First day of the New Year has been alright. Thinking about buying a ring for myself (other hand), because I miss wearing one. Also thinking about redecorating and purging when I get home. Don't think I'm going to spend a lot of money on this now - maybe one or two things - but the first major job I get next is going to finance a makeover. Less moving truck/more new life.

Also, after one full year of not being able to find shoes that didn't make my feet hurt, I found not just one, but two pairs - and they are cute to boot. I think that is symbolic of something. What a wonderful difference to have happy feet.

Good shoes are very important.
in the future if you need help finding a pair a reputable shoe store should be able to properly fit you a pair of shoes.

You'd think, but the feet have always been a challenge and then add an injury from walking with a heavy backpack and non-supportive shoes and it was really hard.

In case you didn't realize it, Jedi Knight, your comment implies that I don't know how to find shoes, or go to reputable stores. I'm only telling you because I know you too are on the dating market and we can all improve our game.

This is awesome Luna, you sound better and better every day, I am so happy things worked out for the best. And buy that ring by golly


I know what you mean, mine is not that they make my feet hurt, I have big feet (size 10) but they are skinny and it is hard to find shoes that fit me right as well. When i do find a pair I get so excited (it's the small things you know )

Thanks SC. I hear you - I have skinny feet too, and now a bunion injury on top of it. What a challenge.

I looked at rings. Nothing clicked yet. It will happen.

It's hard listening to marriage builders radio when Dr. H talks about second marriages being more fragile than first, etc. Losing that chance to have a first marriage that sticks hurts. Oh well, another piece of advice was to not to spend time grieving. It won't take away from my efforts in putting in credits in someone else's love bank (at the moment anyhow), but it does interfere with building a new life.

Got a criticism from a teacher I respect about my typos and grammar errors on a recent submission. It was harsh. I cried in my office, then replied with a thank you and it won't happen again.

I am doing too much right now. That is a result of it.

It sounds like you are trying to do too much, just take a deep breath and let your life happen.

I don't know how long you were married but no matter you have been through an extremely tramatic experience that you need to heal from. You need self care for Luna for a long time.

Heck my marriage stayed together and it still took me about three years before I felt my true self again. Just take things one step at a time, you do not have to make this a sprint, it is a marathon.

I cannot give you advice about a second marriage but what I can tell you is that the things you have learned here and about yourself WILL make the next relationship better.

Yes, I think the reason second marriages don't work is because people tend to not learn. They blame their spouse for everything and take the same problems into the second marriage. You're the betrayed spouse, so you're not the one that gave up on your marriage because you blamed all your problems on your spouse. Your next marriage will not have two strikes against it the day you make your vows.

Why does this seem to be getting harder, not easier? Today worked on getting the new car registration done (say 'worked on' because the plate bolts are rusted on and are now soaking in penetrating oil). Moving the renters insurance and all that.

It is so painful to deconstruct all that we built together. I miss our life back there and just want it back. I just wish he would call and say he made a mistake and wants me back and to work on things.

Have not been strong the last few days. I haven't done anything stupid but I have thought about it.

Your brain is playing tricks on you. Our brains are hard wired to remember the good times more easily than the bad times.

Get a small hacksaw and cut off those rusty bolts. You don't need a man for that :-)

That's a great idea! Maybe I'll get some endorphins with the effort and feel a little better.

Kind of a bad brain trick when combined with WS rewriting history to be all bad, all the time. Sheesh.

The rollercoaster slows and the low days are further apart. They seem worse somehow as they are in contrast and isolation.

They tend to come like a smack out the blue. Always have some feel good self care on hand.

That is good to know. It does feel worse when having done good for weeks and then bam, can barely function for days. I realized I'm been trying to keep my xH happy for so long, that sometimes I'm at a loss without that task. And feeling pretty bad for not being able to do it successfully.

Sleep and less work and some warm bathes.

