So my wife and I have been together for going on 8 years, married for a year and a half and we have a 2 year old son. We both work full time jobs with similar schedules but she is the primary bread winner being that she has a graduate degree. I am a musician so our lives together have revolved around her career because it provides the most secure income. I have always kept steady work that doesnt pay a whole lot but i have always pulled my weight. I do all the cooking and most of the house work,as well as lots of time with our son.She takes care of paying the bills, does most of the laundry, and lots of time with our son.I love my wife very much, I spend a large portion of each day thinking about how I can make her life better/easier/happier/less stressful.I constantly do things to show her how much I love her. Notes on the mirror,flowers for no real ocation,doing the dishes after I cook because I know she hates doing them. The problem is I dont feel like she ever does anything to show me that she loves me. I try very hard to put her needs before mine(I dont always succeed but Alot of the time I do) and there is not ever a time where I feel she does this for me. This topic always comes front and center when it comes to sex. No is her answer 90% of the time(I try 2 to 4 times per week at verying times of the day) the times when she is intamate with me her attitude is "lets get this over with". I really want to believe she loves me but there is just no evidence that i can see. She actually told me when i expressed to her that im always 2nd in our relationship that"someones got to be first" divorce is not an option for me for many reasons,our son being cheif among them. I really dont know how to make her understand that I need to matter in our relationship. Help...

She should not have sex with you without a genuine feeling of desire. If she has in the past she may have developed a sexual aversion.

Many women who feel obliged to have sex develop feelings of hatred and indifference.

The way to create desire is to get her outside the house for a minimum of 15 hours a week. It is impossible for a woman to feel passion without this. Fun dates where she is your captive audience will also get your needs met too.

Most women would resent such a role reversal - it is generally undesirable for us to be the financial support.

Hi rockdad, welcome to Marriage Builders. Your problem, along with the solution is covered here: The question of the ages: How can a husband receive the sex he needs in marriage?