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I haven't yet. We've been out of town and I didn't want to do it around my family. I'm going to when we get home and sit them all down and tell them. All my family knows except my grandparents. I didn't want to worry them they are in their late 80's.
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My grandma, who is in her 90s has been an immense help in dealing with my WW affair. I wouldn't hesitate to tell them.
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My grandma is very very religious and wouldn't judge, all she would do is pray for us. I just don't want to break her heart. She tells me all the time that she feels so comfortable leaving this earth knowing her granddaughter has a wonderful husband and will be taken care of when she's gone. I just don't want her to know the pain I'm in and worry her self to death.
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Is this your show? Radio Clip of HeartBrokenlost's Show Have you told your children? How are you?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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HB, he will need to quit that coaching job. His affairs should be exposed to everyone involved, including your children. Response we talked about the coaching job and he will no longer coach. _____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.
Response he has and im not sure if he has revealed it all.
[quote=MelodyLane]_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again. Response he does not have any contact with either. _____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse. _____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP: _____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse). Response i do monitor everything. he wanted his whatsapp back for work and i let him have it back. he only talks to his employees. _____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers). Response i do know where hes at all times _____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent). Response yes i have all control over all the money now _____Spend leisure time together. Response yes we do _____Change jobs and relocate if necessary. Response not necessary _____Avoid overnight separation. Response we dont spend any nights apart _____Allow technical accountability. Response yes _____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends. this has been done to everyone but my 6 year old girls. i just dont feel comfortable telling them. they are young i wouldnt understand.
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_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse). Response i do monitor everything. he wanted his whatsapp back for work and i let him have it back. he only talks to his employees. 'Monitoring" everything will not stop communication. You are just enabling him by agreeing for him to have Whatsapp. He can easily communicate with the OW. _____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends. this has been done to everyone but my 6 year old girls. i just dont feel comfortable telling them. they are young i wouldnt understand. [/quote] Of course they would understand unless they are mentally disabled. Are they mentally impaired? Children usually understand as young as age 4. I don't see that you have taken affair proofing seriously at all. Your husband's girlfriend is still free to contact him. There is nothing we can do for you if you won't take these steps seriously. Your husband won't take it seriously if you don't..
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am putting a list together on what i need to do. here's what I have so far
1 delete both facebooks
2 change both cell numbers
3 im going to tell my girls
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I am putting a list together on what i need to do. here's what I have so far
1 delete both facebooks
2 change both cell numbers
3 im going to tell my girls Good girl!! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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he left this morning because he was sick of talking (he went to work)
im wanting to know if i should let him come back home? we are supposed to take our kids and go to the beach tomorrow. its already paid for.his mom and my neighbors are going. it was planned while i thought things were getting better then we had a fight yesterday and he left this morning.
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I am putting a list together on what i need to do. here's what I have so far
1 delete both facebooks
2 change both cell numbers
3 im going to tell my girls Good girl!! what else should i do on my list? what about letting him come back home tonight?
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he left this morning because he was sick of talking (he went to work)
im wanting to know if i should let him come back home? we are supposed to take our kids and go to the beach tomorrow. its already paid for.his mom and my neighbors are going. it was planned while i thought things were getting better then we had a fight yesterday and he left this morning. What happened?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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he left this morning because he was sick of talking (he went to work)
im wanting to know if i should let him come back home? we are supposed to take our kids and go to the beach tomorrow. its already paid for.his mom and my neighbors are going. it was planned while i thought things were getting better then we had a fight yesterday and he left this morning. What happened? it started over 5 hour energy shots. he said he wouldnt buy them anymore and he did behind my back. he did tell me he did buy them after the fact. the lie of him saying he wouldnt buy them anymore brought all the feelings back.
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the reason i ask if he should stay away is because i feel if he was gone he would have time to think and then he would get serious about fixing things.
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So we worked with HB a little today and I think we have a short term plan worked out.
DH is going to be coming home this evening. We figured they can't work anything out if they are apart.
They seem to have a problem with love busters, so HB is going to be working to eliminate these from her side of the fence. The goal of this is partially to show hubby the benefits of working the program and more importantly to stop the LB withdrawals.
She is also going to work her three action items:
1. Eliminate both Facebook accounts
2. Change both of their cell numbers.
3. Sit her children down herself and tell them what is going on.
We've gone over the reasons for all of these items so I believe HB is on board.
Her husband has indicated that he would be willing to go on the radio show with her so that is a positive.
I believe all of this is in line with what would be recommended here, but wanted to put it out there for the more experienced.
I also believe HB and her DH would benefit from some help getting their love busters under control (especially bringing up mistakes of the past).
Is there anything else we should be working into her plan right now? HB is currently at the point of being very upset that her DH isn't showing more initiative on his own. Reading, posting, etc. Of course he just wants it to all go away.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
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Sorry that probably sounded odd. I should mention that HB is a neighbor of ours who we have been talking with about MB. We sent here here for help since MB and this forum worked so well for us. I know she will get good advice here. More than we can provide on our own.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
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I am putting a list together on what i need to do. here's what I have so far
1 delete both facebooks
2 change both cell numbers
3 im going to tell my girls HBL, When are you going to start doing these things? I don't mean to sound harsh but those three things should not take long. You said you were going to tell your girls when you got back from your family trip and still haven't (don't know when you got back). You haven't told your girls and there is an upcoming beach trip...seems like you want to keep putting things off. There will never be a "good" time. The longer you drag things out the harder it will be. When are you going to do those three things?
Last edited by black_raven; 12/30/14 05:47 PM.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I have deleted my fb already and asked him to do the same. He has not yet. I also asked him to have mine and his number changed and said he will call the company. It will be easy to get our numbers changed as we don't have a local number so Verizon shouldn't give us a hard time.
He's not home from work yet so maybe he'll delete his fb once he gets here and calls the phone company. Again with my girls, it's just finding the right words for them. They are twins so yes they are delayed, one is more delayed than the other. I've been reading on how to tell them on their own level. I am ok with them knowing, it's just making sure I say the right thing and I'm ready with answers because they will hit me with a lot of questions.
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What did you tell DS9? You can't tell the girls the same?
My DD was 6 when I exposed. My son was 8. I told them the same thing.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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My son is 9 and I just told him and with who, as he knows them both very well. He is friends with both women's boys. All he said was " I guess this means no more baseball"
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Well, soon I guess. My husband signed up for marriage builders and I'm sure he'll see this soon.
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