So I am new to MB and am hoping that someone out there can help. I am 27 and been with my fiance who is 24 for over a year. Her and i started out great and definitely work hard at keep each other happy for a long time. She did a lot for me and i don't believe I towards the last month i was treating her right. As a matter of fact i know i wasn't treating her right at all. She left me two weeks ago and is with her parents and has mad no contact. She said i was extremely controlling and didn't appreciate her. Which is true, i just didn't realize it till she left. At that moment i decided that i would would extremely hard on myself to improve if she gave me another chance. So far i have read ,Love busters, his needs, her needs, and he wins she wins. I also have been using the work book as well. I know after what i have learned, that i did every love buster in the book. She is the type to keep everything inside and because of my last selfish demand she exploded. everything she felt came out. I know Dr Harley jr's plan would work as I've seen the stories of people far worse then we are. My only issue is how to get her back? i have been giving her space except for a text on new years and one on Christmas, that she didn't not respond to. We were fine until a few days before, So i know she misses me. But i jut don't know what to do? who has been here before? and to all the wives out there that been in her shoes or worse what do you recommend? Everyone is different so i would love all input. Thank you everyone.

Max

You've committed AOs? What's your plan to eliminate these? Also, DJs?? What's your plan to eliminate those?

There is a difference when woman leaves because she wants to force difference and when woman gave up. There was this good book... I cant remember the title... It pretty much says- do not force it, do not repeat that you will change, live healthy life, and ask occasionally if she would like to have a lunch. No pressure, no annoying calls, begging or drama. No stalking. Start from distance, write something cute, say you miss her and would like to work on relationships if she is interested, and continue give space. Just do it at predictable intervals, so that she knows when to expect your call if she decides to talk.

I would start by sending her a letter to apologize, acknowledge and accept responsibility for whatever LBs you have committed, and tell her what you have done to stop your destructive behavior as well as what you will continue to do. It may be too little to late but that is something I would want to see from you if I were in your shoes. Don't get stalkerish either. If she doesn't want you back then let her be.

I would also suggest you consider apologizing to her parents. If someone treated my child poorly, I would not want him/her around AT ALL without seeing some sort of contrition and growth.

When you say, your fiance is with her parents...were the two of you living together?

Welcome to MB

You have been together one year, and your LB's and neglect have basically made her fall out of love and leave you.

If your fianc� were on here, I would advise her to move on. Dating is like a job interview, for the job of husband or wife. It took you one short year to fail that interview miserably. You aren't married yet, you do not share children to my knowledge. I would not advise a woman to 'work on it' with someone she has so little invested in.

But, if I were you, I would continue to learn the MB material anyway. Maybe she will give you another chance, and if she doesn't, you can hone your interviewing skills for the next job opportunity.

If you were serious enough to be engaged and she decided not to communicate any of her complaints about your behavior until she had reached the point of leaving you, you need to move on without a second thought. I'm sure you are heartbroken and I think she will do this to you again. There are plenty of women out there who would not behave like this.

She's not very mature or as serious about the relationship as you are if this is how she chose to handle the situation. I think partners like this are dangerous. If she really bottled everything up and never tried to talk to you about all of these things that came out at the end, that's actually dishonesty. It's not fair to you as you're obviously not wanting her to be unhappy or you wouldn't be here working on improving yourself.

If you marry this woman and she's really this bad about honesty and not complaining to you when you're hurting her, she will probably cheat on you. Just my experience talking there.

Don't stop trying to improve yourself but don't shoulder all of the blame for what's happened here. Move on.