I posted a letter yesterday,with only two responces . I know I'm being impatient, But I'm grasping at straws.Any encouragement I can get will be most welcome. I have some hope. please help. Thanks<P>------------------<BR>BB

okay here is my hindsight advice...<BR>Sounds like you read the book, understand the plan A stuff, and her state of mind. What you are about to have to do is the toughest and suckiest time of your life. First of all, plan A her to death, (don't smother her though), and no lovebusters. Try to sneak in meeting her needs, if you know what they are. I highly doubt a 17yr old can meet any of her needs outside of sexual fulfillment (if that, I doubt any of us guys at 17 actually knew it all). <BR>If you have to separate, ask her if she will stay in the home in a different room or a different floor level. Keep her at home if at all possible. Be nice to her, help her if she wants to move out, but do not aid her financially. Dr. Harley has stated they only want to move out to continue the affair without hassles and for no other reason (like trying to handle withdrawal). Any other reason is a CROCK. She will not be able to withdraw if she is on her own, the temptation and attraction is probably too strong. The affair is still early and it will either run its course until it crashes, or your plan A will help her come out of the fog earlier. <P>Don't let her see you totally down, or falling apart, that will not attract her. It's okay to cry but don't appear to be unattractive as a choice for her. The affair is an addiction treat as one. <BR>

WilliamJ:<P>What state do you live in? In many states, sexual intercourse between an adult and a 17-yr old, regardless of the minor's gender, is considered statutory rape. I'd be concerned that your W is risking a very LONG prison sentence if the affair is discovered. I don't suppose that would scare her into going straight, but it's something to consider.<P>As for the way to handle her, I wouldn't suggest going to Plan B. If she wants to move out, do your best to persuade her not to, but don't lovebust. If she must move out, THEN decide whether you want to go to Plan B.<P>Plan B should only be used when you just can't take Plan A anymore. Nobody can give, give, give and avoid lovebusters forever and not have it take a toll on them emotionally. When you finally realize you can't Plan A her anymore, ONLY THEN go to Plan B.<P>Keep in mind, too, that Plan B means NO or minimal contact. If you're going to Plan B her, it won't work unless you cut off ALL contact (or at least as MUCH as possible). The idea for Plan B is to shock the betrayer into realizing what (s)he is giving up. Sometimes it takes a while, but you've got to perservere. Even if the betrayer NEVER comes back, Plan B is good for getting you back on your feet, relearing independence, and getting on with your life.<P>I suggest you stay in Plan A until you just can't take it anymore. Give it a few months. I know that sounds like a long time, but believe me, you don't want to rush into Plan B until you have to.<P>Good luck with everything, and congratulations on kicking your habit. You must be a strong person to endure that kind of difficulty AND deal with an affair. I truly admire your strength of spirit.<P>Don't give up!<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P><BR>