I found Marriage Builders in 2012 after I discovered my husband's affair. Now I am writing to get advice on how to best help my 34 year old son.

Some background information: My son has only been married for three and a half years. He has a 3 year old and a 5 month old baby. Both him and his wife are professionals having graduated from college with the same degree. Prior to his getting married, he was dating the same girl for 7 or 8 years and has a 6 year old child with her. His wife met him when he was engaged to his girlfriend. My son pursued the new girl and married her. His wife knew about his daughter and subsequent child support payments prior to them getting married.

Two years ago he was on the radio show with Dr. Harley as a year after they were married, his wife was unhappy about decisions concerning his daughter from his relationship with previous girlfriend.

Bottom line is that after 3 years of marriage, she is angry with him because she "didn't sign up for the parenting issues of having a stepdaughter".

Last month, he had his 6 year old daughter over for the weekend. His wife got angry at the 6 year old and said some inappropriate comments to her. My son took his wife into the bedroom and told her to calm down. When she got angrier, he pinned her down on the bed and told her she can't make comments like this about the child. To make a long story short, she kicked my son out of the house and he has been living with me for the last month. She has accused him of abuse although he was just trying to calm her down. There is no police report.

My question is this: For the last month, his wife has been cold as ice limiting his access to his 2 youngest daughters. He has many times expressed to her his desire to getting rid of the love busters and trying to making a good marriage for both of them. She doesn't appear to want to even try. Because she has moved 100 miles away, I have urged my son to speak with an attorney to protect his rights with his children.

Is there any pattern to woman wanting to separate when they have 2 young children? Is this just how it is with blended families??? Do they have such a leak in their love bank that a marriage can be destroyed so quickly??? I have never thought this woman was a good marriage partner for my son as from the beginning she seemed selfish. She wants to be a stay at home mom so my son has agreed to try and make this happen. She wanted to move close to her mom so my son agreed to move even though his commute to work would be an hour and a half long one way. My son does all of the cleaning and laundry. Her main job is to nurse the 5 month old and care for the children. She is still not happy.

How do I comfort my son? I truly feel that he will never be able to make his wife happy and the best solution is for him to try and get 50/50 custody of his children. He is still heartbroken. What are your thoughts?

Bikerwife

My son is about the same age as yours and was married 4 years ago. If my son was in this bind, I would use every ounce of my energy persuading him to save the marriage by signing up for the Marriage Builders program. That program could save their marriage by turning this around.

It is in your son's best interest and his children's best interest to save this marriage and create a good relationship with the mother of his children. His life will become extremely complicated and miserable if he gets divorced and has children with 2 different women. If he tries to have a new relationship with a new woman, it will be hell on earth because of all the baggage your son will bring into the new relationship.

All of these problems you cite below can be fixed by this program. That is what I wold tell my son to do.

That tells me that they have no problem solving skills. If they learned how to use the POJA on every decision relating to this daughter, they could avoid these problems.

And keep in mind, that if he does not have the skills to negotiate problems in this relationship, he sure won't in the next one. And in the next relationship, there will be many, many more child related conflicts. He might as well learn how to solve problems with the mother of 2 of children. Any future woman is not going to care about his children.

Do you know the date he was on the show?

Also, for his own safety he might want to carry a VAR if she is claiming false abuse charges.

If he pinned her down on the bed, the charges are not false.

True, if he is pinning her down then she should call the cops.

So he assaulted her and she separated from him, and your entire post is mostly about how awful she is?

Bikerwife, I understand this is your son but that is blinding you too. He knows about the program, so he should implent it.

I see a series of poor choices by him. He does not need enabling. If he cares so much, he needs to enforce his legal rights and start working on his anger management.

How old is DS and your DIL?

Blended families have a higher risk of divorce. Your son pinning his wife on the bed is out of line. You said she moved 100 miles away. Is she living with/close to her family now?

I understand you want to support your son but it seems like you may have some blinders on. Even the way he and his wife started a relationship sounds kinda cruddy on both their parts.

I think sometime in 2013. The show was on POJA and blended families

It is his wife that has anger issues. She called the 6 year old child -- a "devil child" in front of the 3 and 6 year old children. He was just trying to calm her down.

Thank you for your replies.

BW

Cringe, BW.

Your son assaulted her and you justify it. If your son has the same belief, then he has no business being married.

An example of a man that being a college grad and a professional that still does not know how to make correct personal decisions.

Pinned his wife down, sad.

Dates a girl, knocks her up, still stays with her, yet will not make her an honest woman.

Then dumps her for the bigger better deal.

Though by Harley standard's this first relationship was not a marriage so there was no affair. So no affairriage. Though they were together long enough to be common law married and had a kid together to finish frosting the cake.

So biker jr goes and gets a new woman and has kids with her as well.

I bet dollars to doughnuts biker jr did not leave girl No 1 before he started with girl No 2. Dr Harley does not call this an affair because they were not married though cheating is still cheating whether married or not.

I feel Girl No 2 does not want his child in their lives because she wants her husband to have NC with Girl No 1.

Girl No 2 feels threatened by Girl No 1. Why? Because she knows that her cheating with biker jr broke up his previous relationship and Girl No 2 fears that without NC there is the chance that biker jr may be tempted to go back to Girl No 1.

Biker jr may never want to go back. Though that does not make Girl No 2 fears any less real. She knows that if they will cheat with you they will cheat on you.

BW, your son has not made good decisions in his life and I hope you can help him mitigate the damage before he piles on with more bad decisions. Can you talk some sense into him?