On the plus side, I got a dinner invite from someone I am interested in knowing more. It won't work out because he's too far away on this trip, but it was nice to think that might happen in the future. Up to him I would say. In the meantime, I'm working on my stuff.

That is awesome news, I am sure it helped your self esteem just to know you still have it lol!!

And you are right it will come if just keep working on you and do not take second best ever again!!!!

Today was a rough day. Overly tired (known trigger), combined with wanting some more human contact than I'm getting in classes, combined with feeling left out of a party at school. A friend blew it off as a "Facebook thing", where a individual invites were not sent out, but since I can't see the Facebook page, it still feels hurtful. Especially since I spent the morning with the woman throwing the thing and went out of my way to help her! Oh well.

So I went grocery shopping and indulged in all sorts of good food, came home and updated my meet up profile, signed up for a local group, and gave myself a good pep talk. I started down the negative road but stopped myself - yes, the H did not value me, but a lot of that was *my* picking him and that can be changed. I will not pick like that again!!

On the plus side, I was exhausted since I had been up late last night, nervously putting off picking a play scene for the director to work through today on my piece for the spring. (I couldn't even look at the actors for the first read through - I was mortified at my own words.) But today, holy cow, it was amazing. What the director did was beyond amazing and I feel so inspired to rewrite the piece to improve it. And I actually liked (again) some of what was already there. So yay for that. There was also a film meeting where they were going over the costumes, set and production details for the movie (my script! ) that the school is shooting in early March. A dozen plus serious people, and me grinning like an idiot because I was so happy with the whole thing. The best part of that is I can be there, take credit, but don't have to do a lot of that work - or rather get to see the benefit of a lot of other talented people doing their thing and their work. So what a mix of a day. Super successful professionally, and feeling so low personally. It could be worse... it could be all low.

Early to bed is the best I can do today for a plan Luna way to take this one out.

Wow, all the crisis and hurt people coming to this board makes me really sad. You regulars are awesome to come here and help them.

I woke up and proactively came up with two nice things to do for others thanks to somehow here (SusieQ I think) mentioning that having the new found time to do that is one of the benefits of not being in a black hole relationship. That was a huge moral boost, and now have plans with girlfriends every night this weekend. Feeling blessed.

I am sure this did feel hurtful but may have not been intended that way. I know I personally am bad about things like that, I think someone already knows and then they find out and get upset with me for not telling them but I thought I did.


So true, now that you know that you DESERVE better you will pick better.


Well this was good and that is so important to have something that makes you feel good.

This is so much better sounding then your last post. Like we have told you there will be ups and downs but in the end it will all be so much better you will be AMAZED.

Huge triggers over the last few days. Did my taxes as a single person, the earliest I think I have ever filed, because of worries over all the money I had already paid for estimated taxes under both our numbers (but I am the primary, thank goodness). Also unpacking and feeling guilty over things he left behind like dandruff shampoo (yes, I felt guilt over that) and the inability to throw away my cardboard TV box.

But I talked to a girl friend and got through the day without making contact. That's a win. A small win, but I'll take it.

Sorry for your hurt Luna...I can relate. I LOVE my kid to death, but I wish so didn't have to have any contact (even via IM with this man). It just keeps me constantly reminded and triggered.

You are doing well though. Keep your chin up. How about starting a NEW activity? This is usually good for meeting new people. This is good because new people aren't embroiled in the past with you (although you need people who know what you've been through). This can help you with a fresh perspective.

PW - I do need a new activity. School is good, but in a way a trigger because of how I was in school and with the H last year. I'm like you in that it has historically taken me a long time to get over breakups. Once it took three years grieving for a one year relationship. In hindsight that was just a waste of time. I liked being married (for the most part) and would like to be married again and not spend a huge amount of time in grief. A to B. Now to just get there.

I was holding off on dating because I wanted to get my apartment in order, but I think I should try to do some coffee dates (online profiles perhaps?). I'm not that hopeful due to my age, and how invisible I feel at school, but nothing will happen if I don't try. So I think I should try, if nothing else so I don't just fall into depression.

I also had contact with the H back in November when I had to get the car title signed over, and figured out that the person he is and was dating (while we were married) was someone he has known since last spring and whenever I asked about her, his answer was she was in the GLBT group. Which isn't an answer. Well she's now in school with him (they are both grad students in the same program - she just started in the fall) and they are having a happy little life together, while I feel like my life is in shambles. This truly is the worst experience of my life. I know this is supposed to be about Luna and my recovery, but it is hard to not be hurt and upset about this. I also feel like a bit of a failure for not hiring a PI and exposing her as the specific person. But my decision was based on the fact that there were a string of women and it didn't really matter who it was specifically. Not sure if that was the right way to go anymore.

