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It sounds to me that despite the affair and the divorce, you DO want to reconcile with your WW but she is unwilling to do it.
There's something I find lacking in your posts, you didn't exactly elaborate on the problems in your marriage that led your WW to seek fulfillment in another man?
I know that by carrying on affairs, she had been acting selfishly and unethically, but if you really want to revive this marriage, you must be seeing some qualities in her that you have not divulged to us.
If you are not willing to give up, you must work on being brutally honest about the marriage - what drove her to stop loving you?
Bear in mind that I may be biased, I felt tremendous suffering in my marriage, and even though neither of us have had affairs, my husband is completely clueless as to why I have grown to truly detest him.
He has no introspection, he can't empathize or place himself in my shoes to judge if he has been a fair and caring spouse, if he had withdrawn too much from the Love Bank throughout our marriage.
So it might help for you to be frank and upfront about what LBs you might have acted out for your WW to turn away from you?
I am not saying that you must have done her wrong, perhaps you didn't. But then perhaps you did, you should ask her for clarity and closure. This poster needs to devote his energy to implementing Plan B. Further review of his marriage or ex wife will not help him. He needs to enter Plan B to move forward in life.
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It seems he doesn't want to give up trying, and from his posts, I could see how he might have withdrawn too much from the Love Bank. Could he not try to work on depositing into the LB to convince his wife he values his marriage enough to change?
I didn't enter into an affair, I wanted to the end the marriage, but I would definitely give it another chance if my husband would agree to change.
I am curious why his Plan A didn't work? From his tone, I didn't think he made a big change in his attitude towards her.
Last edited by Gave2Much; 02/11/15 10:36 PM.
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I think the issue is that this dude has been Plan A'ing her for like 3 years now and nothing has changed. The Plan B recommendation is being made since Plan A has not been effective.
Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders" 2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more. When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29 Married: 7 years Together: 8 years D-day: 10/5/2014 D filed: 1/22/2015 D Final: 6/4/2015 My story
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It seems he doesn't want to give up trying, and from his posts, I could see how he might have withdrawn too much from the Love Bank. Could he not try to work on depositing into the LB to convince his wife he values his marriage enough to change?
I didn't enter into an affair, I wanted to the end the marriage, but I would definitely give it another chance if my husband would agree to change.
I am curious why his Plan A didn't work? From his tone, I didn't think he made a big change in his attitude towards her. Dr Harley recommended plan B months, perhaps years ago.
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I am curious why his Plan A didn't work? From his tone, I didn't think he made a big change in his attitude towards her. You should read the thread from the beginning. Blindsided was separated for a year and on the brink of divorce before DDay. His wife had checked out of the marriage well before he even attempted any Plan A at all. There is a point of no return, and if you don't start turning things around before then, a late Plan A is not going to make a difference.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Mr. Eureka,
Has Blindsided contacted you and taken you up on your offer?
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Mr. Eureka,
Has Blindsided contacted you and taken you up on your offer? We have been in contact. I don't know yet if we will be successful in setting this up.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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I did read from the beginning of this thread. Plan A from what I understand is about putting love deposits for the WS to persuade them to give up on their affairs and to start anew. Reading his posts, I sense some rather uncharitable and uncaring thinking on his part as he carried out Plan A.
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I did read from the beginning of this thread. Plan A from what I understand is about putting love deposits for the WS to persuade them to give up on their affairs and to start anew. Reading his posts, I sense some rather uncharitable and uncaring thinking on his part as he carried out Plan A. You understand that Plan A hardly ever works? You allow the chemically addicted wayward his cake and to eat it too. That can't go on indefinitely. Snatching it away when they are comfortable is the piece de resistance. It's about the addiction, not the needs. Plan A merely primes the pump. Three years also is way too long. Dr H advises you divorce in two.
Last edited by indiegirl; 02/13/15 03:40 AM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Blindsided how's things going?
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
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