He doesn't know. We are all with my family now. Waiting for him to fly back before I have a talk with my family and see about talking to a lawyer. Thanks for following up on me. I'm really struggling with my thoughts on following through though.. vacation and being together in public with him is making me feel like everything is okay. :'( I'm so in love with who I want him to be. In love with the idea of our family. :'(

There is something better for you than this, PWMS. There really is.

X2^^^^

You are far too clever to waste away while pinning your hopes on a fantasy.

All you are doing is GUARANTEEING your happiness by making sure you never return UNLESS that fantasy is made real.

He could well be a lost cause. That's up to him. If he has a shot then making him step up and make real changes is the only chance you've got - and the only chance he's got too.

Whatever happens (and you will have a rough few weeks at first) .... you will have a tremendously better life this time next year, or even next month because you INSIST that your life is good and take control of it.

Why don't you tell your family (at least your mother/father/sister) what has been happening to you? That way, they can support you by helping you stay strong and not going with him. He does not have to know that you told them.

Stay the cours and do not postpone or go with him just for a short period, please.

My heart really hurts for you, PWMS. I really hope you get away from him and soon, for good.

Good for you for getting your son to safety! You won't regret it! Being away it will get more clear why you left. Women go back to an abusive relationship an average of 6 times before they stay gone. And each time gets more dangerous. That's why we encourage you to make a plan so you don't go back before your guy gets the help he needs. How about writing a plan B letter, so you know what lasting change looks like to you? Just for you to refer back to, not to send him. Then if you get tempted you can remind yourself of what real change your family would need to be healthy.

His flight leaves tomorrow and then my son and I are suppose to fly back 2 days following. I am terribly anxious, I vomit sometimes. I plan to share my post with my father after my fiance flys out-- it's going to be hard for me and I am terribly anxious about it. I'm going to ask my dad to see a lawyer with me.

Where do I find the readings on plan B etc..? What is pwms?

Your name!

P lease
W ear
M y
S hoe

PWMS

LTL

Here How to Plan B Correctly
What are Plan A and Plan B?

Have you told your father yet?
Has your boyfriend gone home?

Fiance left yesterday, Told my dad today. We are going to ask a custody lawyer questions tomorrow.. Phase 1 complete . I'm super proud of myself. I never thougHt I would follow through. I forwarded my original post here to my Dad. I could not get the words out in person. Pressing send was the hardest thing I've done in a long time. Vomited afterwards. I'm so emotionally wrecked right now. But excited with accomplishing the First step towards the rest of my life

You are so brave!

That is great news.
Please stay the course.
There may come times, that you feel nostalgic and think about his good sides or rather the person he could be. You should not cave in though for yourself and your child.

I'm glad that you have a support system in your family.

Way to go!! I agree, stay the course and glad that your dad is there for you.

I told my family everything. I called his mom and informed her how he has been struggling with ptsd, that we were not having a healthy relationship, about his suicide attempt, and that he had revealed harmful childhood experiences to me that he really needs emotional support for. I spared her the intimate details, as that was not my place. She agreed to go pick up the guns. She told me that although she was conflicted, that she could somewhat relate since her husband (his father) had veteran ptsd. She told me she loved me and that she would always be there for me. She really appreciated what I had shared with her. (He later proclaimed that his mother reached out to him and he told her everything... I'm not sure if that includes the childhood experiences... I Know he is afraid to hurt her in that regard, but I hope he told her. He can't keep that to himself forever)............I didn't get on the plane back to him. I told him why. His priority in the hours of conversation following were to ensure that he would see his son soon and that he would continue to have his time with him. He was devastated and balling that he wouldn't know when he was going to see his son again and that I chose to leave him. I explained and he agreed that when he became self destructive that he endangered us. The guns are out of the house now and he agreed to stop smoking. He told me he would remove his ability to access the Internet. He wishes to keep our family together and to continue therapy. He feels like he has come a very long way in understanding his behavior, recognizing his triggers, and learning to change his reactions. In that manner, he really has improved. But what I wanted from therapy was for him to open up to me so that I can learn to trust him again... That although I was shocked and devastated by his disturbing second life, that it was all the lies And secrets that hurt the most. He went into further depth of his addiction to sexual images that he is still trying to understand his addiction but that it developed from childhood molestation. He says he seeks out cyber sex to fulfill his addiction but that he is actually terrified for people to see him naked... (I can actually relate as I have participated in similar activities prior to our relationship, and have recently displayed somewhat nude images on a website in hopes of some male approval) he says the only thing about him that he isn't ashamed of is his male part so he exchanges pictures with people on the internet after he fantasizes about meeting up with them. He says he kept a condom because he intended to use it to pleasure himself. He says he has never had actual physical relations with another person. He claims he is ashamed and regretful and was living in the moment.. That he would do anything I asked to keep his family together. He agreed to perform a polygraph.. Although, With research idk how we would pay for it. ... He claims that he does not want me to feel manipulated into staying with him, that It was ultimately my decision... That of course he loves me and wishes to remain with me but that our son comes first and that I do deserve to be happy, that he understands that he pushed us away and he takes responsibility for it.......... He really is a compassionate person, and does a lot for his extended family and friends. He is very likable when his moods aren't swinging. He has never became slightly violent towards me nor any child nor woman in the 8 years I've been with him. Nor do I feel like he has it in him to do so... He was in some fist fights with boys/men when he was younger, but he has not engaged in a fight in several years. I don't have the most compatabe personality either, i am somewhat instigative in nature, I get defensive, snappy and rude which doesn't not help out when he is stressed. Sure we bicker but to be honest, the way we talk to each other is far better than the way my own family treats each other. I also have been difficult to love, I have difficulty displaying affection and I do little to let him know that I am attracted to him. My infedelities have affected him in similar ways he has affected me. He did not mention any of this to me nor hold me accountable for any of his actions, nor does he feel that his actions were excusable but I feel like it's necessary to mention it. He promises to be open and honest with me. If we sign some sort of ultimatum contract on our ecxpectations of each other, is it really unreasonable to make another attempt at our relationship? I know it took him 7 years to propose and that we're still not married, but to be fair we have been struggling with financial stability the entire time.. He has been trying to plan a wedding, but I have been putting it off in hopes of some financial stability. Idk what do to. I love him and miss him, and admire him, and I want to raise my son with him because he is an absolutely amazing father. And my son absolutely adores him. I have to be fair and agree that although I think that I'll be happy at home right now, that my home life isn't really ideal for me or for my son either. It's probably worse. I'm feeling extremely conflicted. She things have never changed, but we have never actual made attempts to change things nor sought much professional help for our relationship nor ourselves. Would it really be a stupid decision to try to put my family back together? I feel incredibly conflicted.

I do feel like I atleast need to stay away for a while, to prove that I am serious and to work on myself while he works on himself. I just don't know how we are going to share our son in the mean time. And I don't know how well he would commit to real change if I'm not there to witness it.... Ugh so conflicted. :'(

This is just a sequence of very, very low standards. Like you don't really expect to be happy.

It's not infidelity. It was being trapped in a situation you never committed to.

His reasons for cyber whoring... Do the reasons matter????!!!!

Get Dr H's objective advice and stick to it. You'll be amazed at what's possible.

You're not far out enough yet for objectivity.