Another disrespectful judgement. You are saying that her reason for refusing was to insult you. Perhaps her reason for refusing is because in her perspective you were not right, and she was not wrong.

You cannot change her behavior. You keep countering about 'well I did this but SHE does that.' She is not on here asking for help, YOU are. You can only be responsible for cleaning up your side of the street.

If she love busts you 1000 times, and you love bust her once, we are not going to tell you that the one time was OK. We are going to tell you to stop love busting her.

All of this is pointless chatter if this situation isn't resolved.

I've been giving that some thought. The work I have is due to last till end of March. I will look around and try to interview for something nearer to home as they 'do' come up from time to time.

That gives you plenty of time to sell this to your wife and get her on board. Are you a good salesman?

Up there with the best when I want to be.

In that case, you know that people buy something when there is a perceived benefit. What would motivate her to buy what you are selling? What is in it for her?

You got me thinking here. I know that I haven't spent much money on 'me' the last few years as I've been working hard to provide for the family and some of my clothes are starting to look pretty tired. And I know she has mentioned this in the past.

I also have an issue here. She'd like me to dress VERY middle aged man where as I have a style which is much younger than that. I like bright colours and don't mind interesting styles. So I guess I have to tone it down a bit.

So that is one thing.

The other is trying to be a bit more fun about doing things and I've just messaged her that I'm going to get a tub of Nutella for the kids as a mini present for them when I get back and then say its for Pancakes in the morning and tell them I'll make them in the morning.

I'll also ask if there is something she would like to do over the weekend and add in perhaps we could do something together.

What about the Marriage Builders program would motivate her to buy into it? The goal is to sell her to go through this program to save your marriage. How would SHE benefit from the program?

For example, when I sold this program to my husband, I focused on something I knew would attract him. He hated my independent behavior, so I told him about the policy of joint agreement, where all decisions have to be made with mutually enthusiastic agreement. The motivated him to use the program.

So what are her biggest complaints about you?

I can't get her to read the book let alone go on the program. I'll try though. I am going to finish the book first and then ask her that she think about reading it properly like I have. I know for a FACT she has skipped chapters that are applicable to me.

Complaints about me.... its gonna take a while.

What does she stand to gain from the program?

What I would do is prepare yourself to sell this program to her. That discussion needs to begin with a dose of radical honesty about how you are considering divorce. Let her know you would like to avoid divorce if you can and this is your plan to turn the marriage around.

You sell this by telling her you want for both of you to be happy in a passionate, intimate, romantic marriage. You want to make her happy and you want to be happy too. You cite some major complaints of hers that the program would solve. For example, if she complains about your lack of affection, you tell her "this program will give me the skills to become more effective at being affectionate to you."

You can have this article in hand and ask her to look it over and give you her thoughts. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8114_plan.html

PERFECT! You need to understand the program in order to sell it. And you can also expand your understanding VASTLY by listening to the MB radio show. It is an amazing free resource and you can listen to it any time. http://www.marriagebuilders.com//graphic/mbi4200_radio.html

I have serious downer feelings today. I just feel sometimes like it just isn't worth it. That I just don't want to put the effort in because I've tried so hard already. Cutting yourself with a knife is pretty nasty stuff and I just don't know if I want to risk going there again.... feeling very low about all this.

Sorry if this sounds cold.....but seriously, your problem sounds like a cake-walk compared to the nightmare of divorce.

I want to give you some hope, because working with a plan can make all the difference. You didn't have a PLAN in the past. Now you do. It doesn't mean she will get on board, but if she does, you have a chance.

Offer her a plan and tell her what you want. Be completely honest about your unhappiness. Let her know you are ready to leave the marriage at this point.

Close to tears at work - not a good look. We've spoken like this before but I said that we need to try and keep talking. Perhaps I should have been stronger and just quit it. I seem to have a MASSIVE problem with causing hurt and pain even if it means continued pain for me.

Life's a real mess right now.

Talk will not save your marriage. Your marriage can only be saved by a workable PLAN. ACTIONS will make the difference, not talking.

The reason all your hard work didn't work before is because you didn't have a Plan. Now that you have found MB now you have a plan. Why not give the MB plan a real effort?

Had an ok weekend.

I've asked her that when I finish the book that she read it properly. Rather than just cherry picking stuff that she feels I've done wrong (underline and quote) that she reads it from start to finish and then we work out how we could go forward.

Her response to was that she was tired of arguing that it was 'do or die'...

That's a major DJ right there.

You need to be very sure that you don't say anything to her that she feels is a lecture. All of that sounds like a lecture right there.

If you have a specific complaint, be specific about it. If there's something in the book that you are wishing she would follow, don't complain to her about how she reads the book or what parts she missed, and don't apply labels like "cherry picking" to her. All of that is lecturing and namecalling and disrespectful. Instead, be specific in your complaint: "It bothers me when you ..." "I would like it if you would ..."

Anybody can read the book and miss part of it. You definitely haven't picked up everything you need to see about eliminating DJs, for example. Be charitable, and instead of imputing motives to her ("cherry picking") or making value judgments ("didn't read the book properly"), bring up your specific complaints and keep them on the table.