Dr. Harley never says that human life has no value.
However, he has explained hundreds of times on his daily Radio Show that when a person is in a dangerous situation they should separate for their safety.
He is very experienced in this matter. Previously he owned the largest chain of mental health clinics in the state of Minnesota and dealt with all types of mental illnesses.

Dr. Harley encourages separation until the abusive spouse is able to control themselves and behave rationally. It is not the role of this woman to be her boyfriends counselor.

Furthermore, the type of relationship she is in opens her up to this abuse. That is why Dr. Harley does not encourage sex or cohabitation prior to marriage.

The poster should follow the advice which was given on day 1 and separate immediately and consult with an attorney.

**EDIT*

moderator's note: DO NOT POST ON THIS THREAD AGAIN!!

Mmmmm. These guys couldn't get a woman to enthusiastically marry them with a million in one hand and the fountain of youth in the other.

However they are very good at 'give me a try' - and then making her feel trapped and too committed to leave. Not committed to what makes her happy, but shamefully giving her the responsibility for keeping his goblins in line.

I just wanted to say what a wonderful and inspiring post this was.

The only thing you accomplish by listening to abusive and manipulative people is continued abuse.

How are you doing?
Are you still with your father?
have you spoken with an attorney?

Well, I got an email saying that Dr. Harley would contact me Saturday and it's now almost Friday again and I've heard nothing.... I honestly am super content and happy just staying here with my family... But my father is encouraging me to go back and give our relationship another try.. That it isn't right for me to keep my son away and not give the guy another chance while receiving real treatment... As long as I feel that I nor my son are in any danger. And honestly I don't feel like we are in any danger. To be fair, the gun was not together when we were wrestling for it.... And I do believe that he only acted like that because he had regressed to childhood memories when he had began to reveal them and his sex addiction for the first time.... Not that the behavior was excusable at all. My father has lectured me on the importance of self love/worth and has showed me all the ways that I have let the guy manipulate me and has helped me envoke the courage I need to take the drivers seat in our relationship. I have learned to and have set strict expectations: no drugs, (he quit alcohol completely last year as I requested when he went out a couple times and became real emotional and self destructive), no internet, no porn, no disrespect, lies nor manipulation, etc. And I do now feel comfortable taking off in a flash with my son if any expectations are crossed. my father still wants me to follow through with a lawyer, but I am having trouble feeling like that is necessary-- as he has been super aggreable since I have set expectations and explained what he has done and how it has effected me. He has taken complete accountability for everything and understands why I have left and want space. He promises to do anything and everything to keep us.... Here's to hoping he's not just baiting me. But I've been side by side with the guy for nearly a decade and I truly believe he is being sincere. I do love him and miss the idea I had for our family... I am set to fly home at the end of the month. I'm not excited about it

Oh my god. Please don't listen to your dad. And don't listen to yourself. You really don't think you are in danger because the gun wasn't all the way together? What happens if next time it is? Christ woman... Promises are promises, actions are a complete other. Oh honey. If you go back to that area, you need to get a place by yourself. You need to not be living with this dude, for SO many reasons.

Sorry, Im just so astonished by what seems to be a complete reversal of what you knew just a short time ago. Don't let your emotions and missing him stop you from making a HEAD decision. This is not a decision that you want to use your heart in.

Your dad may have good intentions but is not knowledgeable in safe relationships.
Dont return home.

Please look at what you wrote about your dad's advise. A few weeks is not enough time for your boyfriend to firm his foundation. If he has been abused to the point that a flashback leads to you wrestling for a gun, he needs more time to get his emotions and life on track. Adding the stress of a relationship and a young baby will only divide his attention from truly getting healthy. And you having to set these strict boundaries and enforce them, does not give you a relationship of two equals who show each other extraordinary care. Your boyfriend is just not ready for that yet. He needs to focus on getting himself pulled together.

