Hello, Everybody.<P>Well, H called tonight. He wanted to thank me for the b-day cards and presents. Said the card was gorgeous, he was gonna keep it. It was pretty mushy. Said he missed his seafood dinner on his b-day.<P>Started talking about some things. He told me he came to the house while I was gone last week to get some other things. Also said that he had seen a lawyer about divorce. Said he was taking all bills out of his name and I needed to transfer power and stuff to mine alone.<P>I asked about the things he said Tuesday - about wishing he had stayed and worked on the house and sold it to build a home of our own. Said what he meant to say was that he should have stayed long enough to sell this house, get me in a smaller house and THEN carried his a$$.<P>Said he would never come back. And he wasn't gonna visit much either or see d because PT (aka Sweetie) freaks out whenever he does.<P>Talked to him about not being happy. He says now (again) that we had a terrible marriage, he was a terrible husband, there was no love or respect b/n us. That now, there was no way to rebuild. There was too much involved.<P>He was mean and cruel and horrible. He went on and on.<P>He did say it might be fun to go visit my brother and work on the fence. I told him that if he ever needed me, I was here. He said he wished he could say the same thing, but he couldn't.<P>Such a different man than the one who was here on Tuesday night. All the justifications and lies are back again. He was cold and hard. No indecision at all. He said PT didn't take a married man, she took a miserably unhappy married man.<P>I told him no doors were closed, everything could be forgiven, he just needed to forgive himself. He said he never would. And never forgive me either. I'm not sure for what. Tuesday he told me I had been a great wife.<P>There was lots more. I guess that's enough for now though. I cant' stop crying. I guess it's time to give up.<P>Lori<P>

I'm so sorry this happened. He's really all over the place. Try not to put too much weight on what he said. It's clear that he's confused.<P>Is he really prepared to minimize time with daughter because PT doesn't like it? Doesn't seem like he's thought things through.<P>In DB land, there's a piece of advice I think you should take to heart. Believe 50% of what you see and none of what you hear. Your husband is too inconsistent to be taken seriously. He doesn't know what he wants. He periodically acts clear around you to dash out all hope and feel better about himself (for what he's doing to you). But it's clear that he is lost.<P>Don't give up hope unless you no longer love him. I can't tell you how many times I've said "it's over", yet I'm still aging rapidly at this board. You'll be OK and hope remains. This is tough, but you're tougher.

Hi Lostva,<P>Sorry for the confusing message your H is sending. I guess hang in there really gives you no support but I only say it because sometimes I'm all over the place with how I feel about my H too. The cruelty, however sucks. You don't deserve that at all. Stand tough friend. Hope that better times are ahead.

Lostva,<P>First, I admit I am an optimist, but if he really felt as cold as he acted, why did he call and thank you for the card and presents?<P>As distressed said, he is really confused. I had another really off the wall thought. Maybe he needs the divorce to clear things up , so that a new beginning could occur. It seems weird to me, but then your whole story has been that way. Is PT (Pop Tart) the correct name these days? The seeing the lawyer maybe his way of keeping her (PT) in line as well.<P>The man is very confused there is no doubt about it and you are part of the confusion. IMHO that is good news.<P>Wish I could offer something to really pick you up, but just keep on keepin on. I think this has a long way to run.<P>God Bless YOU <P>

Thinking of you Lori. <P> {{{{{{{{Lori))))))

Thanks, guys. The board's my lifeline tonight (yet again).<P>Distressed - he certainly is confusing me! Yup, looks like he won't be seeing D. Says she really doesn't need him after all. He seemed so very angry tonight. First said he loved everything, it was the most beautiful card he'd ever seen, then said he was just gonna cut the picture out. Kept saying there was a lot more going on than just what I knew about.<P>Life - Thanks for the support. Tonight I don't know what to do. I sent him another letter today. He thanked me for those - letting him know what was going on. <P>JL - thank you - I agree the whole story has been that way. Driving me crazy. Guess I really don't have much choice, do I? Have to keep on. <P>Found out today from MIL that he borrowed 300.00 more from Pop. That makes 2600 borrowed, on top of his salary. And he says his (3) bills are behind (total monthly pmt 75.00)! Money's still going somewhere.<P>Lori

