Yes he admits he is treating me wrong, and he seems willing to change because he does for a few days and then he goes back to the same old disrespect.. Until I lash out about it again.. It's like a never-ending process. I just feel like there is a different way I need to approach this.
This is actually good, hopeful. It means he CAN change if he sees a need to. There's hope here.
I'm not going to tell you to do anything that I didn't do myself -- some of it may seem extreme at first, but it works.
The first thing you need to do is to resolve never to lash out at him again. It will get you nowhere, fast. When you talk about these problems with him, keep yourself cool and collected and stick to the facts. Do not make any disrespectful judgements.
You need to be thinking of what you will do if you need to separate. Make plans. Do you have family you could go to? Friends? Can you change the locks and keep him out? What about finances. Spend some time planning. You don't need to separate just yet, but you might eventually.
Introduce him to this program. Show him the concepts of POJA, lovebusting and love bank deposits. Ask him to join you in it, to make a wonderful marriage together. If he does, great!
Make it clear to him that you need him to stop the disrespect and anger. Now. You cannot tolerate it any further. Don't threaten him with a separation, but be prepared to separate immediately the very next time he verbally abuses you. Dr. Harley has a no tolerance policy towards anger, and you should to. Do not tolerate it any further.
Markos and I were in the MB program for over a year before I stood up for myself. He would waffle back and forth over trying to treat me better, then completely losing it. I finally asked him to leave our home and not come back until had eliminated his angry outbursts altogether. He also had to take anger management.
I raised the bar. Good men will take that as a chance to reach up to the bar and meet their wife's expectations. If he doesn't do that, then there was nothing else you could have done to save the marriage. Raise the bar by not tolerating this treatment anymore, and let him PROVE he can stop.
To do this day, markos knows he cannot EVER have another angry outburst at me or my children, or I will change the locks. If he wants to remain married to me, he will simply have to control himself.
Here is some more reading for you:
When to Call it Quits, part 1When to Call it Quits, part 2
