My dh and i have been married 8 years, we have two children. Both of us have had affairs (pa and ea) as a result we separated and have been separated for six months. We are now contemplating reconciliation, I am 100% for reconciliation dh is however still umming and ahhing.
I've read the forum however i can't find much for my situation, should I do a plan a? We don't live together and his grandmother has custody of the kids (I'm medically unable to look after them and dh works long hours) we have open visitation.
We have only just gotten back in contact after the 6 month black out,
Atm our communication is via phone and we text about 20 times a day, I am meeting him for dinner Friday night. I am unsure about how to go ahead and rebuild our marriage. I have sent him the needs questions which I'm waiting for him to return and i have been making love bank deposits and avoiding love busters...

His affair is ongoing. Yours I assume is over?

What has been done regarding exposure and no contact with affair partners?

Exposure is the most important part of Plan A, but it is vital that women go into Plan B within 3 weeks, so Exposure can be done from inside plan B.

Do you know how to expose?

What is the "6 month blackout" and who recommended this?


What is your medical issue? And what does your husband do for a living that keeps him working long hours?

Both affairs are over, both by our choice. Exposure was done to family and friends. Neither of us contact our affair partners any more.
The six month black out was our choice, we had decided to get divorced and move on with our lives. I was put into hospital for a suicide attempt and they contacted him (he is still my nok) which is how we got back in contact.
I have ptsd, depression and major bipolar disorder. Dh is an electronic engineer in the navy, he is however based on shore but should the base go in black out or some other electrical fault he is required to go in and fix the problem. He has two years left on his contract.

Are you able to be together every night or does his job keep you from that?

Atm no more due to the distance we live apart, I am however looking for places closer to where he lives so we can spend more time together.

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.

Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.