Hey Miss Luna,

Have not heard from you in a while and last time we did things were not going so well.

I hope things have improved and that you are just so busy on your Plan Luna that you do not have time to post to us

Hope school is going better too!!

Take Care!!!

Hi SC,

You are preceptive. I hit a bad spot in that I was too busy for self care and then went into a tail spin of obsessive thinking, guilt, anger, loneliness. But this intense schedule will be over in about 36 hours and I can sleep in and get back to my "fun" life.

I feel more hopeful today and am confident things will be better going forward than they were for the last four years. Now just to work on my own boundaries and to make sure I never allow myself to get into such a situation again. I am thinking about keeping a dating journal, with some strict rules in it and deal breakers, since I know I have some bad habits as far as being forgiving on behavior I shouldn't be. I need to be firm with myself on these issues until they are an ingrained habit. This is the only way I will find someone that wants to work on a truly mutual relationship and values me.

I've been listening to the radio show every day. That helps.

It also looks like I could work at the school next year if I want, and the other job is happy with me so far so this short term hardship will pay off in financial security going forward. So yay Luna for taking care of the money issues.

Well I am glad that you can at least notice what is going on and know what you need to do to get back on track.


I totally agree if you always do what you always done then nothing will change. That is why I came here for myself trying to figure out what to do about my daughter. For me anyway sometimes hearing it from others at least gets me thinking about �other ways� of doing things


I am glad about this too, they tell a lot of good things on there and in more detail than just on the website


That is always nice, money worries are a problem with a lot of people so getting yourself on the better end of them will help you in the long run for sure!!!!
Just remember to stick with your Plan Luna and do your self care things.

Hope you are doing well!!

Hi SC,

Things are going well. I'm so glad you contacted me to check in, and share that you are here in the same boat to try to do things differently.

I was coming home last night and realized that I was feeling sad and lonely (and really tired). So I need to make more time and effort to make plans with others. That will help. The new crew in my program is loud, and they chat together loads. It's weird, I get overwhelmed with that much chat, but it still feels lonely to feel on the outside, even if I'm not sure I'd want to be on the inside!! Moments like those are when the ex (his existence, even if not his actions) were such a comfort. It is so good to pay attention to those moments - now I feel empowered to make a change, rather than just feeling sad.

Slept 12 hours last night. I think I need to just plan on getting 10 hours a night for the foreseeable future.

Hope things are good with you SC. Have you been able to make a lot of changes from what you've learned here? What has been the biggest help? (If you don't mind sharing).

Luna

Things are going so much better with my DD. I now am worrying for different reasons but her self centeredness is improving so much. She started taking anti-depressants after the new guy started dating someone else and it makes me wonder if she has needed them for a long time. Depression is something that runs in both mine and my H's family. But she is at least thinking a little more before she acts which is such a GREAT improvement.

I would say the biggest help for me was to learn to communicate better with my H, I tended to hold a lot of things in that bothered me until I exploded with AOs and DJs and that did neither of us any good.

I would say for my H it would be learning that OS friendships are destroyers of relationships. And that he needs EPs that make ME feel comfortable not him.

We have always been pretty good with POJA so that one was not hard to do but some of the other things have been a challenge for sure.

But it took a LONG time, I was ready to give up for a long time because of his EPs more than anything.

It has been a little over 8 years now and I was fortune enough (I guess you could call it that) that my H's A was only short lived and he did not lie to me about it so I did not have that to deal with. And our marriage is better than it was before.

I can only imagine how difficult it has been for you but I am glad that you are feeling empowered, it is a lovely thing lol!!

We should always try to feel empowered to make changes.

I know I used to be such a quiet person and would let everyone walk all over me and one day I just said what the heck enough is enough and I have never looked back.

Wow, that is a great story. I'm so glad that sticking it out had a positive payoff. Thanks for sharing.


Lol, I am going to remember that! Perhaps that should be the new motto - "What the heck!"