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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197 |
Anyway, I don't know if you all will agree but I've decided to confront my husband first before I expose. I really need to talk with him and hear what he has to say no matter if it's all lies. I plan on calling him tonight and hopefully we can set up a time to talk in person, which is how I'd like to confront him. If that doesn't work, I plan to just discuss this over the phone. Why do you need to confront him? Do you think he is in a trance and does not know he is having an affair? He already knows he is having an affair of course, so there is no reason to tell him so. Why do you need to hear what he has to say? You know for a fact it will be lies. He has been lying to you for a very long time. Indie is right, if he suspects you know he will do some scrambling, and it may make your exposure less effective. He is already moved out and left you. Exposure is THE KEY to turning this affair upside down. Do you want to do that? Or would you rather follow your emotions and listen to more lies?
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197 |
You've done a great job of gathering your evidence and organizing your exposure targets Tweetie. Don't blow it by tipping him off!
And especially don't give away your sources, like the FB page.
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Anyway, I don't know if you all will agree but I've decided to confront my husband first before I expose. I really need to talk with him and hear what he has to say no matter if it's all lies. I plan on calling him tonight and hopefully we can set up a time to talk in person, which is how I'd like to confront him. If that doesn't work, I plan to just discuss this over the phone. I think this is a strategic mistake. There is no need to confront WH. You can talk to him after exposure. That you stopped posting to collect your thoughts...well...I would hate to see you talk to your lying WH then put off exposure because of more hurt feelings and you need to collect yourself again. During that time he and OW will be telling people you are crazy, unbalanced and jealous. WH will likely to try and gaslight you...some WSs succeed at selling their BSs some lame story or accepting blame for their affair. I have seen this far too often...BSs postponing exposure and then they loose their courage to expose. Please don't put yourself on that list. Expose first and talk to him later.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 810
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Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 810 |
On your letter to H friends, there is one typo: because she has been carrying on an affair with a old girlfriend named OW (she needs to be he). On your letter to friends of WH, I agree with indiegirl. Ditch that sentence about continued dishonesty. GOOD JOB getting these ready! And kudos for discovering his FB account and getting the OW friends names.  Confronting your H prior to exposure is a mistake. Many of us way underestimated the power of an addiction...we did not fully understand the gravity of the reality that our spouse was NOT on our team while still in the A...and any info that was gleaned via confrontation would only be used to safely gaslight us and go further underground. 
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good!
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Like Nike preaches - Just Do It!
The time for talk is over.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Tweety, I'd like to see you stop the fearful hand wringing and fearing what is really nothing more than a truthful request for help.
But it's your life.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912 |
Tweety, have you exposed? I know it's a scary feeling to do this, I felt that fear before I exposed my wife. Exposing the affair is going to give you the chance to stop the affair and save your marriage. If he has a heavy conscious and has a lot of guilt it's in your favor. My wife had ton of guilt and her conscious would just eat at her and she feared what everyone would think of her. If I would of never exposed her, she would of slipped under the radar with OM and we would be divorced. It's been almost a year and we have become closer than ever, even when we first met. JUST EXPOSE HIM!
ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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