Well, if you don't find out who it is and run him off, you leave the door wide open for him to stay in your wife and daughters lives. Don't you have any inclination to protect your daughter? Is this the kind of creep you want hanging around your child? Even a halfwit can figure out who his spouse is having an affair with. This can't be that difficult.

You have had months of snooping to find out who this is. Surely you have some information?

I snooped and snooped and snooped. I checked phone records. I tracked her phone. She caught on to everything. I paid $2.5K for a ***** PI who didn't find anything. He probably just took my money and laughed. I lost $2.5K due to the pressures here. And what good would that info have done me?

I stopped snooping months ago so I could move on with my life. I couldn't sleep or eat thinking about a possible A. And what was I supposed to do, follow the PI around making sure he was doing his job? He showed me mundane information about her. Either he sucks as a PI or he just took random photos and pretended to investigate.

God, I came here for support during the biggest crisis of my life and I get people telling me to snoop again.

I don't want to know anything about the Dbag

I'm sorry she married him, just like I'm sorry I married WW

I don't even want to be M to her at this point. So whether she gets back together with him or not is out of my control. It only hurts me to think about it

You were supposed to find out who she was having the affair with, which is typically very easy to do. Most waywards are very sloppy so it doesn't take that long. There are many ways to find out. It usually takes about 2 days to get the evidence with a little effort. Have you gone through old phone bills? Hacked into her email account? Or used any of the numerous resources mentioned over on the Operation Investigate forum?

It will hurt you even more if he becomes the step daddy of your child because you did nothing to run him off. You can have a major impact on the affair if you will just do the footwork. It is not hard at all to run off a cowardly OM. Even the wimpiest betrayed husband can do that.

Helping you stick your head in the sand while a creep destroys your family is not "support." Your idea of "support" is to stick your head in the sand and let things happen to you. It is the path of the conflict avoider.

wtf, Melody. I was supposed to find out who she was having an A with? I spend $2.5K trying to do that.

My family is already destroyed.

It doesn't sound like you tried too hard. She was having an affair the entire time.

And the OM can keep inflicting harm on you and your family if you don't run him off.

Melody, give me a ***** break. I tried on my own and failed. She moved out of the house, changed all of her passwords. I had zero access to anything at that point. So I did the ONLY other thing that was suggested here, drop a months ***** salary on a PI, which turned up nothing. He was probably a crook. How the ****** was I supposed to know that? There aren't exactly BBB ratings for sleezy PI's.

OM is already gone! The A is over! Did you miss that part? And I believe her because she told me the date that he broke up with her. That was the day we closed on our house and she was a WRECK at the closing. She treated me and the realtor like crap. She behaved just like someone who was just dumped would behave.

I'm not going to spend any energy on preventing a second A with the same man from popping up.

Why is it that snooping is almost never mentioned on the radio show or in the books, yet here that is all anyone talks about? Want to be a good husband? SNOOP CONSTANTLY

He can't harm me any more than he already has. I'm not going to continue to be a victim if they get back together. When I first posted here, I didn't see any breath of life outside of my M with WW. I've seen it now. I'm not afraid. WW can do whatever she wants. That would be sick for me to try to control her decisions. I am going to be the best dad I can possibly be. And I don't believe my W is a bad person at heart, and she is going to do her best for D2, as well. If she marries a fellow adulterer, I can only pray that he is also a good man who got caught up in a bad situation. Dr Harley clearly explains that anyone can get caught in an A, with the wrong situation. Don't try to make me feel like less of a man because I'm not trying to control my WW.

What you don't understand [because you don't listen] is that affairs are typically on again, off again and as long as the affair is kept secret, they are free to resume it.


It is your prerogative to stick your head in the sand. It is your life after all.


Why is it that you don't seem to know that the idea to snoop to get the intel on the affair COMES FROM DR. HARLEY? Apparently, you don't listen to his radio show, read his forum or his books or articles.

Snooping is always the first step when there is suspicion of an affair. That is just simple common sense. You obviously can't save your marriage if you don't have the facts.

Can't imagine why any husband and father would want to PROTECT an affair especially when it affects his children.

Wow you really are trying to make me feel like a piece of [censored], aren't you?

I know that exposure comes from him. But snooping and exposure is like 1% of his content and 99% of yours