:'(

I was dead set on not coming back. But after the guns were removed from the house and since I don't feel endangered, my Dad encourages me to go back home. He says to ask him to live in a different place.. Until after couples therapy and stuff, but I can't do that... I'm not strong enough to say maybe. It has to be yes or no. And the only way I can be strong enough to say no is to cease contact.... But now I feel empathy, trust and faith in him and obligation to him again :'( because of what my Dad says (my dad has always been my rock ) , and because he is saying all the right things and seems so sincere :'( and because his behavior had really made a MAJOR turn around since therapy began a couple months back. He really seems to be making a huge effort to change. I feel so obligated to keep the family together for him. :'( I still feel like my taking our kid across the country makes me the bad guy. :'( I have never really been very attracted to him physically so I feel like I am being selfish and conceded by feeling like I could do better, even with a personality change . And I have never really shown him much affection nor praise in regards to his appearance or anything so I guess I feel responsible for some of his insecurities... As well as the fact that I cheated on him. And he's hasnt always been a bad guy, the moments he's good are really good... I just feel so much guilt and remorse for him. I am terribly conflicted. Why am I so concerned with HIM ?? I care too much for everyone BUT myself. I don't know what to do. I don't know what the right thing is to do. He always says "you can't just take my kid" and your "abandoning me" "when I'm doing everything right, now". And I feel like he's right . He seems to be trying so hard to keep us now, that I feel so loved and needed :'( . I understand that as an emotionally abused/neglected child, that I feel unworthy and desperate for love, but I believe him that I'm just "walking away" instead of "working it out".

Feeling abandoned and blown off. Created by what goes around comes around. Here is the post he made on our Facebook page after I had disagreed to come back in a week but got a flight home for two weeks out.... I had been behaving as if we are still in a relationship but had been ignoring his calls a lot... And when he asked if I had been avoiding him, I admitted that I was because I needed space from him...... He promised to leave me alone until I returned but of course that lasted like one night...

"Feeling abandoned and blown off. Created by what goes around comes around. Advice to couples: we all have our struggles. If you know you are struggling with something and know your creating or contributing to a pain point. Don't hesitate to realize and seek help, or assistance. Don't ruin anything that means everything to you. You will eventually be feeling that fire you built. Don't burn your [censored] and ruin a good thing you have going for you. It's never to late for you until you hesitate and keep blowing off your issues that hurt others closest to you.-Chris. Prayers and support from friends and family because lord knows it's needed for me and this family."

Is this a guilt method? Or sincerity? Can you understand why I feel so conflicted? Of course his family rallied to support him even though they have no idea what's going on... But they have also remained super family like to me...

Grrr. Stressing out.
The closer I get to going home, the more upset I get :'(

That is complete nonsense he posted .
You are not in a safe relationship with him.
I encourage hou to visit a womens shelter and share what you posted on tbis forum and ask the lady there if it is a safe relationshio worth returning to.

How do I tell him that? I don't know how to justify taking away his son :'( . It would be different if our son were older but he is so young and I would feel so guilty about him missing all of his milestones.. That is the part I feel the most guilt about. Do I let him pick him up and keep him for some time? Do I legally have a choice (I know I still need to ask a lawyer)? I don't think I could bear separating with my son, nor could we afford shuffling our kid back and forth.... But if I really most leave him, I have to stay with my family, otherwise I promise it's hopeless for me. I can not bare to be alone .... But that makes me an unfit mother doesnt it?

Honey, you don't HAVE a family. He's a boyfriend, not a husband. He's not part of your family. Im sorry. You are not safe with that person, and apparently, your father who you call your rock is not safe as well. Keep in mind, your father's mindset isn't exactly healthy either. He's allowed himself to be abused for years. Do you want your son continuing that trend as he gets older because thats all he's going to see? Don't you realize what he's doing with the manipulative Facebook posts and his comments about how you're just abandoning him? He's again emotionally abusing you. That is NOT making an effort to change. He's abusing you and showing you its not safe by being emotionally manipulative. You don't deserve this honey, and neither does your tiny baby son. You are not married to him, so legally, he would have to seek custodial rights in order for you to be required to transport your son to him. Frankly, I don't see many courts doing that with his violence issues.

Its time for you to grow up, take a stand and be a big girl. Be a mother, honey. Your son NEEDS you to keep him safe. Your "boyfriend" is not safe.

Should I expose him on our Facebook page? Perhaps my original post? Or is that way out of line?

Id make your own Facebook, if you're going to have one. Dating couples having a joint Facebook is just weird.

We've considered ourselves married for several years.... And have cohabited for just as long, we share loans, bills, a child, everything. They only thing missing is the legal document.... My question is, do I expose everything to all of our family and friends? The emotional abuse, the infedelities, his long kept secrets of sex addiction and childhood abuse??

You are not married and you are not in a healthy relationship.
As a general rule, Dr. Harley recommends against exposing infidelity if there is no legAl marriage because it could be a legal liability to do so.
At this point, I think you should focus on visiting an attorney or woman shelter for legal advice and plan to remain permanently separated from him.

Sorry honey, but considering yourself married and actually BEING married are two different things. You are not married, period. You should read the stuff on this site about "renters, buyers and freeloaders".