Also got kitty. She has been hiding for three days now. Just makes me miss my old cat that loved me so much she would chase off big dogs that scared me. This one might come around.

why would a married man be in the campus GLBT group?

i have a cat too...and he is very demanding and selfish. He doesn't care about meeting any of my emotional needs. He only cares about his own.
Meow, meow meow. Sometimes I hear that nonstop.

Edit: You should Plan A your cat. I think I may Plan B mine.

He was going to happy hour with some people 'from work'. Yeah. I never, ever did go to that place (cool roof top bar), even though I asked to. Huge red flag in retrospect.

Haha on the cat. I try to plan A her, but she perches on the highest shelf in the closet (I don't even know how she gets up there) and just stares at me. Bowls of food, loving talking... nothing is working on this kitty.

Your cat may not be a Buyer. She is probably just a freeloader.

You know, one thing I am starting to realize is that people do really reap what they sow, so I wouldn't think that he has a happy little life (even if it seems that way now). I have a friend who's husband just up and left for another woman while she was attending her grandfather's funeral in another country. Unlike us, she didn't "try" very hard as many MBers do. She asked him to stop seeing the OW, exposed to a pretty small circle and basically walked away when he refused to stop seeing the OW. She never bothered to figure out who OW was. She just Plan B'd ( even though that's not what she calls it) and got divorced. She also told me several times that she thought that they were living happily, while she struggled.

Well, she ran into someone who is still in contact with him the other day (it's been about two years now and about a year since the divorce was finalized). It turns our that this guy lost his job and is flittering from random job to random job. He refuses to even shack up with this affair partner (which makes her mad because he was married before) and has a "dead look in his eyes." None of this makes my friend feel great, but she realized that her life has been improving (she has a good job, house and goes on fun casual dates) while he has lost his wife, house, job and self-respect.

Nothing good comes to an unrepentant adulterer. Nothing. I know from personal experience that even my mom is evidence of that. She is in a terrible affairage and thinks that yelling and screaming is the normal way wives and husbands relate to each other.

Even my WH. Who knows what he is doing, but we moved 500 miles away from him. He may be "having fun" but who can live with their three year-old 500 miles away? Plus, he seems to be half way living out of his car. Yes, that mush have been so much better than living with me in our nice apartment with our awesome kid.

Sometimes I just have to remind myself that living in the gutter over nothing is not better than what I have. I feel down, but I'm not out. I know that if I keep following the path that God has laid out (and I honestly believe this is MB principles-when I do them, in better off, whenever I break them I am worse off), my life will be way, way better down the road.

I'm so beautiful and talented and have lots to offer. I google my name and my publication and resume pops up; I google my WH.'s name and a comic book character pops up (yep, he has a comic book character name-- not a very famous one though); and I google OW and cheater sites pop up (along with skanky photos from the past). Who is the best one off! Lol.

My point is, don't think he is better off. Chances are he isn't and even if he is "better off" right now, he won't be. It's not actually possible.

But I suppose in the larger scheme of things, it's the wrong thing to focus on anyway. This man was an idiot and left a beautiful, talented, loyal woman. That is the only person you should be concerned with because she is the prize, not him.

Also, I have never met a cat who wasn't in Plan B. I think they'd have intermediaries if you let them.

Maybe that why I am a dog person. They are natural Plan Aers. I like my pets, like I like my men-- totally loyal and borderline worshipful (j/k--kind of).

Thanks for sharing PW. Not everyone may recover their marriage (sometimes divorce is a success), but if they follow MB they will recover themselves.

It's always nice to see posters learn this and you can see their personal recovery in their own posts.

We are all MB warriors.

PW, I was able to read your response earlier today and it meant so much. Thank you. It's hard, but I am trying to focus on Luna and not the past.

Had another full night of dreams of him. I wish I knew what triggered those so I could stop it. It feels like a full life at night that is very different from reality. And often full of anxiety and trying to 'make things right'. Ex-hausting.

Dogs. Hmm. Maybe my old cat was part dog. I could see this kitty having another cat as an intermediary, but I'm not up for two animals. And scooping poop and paying for food for someone who ignores me is just not going to happen. Not after this past year!! I need loving.

BH - I am really hoping to see the day when I can honestly say divorce was the best thing. Right now that seems pretty far away.

I know, my friend. I know it's not something you want to hear (I know I didn't want to hear it when I was struggling with my pain), but time really does help you heal. The more you heal and concentrate on yourself the more he will fade away. One day you will wake up and not even give him a thought. Stay the course and soon there will be more and more happy days in between the painful days.

Much sooner than you think.