That's why you have been advised to snoop quietly and gather evidence. Dr. Harley says that we should expose widely when the betrayed spouse has evidence that would convince a jury. But you will need to be proactive about looking.

The only way to do that would be to get the content of the texts which I have no way of doing. And I have no money for a pi so I guess I'm stuck

I called out my wife on her affair when I really only had her text records. It was enough that I knew she was having an affair. I bluffed my way to making her believe that I had more.

I actually accumulated more evidence during exposure due to the OM confessing to his family and one of them telling me about it in a FB message. I have since been able to find enough to convince anyone.

I'm not recommending the path I took.I just couldn't stand to not confront her anymore and I am a pro at bluffing.

But, if you slip up and confront before you should, remember to not show all your cards to the enemy at once. Make him think you have undeniable evidence even if you don't. When he asks to see it or what you have, tell him that it doesn't matter because you know about the affair and the proof cannot be unseen.

Are you still seeing him? When he picks up your child?

Is there anyway you can get spyware on his devices?

Have you checked her address and gone over there to see if he's there?

I would have no way of getting her address...anyway he going through with the divorce and they hsve now been dating for over a month. She's already living with him in his new apartment. They both claim nothing started until after he left

Hello all. I have posted in the "surviving an affair" category back at the end of November when my husband left me. I do not think there was anything besides thoughts in my husband's head going on before he actually left.

Anyway, he left on November 19th. I still love him so deeply, I do not want this divorce and right after it happened I tried everything I could think of to get him to stay. He wouldn't and said he wanted to be "alone" and then one week later he was with this girl. She is 6 years younger than him (she just turned 18) and he just turned 24. She is officially moving in with him at the end of January.

I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on if a reconciliation will be or is possible considering he has now committed himself to someone else. Pretty ridiculous, how can one commit to someone when they are still committed to another by marriage?!

We also have a 3 year old son.

I have never missed anyone or anything so much in my entire life. I love him more than anything and want so much for our family to stay together, but I realize the chances of that now are slim to none. Ever since about the second week after he left, I have been only speaking with him about the business of the divorce. I have not initiated contact unless it is about that, and hardly even for that. I have let him contact me to discuss these things. I have not since mentioned anything about our relationship of reconciliation. We have not filed for divorce yet, it appears as though I will be the one having to do it, and we have not got our agreement completed yet.

He says he is happy with this new girl, but everything I can see points to it being a rebound relationship. He also said at the beginning that he 150% doesn't want to be with me and never will again. Is this really true or is there a chance he is just saying that? He has acted very angry and hostile towards me this whole time, which I find very strange because he is the one who left. I interpret that as some type of defense mechanism for convincing himself to go through with this and so he does not have to experience any of the pain of this horrible decision.

Is there any hope or is it for sure hopeless and time to move on? Anybody else with a similar experience? What was the outcome?

Did you fully expose the affair? Who did yo expose to on the OW's side?

You should be in Plan B. When will you be going into Plan B? Why haven't you followed MB?

If you know her age and know her name you could find out who she is. You have her number, correct? You need to expose on the OW's side.

You need to be in Plan B. Sitting around and not following the MB plans are going to make you miserable. You have to stop enabling him and his affair. You need to cut off contact with him.

The ALL claim that. It's a cliche. My WW told me the exact same thing, but her text messages prove otherwise.

Nothing happened before hand so there is no affair to expose. And it is on facebook and everyone already knows so it's already exposed

Well we know that's a lie. You're still married and he's having an affair.

Who did you expose to on OW's side? Did you expose to her parents? Her family? You need to ask her parents to put pressure on her to stop her affair with a married man.

When will you be going into Plan B? This continued contact you have with him and his continued cake eating is not healthy for you.

Have you read up on Plan B?

I had to refresh myself on Plan B. Just got done reading it. It will be pretty difficult to have NO contact, considering we are having a collaborative divorce, filing with only 1 lawyer. Our agreement is almost complete though.

How to Plan B Correctly

His parents don't see anything wrong with his affair?

How can a lawyer represent to opposing parties? If you don't want the divorce why are you going along with it?

Have you been to your doctor for some ADs?

I understand that technically it Is an affair at this point. They changed their relationship statuses and they are public, I have not exposed anything. That would create a lot of unnecessary drama difficulties for me, he would probably not agree to settle at all or out of court like we are now, and also knowing him that would only make me appear crazy.

Dr. Harley would call you an "enabler." There is nothing we can do to help someone who is actively enabling an affair.

His mother left him and his brothers when they were all 3 and younger. He only has his dad, uncle, grandmother (who raised them) and his brothers. They are not the classiest bunch of people...so no, they don't. And because of the occasional verbal abuse on my part, I'm unsure if he has spoke to them about that or not. He has probably made me out to be a horrible monster that he needed to escape from because of the misery. They don't pry into each others lives. They have the attitude of "whatever makes you happy". They all have a strange relationship with one another.

And one lawyer isn't representing us, but we are coming to an agreement on our own and I will be filing it with my lawyer.

I'm going along with it because at this point it appears as if it's going to happen. From speaking with my lawyer that would be the only way to protect myself at all legally. He's splitting everything up etc etc and I am getting screwed. And we have our son and need some type of custody and child support order in place, he is no longer supporting us. And there would be no order placed if no divorxe or legal separation is filed, because otherwise we are just still married.

And I have already been on AD, but actually I have been off of them since he left because I thought I might be pregnant. I have not started taking them again but I still have some. I have felt fine without them.

So then you just want the divorce to go through, correct?

Will you be going into a dark Plan b after the divorce? Will you be parallel parenting (the link is in the Plan B thread I posted to you)?

When does he see your 3yo? Does he take your child around the OW?

Can you move away?

Your actions do not reflect a person who "does not want a divorce" because you are "collaborating" in a divorce with him using HIS LAWYER. So either you do want a divorce or you are being foolish by contributing to your own demise.

If you don't want to lift a finger to save your marriage, that is fine with us, but why say you don't want a divorce when your actions are facilitating that very thing?

If you aren't interested in saving your marriage, then what do you want from us?

I just noticed this is in the divorce section, which is exactly where it belongs. When a BS is cooperating with a divorce and helping to cover up the affair, that is exactly where it belongs.