Dear All,

I am married for 5 yrs with 3 yr old son, my husband has drink occasionally with friends, 2 yrs ago he met with a male friend who is rich business man. He usually travels around world for fun and girls. In last 1.5 yrs he is always taking my husband along with him for his tours to different countries. Last time my husband went to Dubai and Thailand with my permission. At first i didnt approve; as i thought it not good to go alone to these places, but later with heavy heart i agreed and let him go. But warned as it was the last time he going for vacation like this.. he went to thailand for 5 days.

Now few days back in went to our home country for some work.. as we work n stay in different country now.. He told me that he is going with this friend again for short vacation within our home country.. again after fighting & crying i agreed n he went. But i found out a ticket from his email that he has not gone to vacation in his home town but in Thailand again without informing me for 7 days. I was shattered n devastated.

Now iam not sure .. wht to do .. I stopped all contacts with him not picking up calls or messages, where as he is apologizing with me every two days n soon he will be coming back to me in few days..Not sure how to react or talk with him after such a betrayal

Last time in thailand he confessed that they went to strip dancers to see dance but iam sure they must have made further movements n also slept with them..But i am not sure n he doesnt admit too..But this time, he went without informing me.. makes me more prone to this fact that he must have had one night stand..Cant make out wht to do..pls advice..I love him a lot but not sure if can stay with him with this pain.

The first thing you should do is expose his multiple affairs to family and friends

I would plan to separate and divorce him unless he agrees to never spend the night away from you again and participate in this program of recovery. I would caution you against having sex with him until you are both tested for STDs. You have to stop allowing him to bully you into reluctant agreements. You are both wrecking your marriage.

Here is what it will take to recover your marriage:

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

Are you willing to expose the affairs and hold him accountable to this checklist?