I've been married for a year. I'm a flight attendant and met him in the UK. We were in a long distance relationship until he decide to move to the US and get married. Since the day we got married he has financially supported us, I don't get payed as much so my contribution is very little. I took a year off from flying so we could be together and I can go to school and work anywhere. For the last 3 months I haven't worked I haven't found any jobs and every time we get in to an argument he will make sure to tell me all he has done for us and that I haven't done anything for us. I clean, wash and do what can to make sure that he knows how thankful I am for what he does for us. It seems to be always the issue and he makes me feel like I'm useless. I finally got a job and he is now upset because he says that I need to make up for all the year he has worked and payed all our bills. I just feel that anything that I do it's just not enough. Can someone please give me any advice!!!

Best,
J

Experienced posters will be along to help you soon.
In the meantime, I encourage you to read the Articles (click the tab at the top of the website) as they contain helpful information.

It sounds like you have more of a business relationship than a marriage. Have you read the summary of Basic Concepts of MB? Here This is where I would start.

Dr. Harley describes marriage as a relationship of extraordinary care that is permanent and sexually exclusive. Your husband is a renter, rather than a buyer, in this relationship. He wants to make sure that the "scales are balanced," that what he does is carefully weighed against what he is getting from you. He is measuring in dollars.

Were you both in love when you married? What made you fall in love with each other? Are you spending 15 hours a week in UA time doing the things that you both happy - meeting the four intimate emotional needs?

Once you read through the Basic Concepts of MB and understand the concept of the love bank and what a great marriage is about, you can try to get your husband on board.

If both spouses follow the marital habits as outlined by Dr. Harley, the marriage will be wonderful. If not, well, the marriage will often be a disaster.

Come back and tell us what you think once you have read the Basic Concepts.

Tell him you won't have it. Marriage is not a forum for abuse. You are happy to listen to complaints but the next time it's delivered abusively he should start looking for somewhere to live and can't come home till the abuse is history.

You should read the financial support need and also the when to call it quits articles. You may want to Plan a him before any separation to make him miss you....but honestly this us a very young marriage and he is not very good husband material if this is how he handles conflict.

J, this is ringing alarm bells for me. He's not happy you are home more and creating problems based on the unsolvable (and quite innocent!) Issues of the past is highly suspicious.

Does he have a close female friend or work colleague? How accessible is his phone?

As men I feel that it is our job to work and provide financial support for our wives'. I am not against a wife working. And many men need their wife's income to keep the family books in the black. Me included.

Though I never have nor my wife have said "my money". Nor would I ever tell my wife she is not contributing her fair share towards the bills. Matter of fact if I made enough money I would have no problem with her not working out of the house.

What is it worth to come home to have clean clothes to put on after a shower in a clean bathroom with a clean towel, then to have a good meal in a clean house, sit in a clean comfortable living room in front the TV everyday, then sex before I go to sleep?

Priceless.

Specially what I would have to pay to have all those services provided.

You not only made a bad marriage but a bad business deal. At this point you are married short term so I say dump him for he is more of a loser then a man.

We have had people with a very high need for financial support show much more patience than this.

It's only ever a problem when someone refuses to look for work, or is unhappy to meet the needs.

Even if he had a high need, he's been consulted, a part of every decision made along the way - and the problem is now over and resolved!

Yet it's too useful a stick for beating her with.

There is more to this than meets the eye.

Is he provoking these fights?

Does he act strangely when you do something nice for him?