I am still going to do drive bys and my friend will be watching also for me. At this time I can not afford $150 per hour for a PI. Although he refused and acted offended at a polygraph, I NEED TO KNOW. so for now, the snooping and spying on the house is all i can do..

But you DO know. You know he has had affairs in the past, and is refusing to take a poly now. There is only one reason to refuse to take a poly and that is because he knows he is lying. So you do already know.

I suspect that there have been many many affairs. Your story about the middle of the night speeding ticket made prostitutes come to mind. Whether there is an ongoing affair now or not is just a minor piece to the puzzle if that is the case.

But earlier you said that you would not entertain leaving him because you would be on the losing end. Aren't you already on the losing end? Most people would view a marriage of serial cheating amongst many other abuses as being on the losing end. You indicated that this was due to financial reasons. There is no amount of money that could be worth living like this is there?

If you would not entertain the idea of leaving, or set some requirements and boundaries for you to remain in this marriage (such as, take a poly and answer questions about ALL of your past and current infidelities), then there is absolutely no incentive for him to change his behavior.

Yes I agree on the ticket at 2;30Am and of course he will NEVER admit to what he was really doing up there..But on the other hand, I cant keep accusing him without any proof although his Home Depot story is awfully far fetched, I have no proof anything else happened that night

Finances is a big issue for me. Right now he does pay the "house" bills. so I can catch up on my credit cards, car payments etc and not worry about taxes, home insurance etc.
It doesnt mean I will stay forever if things do not change. I gave him specifics of what I need him to do regarding companionship and finishing over there and getting back here. I have an appt with an attorney and I am pretty sure that after 13 yrs of marriage, and since all his assets were gotten AFTER we were married, that I would get 1/2.

That would allow me some room to pack my stuff and move down to FL near family and friends and way from here..

The specifics you should be giving him are to 1) take and pass a polygraph, 2) follow EP's, and 3) commit to a program of recovery of your choosing (MB). If he is unwilling to do any of those things then 1) you will never know the truth, 2) your marriage will never be safe and 3) you will never be willing to create a marriage of extra ordinary care.

You seem to be setting the bar very low for yourself.

I think you're going to get a nasty shock as to how much is truly there to get half of. If you've not seen statements I would be prepared for them to be a fairy tale.

I would prove Home Depot isn't open 24 hours. Bust him. Call every HD in a 10 mile radius of where he got the ticket. Catch him in that lie at least. You need to punch every hole in his pathetic story.

That is a lot of legwork only to prove that there is not a Home Depot open 24 hours. At which point he will only make up another cover story, I could think of 10 off the top of my head and I'm sure an active wayward could double that. So it will prove nothing other than that he is lying, and she already knows that.

I would hire a PI and get this over with. Seems expensive but the PI can get you evidence quickly, whether that is an affair or driving into the city for hookers. Then you have the hard evidence you feel you need.

But *what if* the PI turns up nothing, and there isn't another woman *at the moment*? Then what? Do you continue to live this marital lifestyle of misery? I am not telling you to discontinue snooping, I am saying I think he is living a complete SSL lifestyle when he is not with you, and this is not just about uncovering a single affair. If that is the case, you need to think about your real need for hard evidence, and instead look at your marriage as a whole and whether you are prepared to live like this forever. Are you prepared to leave with or without hard evidence of an A, solely based on his complete disregard and lack of care for you?

Well I found my proof..I went in and checked every single ## from 90 days back on his cell phone bill. Back in October he called a ## that was strange to me, but it is a local number, so I googled it. Its an escort service! It only appeared once on his phone bill, and now I am trying to figure out how to contact them to see IF they will give me any info..I called the number but get a voicemail..

I feel like a complete fool!

What info do you need? It is a number to an ESCORT SERVICE. What exactly do you need confirmation on?

I am trying to point out to you that you are looking for some smoking gun, a picture of him in the act with some woman, or something, that you likely will never get. Meanwhile, trying to yourself explain away these coincidences to yourself, as if there could be another answer. Middle of the night trip to HD....possible. Calling an escort service...there is only one answer here.

(((Nochanges))) I'm so sorry this is what it came to. But very grateful you had to courage to look into and find out what was happening in your life. I encourage you to hit Notify on your post and ask for your thread to be moved to the Surviving an Affair forum, you'll find the vets for this situation there.

x 2

I would start gathering financial documents and prepare to file D ASAP. There is nothing marriage wise to save IMO. However, I would save your sanity. health and emotional well being and get off this crazy train.

I know there is nothing left..I am so freakin hurt and I guess feeling a fool!!! Maybe a mistake but I called him and told him I knew everything..he admitted calling and asking prices!!!! But denies going thru with it..WHAT AN IDIOT and I am supposed to accept this??

He said I know it was wrong, dont know why I did it..they were really expensive! OMG I want to strangle him..I had to hang up as I am crying so badly. He has not dared call me back..
I am calling the attorney tomorrow to see if we can meet sooner..

No matter what, it hurts and I feel like CRAP..he says the other day "i just dont have sex feelings" YEA duh! appraently not with your wife BUT you'll pay for a whore!!!

Go to Melody Lane's Exposure thread. You need to let people know about this.

Exposure should be done regardless of what happens with the marriage. You need the support and he needs the smack upside his head, ahem, I mean the accountability.

Escorts aren't cheap. There is definitely financial infidelity here too.

Get exposure lined up. By confronting him he will now know what you know and will be spreading lies about you to discredit you.

Stop reacting like this. Get smarter not madder. What does it help to tell the cheater things he already knows? Tell the people who don't!

Yes it does hurt. Sorry

You may feel like crap now but it will always not be that way. You have put up with horrible, uncaring behavior for years and will start feeling better when you remove yourself from it. It is not easy but eventually you will feel better.

Believe it or not this horrible period is your first positive step in years.

I would focus on filing first then expose. Check with the attorney if a Standing Order regarding property is issued at the time a Petition is filed or what the law says. You are entitled to a share of all property acquired after marriage even if it's only in your husband's name.

Stop talking to your WH too...especially about any legal matters. You will shoot yourself in the foot by talking to him. He does not care and will make things harder on you and try to scare you. Keep your distance and don't engage.

Personally I would be moving any joint account cash I could get my hands on out of his reach. Don't spend it until a settlement, just make sure he can't spend it or stash it.

Sorry my mind is on overdrive right now..

I called all his credit cards where I am an authorized user and had my name removed. I never use them anyways and Ill be damned if i am going to be stuck with them. Will make note to have lawyer verify..

Unfortunately we have nothing saving, checking that is joint. He has his accounts and I have mine. 3 of the homes are in both names 2 are in his name only but are crappy. the new car I just bought is in MY name only. His beloved Harley is in MY name and he paid it off but I have NOT signed the title.

His pickup truck was in my name, he paid it off last year and I did sign the title. Damn I am trying to think about every detail...The 2 boats are in his name only,,

His stocks account is in his name but I am listed as a beneficiary if something happens to him.. I am also the beneficiary on his $20K life insurance...

I am calling the insurance company when they re-open after the holidays and removing his truck from the policy. He can get his own damn insurance..

he doesnt have a FB , nor do we have any friends here. Friends are mine from work. His family , whats left of it, has nothing to do with him.

He had the nuts to call me and ask if i wanted him to come home??? I didn't answer his text. IF he is brave enough to come home, I sure hope he announces himself climbing up the back stairs before coming into the main house . I do not plan on talking to him at all in the mental state I am in. I've taken alot but I have the Latin temper and get blinded when in rage..soooo mouth shut might be a good idea for the moment..