Sosad - thanks, I could use those hugs and good thoughts.<P>Lori

Oh, Lori, My heart hurts for you. Just reading your post brought tears to my eyes, for you and for the memory it brought back. Believe me when I say I know exactly low you feel. It sounds so familiar, especially the coldness and hardness. My thoughts are they have to do that because if they let one bit of kindness in they could not do this. I still don't why they want to do this none of it makes sense. I wish I could hold your hand through this and give you a real hug. If you need anything here is my email diseiler@hotmail.com I sooo sorry. <P>{{{{HUG}}}} <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Lori,<P>Hang in there, sweetie. Just remember we are all here for you. You'll get through this, we all will get through this.<P>NOTHING IS FOREVER<P>Keep posting...

SDS - Well, I guess it's not like I haven't heard it all before. The signs have all been so good lately. I mean, nothing to write home about, but better.<P>Thanks for sharing my tears tonight. And for your e-mail address. I may use it yet.<P>Lori<P>

Sidney - Even I had to laugh when you called me "sweetie"! Thanks so much. I guess tonight's just gonna be one of those, huh?<P>lori

Lostva,<P>I'm not much support right now. Too angry to be wise.<P>But I want you to know that if misery likes company you can have my company. <P>You are a good woman. Don't forget that. I think this is a temporary mush for brain reaction. I think he's getting pressured from future toothless PT sweetie what ever her name is. <P>hang in there. <P>Dry your eyes!<BR>

TNT - thanks. I'm trying so hard to hold it together. He said everything he said Tuesday was a lie. He just couldn't look me in the face and tell me the truth. Said there's a lot more going on than just leaving me for her. That's the best thing he ever did - the only honest thing he ever did. <P>OMG, I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. <P>Lori

lostva -- Hugs and prayers.<P>God Bless

ES - thanks. I could use them. Is hopeful feeling better?<P>Lori<BR>

lostva - Yes I am feel ten times better physically, emotionally today sucks. I had a really bad day at work. I will be thinking about you and praying for you as well.

Hopeful - Sorry you had a bad day. Mine's not looking too bright either.<P>Thanks for your thoughts. They mean a lot.<P>lori

Lori,<P>Well, that's just crappy. I think I agree with Distressed when she says not to necessarily believe your H right now. His head's in la la land.<P>Hugs!!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Lori,<BR> I have to ask you this. Do you think that your H could be using drugs?<P> I'm sure you hate to think of this, but the extreme changes in moods, the way he's spending money with nothing to show for it, etc., make me think it's possible.<P> Our ex-Son-in-law got hooked on crack--and BTW, using it just ONE time can get you hooked. Talk to your MiL and see what she thinks. I know that when our ex-Son-in-law was especially antsy and jittery, it meant that he was looking for a "fix." His focus at such times was "where can I get some money?" His paycheck was GONE before he even got home with it, plus he pawned everything he could get his hands on and started stealing from us--cameras, rings, etc. When he was calm and laid back, he most likely had gotten a "fix" not too long before.<BR> So, think about it. He doesn't seem to care much about PT, but maybe she's his link to drugs?? Worth considering, IMO.

Lori,<P>You said that he said he couldn't look you in the face and tell you the truth. I think it is more likely that he couldn't lie to you while looking you in the face, but he can lie over the phone. My H is cold and hard via email, somewhat less so in person or on the phone, and he almost never looks me in the eye.<P>I have found that whenever my H is particularly cruel, it means he is feeling guilty about something he has done recently or is about to do, or he is doing something because the OW wants him to. <P>I suppose it is something at least, that he admitted that the OW is behind his intention to see less of your daughter. My H just tells the kids he "can't" spend any more time with them than he does.<P>It is not possible to understand their insanity.<P>{HUGS}<P>