I have been dating a wonderful man for a bit over a year. His marriage ended in a divorce that he did not want because of 3 EAs that his wife had. I have spent about a year investigating the results of affairs because of the great trauma that it had on him.

In your experiences, can a man trust a different woman completely after having his trust shattered by affairs?

Dr. Harley does not recommend blind trust in marriage.

The ideal continuing scenario would involve complete transparency and actionable commitments to completely Affair Proof your marriage.

Even if it were a marriage where one spouse had cheated, the distrust tapers down when Just Compensation is continuously provided to the Betrayed Spouse.

Every marriage is susceptible to an affair if proper precautions are not maintained throughout the duration of the marriage.

One thing is the primary driving force for allowing an affair to develop in the first place, which is poor boundaries with anyone else besides your own spouse.

LTL

Truehope, it is not a lack of trust that ruins marriages, but a lack of boundaries. What he lacked in his previous marriage was a spouse who observed appropriate boundaries with men. A marriage can be affair proofed if a couple practices appropriate boundaries, such as eliminating opposite friendships [the source of almost ALL affairs] avoiding overnight travel, and observing complete lifestyle transparency.

Anyone who doesn't observe those safeguards should not be trusted in marriage. I have heard people say they can be "trusted" to have opposite sex friendships, but that is like saying I can be trusted to go drunk driving. They simply don't understand how affairs begin and are made vulnerable by their false feeling of immunity.

What this man needs to be safe in future marriage is a person who is aware of how affairs occur and will not take needless risks.