan A now? Knock off the pimpdaddy act and get your exposures done. She needs to see that you care for a change.

We texted him, I wrote the message she read it and told me to send, from her number (not mine). It made it clear that she was done, no contact ever again etc.

She's leaving her job as soon as she finds a new one, and she'll likely not be going back to work for the next 3-6 months anyway.

We're moving house - or at least I am, she doesn't know what she wants to do - to get us further away from him (20 minute drive, I know, but bare in mind we're in a big city in the UK and unless we relocate to the Highlands of Scotland we're never going to be far enough away. And that isn't an option due to disabled family members that rely on us.)

I'm also considering going into her workplace in person, speaking to her manager and then confronting the OM in front of his colleagues. Not in a threatening way, just to let him know that I'm prepared to fight for my wife and family.

I think I should point out that this guy is a lot of things, none of them good, but she's told him twice in the past that it was over and not to contact her and he never has. She has always been the one to instigate with him again - she's always told me this, and going through all of her messages with him it's clear that's the case. I'm not really worried about him contacting her (and she's told me a few times that he's concerned about me finding out and coming after him - not sure how true that is), she's always been the one to start it back up.

Thanks for being patient with me, I'm sorry if it comes across that I don't take what you say seriously - that really isn't the case - I'm just not quite on the ball yet.

Thank you Prisca, I had a feeling it was but right now I don't know what to believe!!

You should be very worried about her contacting HIM. Start raising holy hell in his life and run him off. You have been through 3 d-days and it is time to shut this deal down.

Do it! Chase him off!

That's my biggest fear, especially over the last couple of days. She keeps crying one minute and then she's upbeat the next - makes me paranoid! But right now, I know there's been NC and I agree that if I can start showing this POSOM that my wife is no longer an easy-piece of a**, he'll think twice before starting anything up with her again even if she does contact him.

Thanks MelodyLane

That's one of the beauties of exposure. If everybody knows, it will help to keep her accountable.

It doesn't matter. Exposing the affair to the light of day still puts pressure on the affair and helps to hasten its end. Even when exposed to waywards.

Prisca knows that if I ever have an affair the first place to expose is my own wayward mother.


I should point out that Americans are exactly the same, and that SugarCane, who you are replying to, is in the UK.

Most people prefer to make all sorts of bad decisions that enable affairs. We're teaching you how to be in the small percentage that succeed. Stop ignoring the advice!

Your wife is an easy POA and he will continue to take her calls unless you run him off. You can get rid of him by exposing this affair and THEN confronting him. It sounds like he dumped HER the other night and that is why she so willingly sent the nc letter.

You need to get moving here and rain holy hell on the OM with a nuclear exposure. No more excuses!

Here is the message you send to that weasel OM:

When you go visit that POS, I would leave your pistol in the car just in case.

Well, I'm in the UK too, and OW in my case lived in Belgium, yet I managed to find her home address, home phone number, husband's workplace and his work phone number all within the space of about 5 minutes, via the Internet. They were in the Belgian telephone directory but that's not what I found. OW has a very common first name and surname and I would never have been able to identify her out of all the people with her name living in Belgium.

On the Internet, I found the minutes of a meeting at which she was a committee member, and THAT document gave me all those details. The nature of the committee meant that the person with her name had to be the same person having an affair with my H.

Recently, I was trying to find the full address of someone who lives near me. The names of her family members brought up the Electoral Register. That register does not give full addresses, but it does give the full names of people who previously lived at the address. I googled those previous people, and they had put their postcode online when they asked an online solicitor service for legal advice, when they were living in that house. From that postcode (which only covers about 6 houses), I was able to work out the address of the person I was originally trying to trace.

You can find far too many details about people just by doing an Internet search. You don't know what documents might have been put online. If you are desperate to find someone, there is very little chance that you cannot do so, using online sources.

Gun possession is agains the law in the UK! If you're caught with a pistol in your car, you'll go to jail for a few years!