What is SAA?

And this is the part where we point out that MOST PEOPLE say this until they realize that they are heading towards a divorce unless they get evidence.

Then they start brainstorming and find a way to make it happen.

If you had a PI on them today, you would have your evidence and be ready to take the next step.

Thread moved to the correct forum Surviving an Affair.

Surviving
An
Affair

its moved now... ;o(... What do I do now, im beside myself, just want to call her and scream, but i know i can't...

Issue is I know what she will say if I say anything... she will just say they are friends and only grabbed lunch. She will defend herself in every possible way rather then admit this and stop it.

You MUST NOT say a word to her, ESL. Do NOT confront her!!

Quietly get the evidence!!!

Repeat: Do NOT confront her or mention anything about OM or an affair!!

You need to get a PI, ESL.

I understand and sympathize with the cost....but do you realize just how expensive divorce is??? 1K is a drop in the bucket.

I know.. im going to try... really try... i can't stop crying right now... I just dont know what to do... how do I stop this.. how do i get her back.. He will never be out of the picture unless she leaves her job and she wont... How can we recover from this.. it seems impossible.

Can you call your doctor and get on ADs?

You are going to have to pull yourself together and follow this step by step, ESL. You can do this!!

Very proud of you for taking this seriously!! Can you please find a way to hire a PI for a couple of days?

And tell me more about this Thursday night she spends at her mothers. WHY does she do that and what is she doing when she is there? Is her mother covering up her affair for her?

We will help you. Please CALM DOWN. We can help you save your marriage if you can calm down and be like James Bond.

You cannot let her know what you saw. Be calm and cool and don't let on about what you saw.

PLEASE find a way to hire a PI to tail her for a couple of days. Is this possible? Can you take out a new line of credit, perhaps? Can you borrow the money?

And PLEASE do not freak out. If you can follow a plan, it is very likely your marriage can be saved. WE WILL HELP YOU.

She has her own therapy on thursday nights, it is from 7:30 to 8:30, she works a lil late then goes to therapy then her moms which isn't far away. her mom i doubt would cover for her, her mom has been talking to me behind my wifes back this whole time, in fact im going to florida for work next week and her mom will be down there too, its her birthday and she wants me to meet with her and the florida family for dinner.

Originally the plan for seperation was she would sleep out tue and thurs, that never really happened. first week i slept out majority of the week, the second week, i slept out once or twice, and since then ive been home everday as well as her, with exception to the thursday nights. This past thursday she didnt sleep out, she had a busy week at work with the office move and wanted to come home and see the kids. Thursday fri sat and sun we slept in the same bed. Her therapy session this week is friday instead of thursday, it was schedule over a month ago, the therapist wont be available this coming thursday.. or so i was told.

I have been in your position where my head is spinning and I can barely think straight. What you do is follow what we are telling you step by step. Having a plan is what will help you get thru this.

This is very salvageble, ESL. But you must be cool calm and strategic. You must pull yourself together and follow the plan.

What do I do next then.... ill try to figure out a PI, but i dont see how i can afford it, even a loan will be difficult. It could be thousands.. its $600 for 4 hours 125 each hour after that. even if it took them 2 days, thats 2k. I have two very young kids and not alot in savings right now.

Can you get a GPS on her car? And perhaps slip some spyware on her phone? I don't think it would take long to get the spyware on her phone.

If you can do that, I bet you can catch her. You can get a babysitter for Thursday night and watch to see where she goes.

Here is a GPS tracker for $89 from Brickhouse http://www.brickhousesecurity.com/product/trackport+gps+tracker.do?sortby=bestSellers&from=fn

On this thread, scroll down to the post about Teensafe: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2832187#Post2832187

ESL,

You wrote, Issue is I know what she will say if I say anything... she will just say they are friends and only grabbed lunch. She will defend herself in every possible way rather then admit this and stop it.

So you need not to confront, but simply ask her how was lunch, unless you never ask and it would raise alarm bells with your WW. Build up a list of lies you can prove.

Go into ultra stealth mode 007 style you need to gather evidence which would convince the OMW especially. Can you get a friend to stake them out?

God Bless
Gamma

ELS,
Just a thought� a while back, you mentioned that you were doing the GPS tracking on your wifes phone, and she was always where she said she would be right? Well, if you still have access to this feature, you should see if it shows her staying in the office at 1:00 pm, when you know for a fact that she left with OM� This would explain why you were never seeing signs.

If you go back and look at my post on page 9, I mentioned that she was most likely leaving in his car. It turns out that was right. I know it is hard, but you can pretty much count on the fact that they are having sex, if they are spending time alone away from the office. Your wife is addicted to this man, and if you listen to everyone here, you can win her heart back. She is making decisions that she never would have made before. The woman you love is still in there. She needs to be awakened from her slumber in the fog. Believe it or not, she still loves you, and will someday snap out of this, and wonder how she could have been so stupid.

Once you get solid proof, the most important thing, that everyone on here will emphasize, is that you need to expose to everyone, in one big shock and awe tsunami effect way. It is the only way to stop this affair. The reason you are where you are now, is because when you found out about their emotional affair 6 months ago, there was no exposure, and all they had to do was go underground. Look where that has gotten you�

The veterans on this forum have seen these situations thousands of times, and they know exactly what works, and if you listen to them, you will be able to restore your marriage..

I want to give you hope, my friend. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but we have been through this thousands of times and know how it plays out. You are closer to resolving this today than you were yesterday. Your best shot is to stay focused on getting the evidence.

If you have that in hand, we can use it as a powerful weapon in saving your marriage. If you can follow a plan and stick with us, we might be able to save this. But please do not despair and don't feel hopeless. We have seen this turn around hundreds of times. This is FAR from hopeless.

Thank you all, the GPS is no longer on the phone, she has a new phone since then.. IM working towards getting evidence, i hope to get it soon, but so far no luck with VAR, PI i may not be able to afford... but im checking my options. Im not going to say anything to her tonight. as much as i want to I wont.. Just have to get my crying done before i leave the office.. im devistated.