Not sure what any of this has to do with the fact that your husband is a playah. What does this have to do with the price of tea in China? Is this his excuse for wh*ring around?

I know one reason. The very first time I mentioned divorce he tried to commit suicide. We have 4 kids. I don't want my kids to go through that again let alone have him succeed.

Sometimes it is. Others it not.

I can't afford a councilor or attorney.

You will be suicidal if you don't stop enabling your husband. Staying in such a sick, dysfunctional marriage is not good for your children and it most certainly is not good for your mental health. You need to watch out, Madam. My brother cheated on his wife and his wife did nothing. His wife had a nervous breakdown, was put in the mental hospital and their son went to live with my brother and his OW. <----that is where you are headed.

You cannot stop your husband from committing suicide if he wants to do that. You are not God. If he threatens suicide you should call 911 and get him the help he needs. YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO HELP HIM.

I know.

You don't have any marriage left to save. Putting aside the other alarming issues, his job alone is the kiss of death.

I have decided to give him what he wants. I know now that this is what I want as well. I have known for awhile. This marriage is poisoning. It is damaging us both.

I told him I was going to let go. I asked to see the text he was sending OW. He put a code on his phone. I told him if He really respected me and want out of this marriage I need to see what he is saying behind my back where he thinks I won't find out. After a fairly calm debate with him he reluctantly agreed and gave me the code. Reading the text made me realize that things will not change. There really is only to options I see. A drastic change like picking up and moving states again, but this time including some serious professional help or making a clean break and including some serious professional help as well. I have decided to give him his way and end the marriage. It isn't healthy for us to keep going on like this. After I told him this he starting acting like he wasn't sure anymore that he was done. He told the OW right after that he has told me everything. She called him a coward. I don't think it is being a coward to tell someone that they are being unfaithful and want to leave. I am grateful in a way the he is being so honest right now. I can now start the process of moving on.

Well done, that was exactly the right thing. Now you can make a plan. I was also married to a serial cheater and had the same moment of realisation that you have had: things were not going to change. He wanted to stay married of course, all serial cheaters do because that is the whole way in which the game is played.

But things are not going to change.

Do you know what that means? It means that if you relocate, he gets professional help and you take the MB route you are STILL going to need to spend the rest of your life monitoring his behavior 24 hours every day and even then he will find a way to cheat again.

He is addicted to serial affairs. Ending an addiction to heroin or alcohol is easy by comparison to ending this kind of addiction because it means ending ALL contact with women (and I am sure like my XH he is not exactly fussy about his partners). He gets his adrenalin rush out of the process of pursuing and bedding women. Really does not matter who they are. Best you can hope for is that he gets too old. This is no kind of life for you.

MMilner,

Living well wrote, Best you can hope for is that he gets too old

I wanted to add to this, because in my personal experience by the time the serial cheater gets too old, the betrayed spouse has way too many horrible memories to overcome.

Worst of all though is that while the WS may be incapable of cheating physically, they are still capable of lying, and will continue to live a secret second life. In one case I had the displeasure to observe the WH took out a loan for his OC to go to college against his BWs property, WH did this when he was in his late 70s!

So you have to fix it now and fix it with great force.

God Bless
Gamma

This is also no kind of life for your children. They are growing up in major dysfunction, with NO role models showing them what living a peaceful and decent life is.

I am astounded at how many people use children as the scapegoat for not taking action. They do not want to expose an affair, file for divorce, etc. because they don't want to harm the children. But they seem to be perfectly willing to allow the children to live in complete chaos.

You can go into Plan B and begin to role model a different life to them.