How many kids? Are they with each other?

Was this ever meant to be a marriage or just to keep him here?

I thjink what you are saying is that you applied for a marriage licence and filled out the paperwork. However, did you get it signed by a religious clergyman or Justice of the Peace? If you did, then there must have been some sort of ceremony for that to happen. You must say your vows in front of the JP and witnesses for the JP to sign your licence.

If you didn't get it signed by a JP after saying vows in front of a JP, then you are not legally married.

Did you get the licence signed by a JP after saying vows in front of witnesses?

I think, from this post, that what I suggested is the case. You filed out a marriage licence but never had a ceremony in front of a JP, and never got the licence signed. That would mean that you are not legally married.

I am so frustrated by these responses... (other than 2 of you who responded to my question.. and thank you) I did not start this forum to bicker over legal questions. I may have phrased things in a confusing way, and I apologize... after reading through the material on this site, it is suggested that one preserve marriage at all cost, but when dating instead focus on choosing the right person. We planned to marry before his affair was discovered. In Colorado, a couple can apply for a marriage license, and actually fill it out themselves. A justice of the peace or clergy member is not necessary. We did this several months in advance of our planned wedding, which did not happen. None of that is the point, though!!!

I am trying to figure out how to proceed with this relationship, but will take my concerns elsewhere.

I was hoping this community would be more supportive.

I think I answered the question about kids in my original post, but thanks for asking. We have a 9, 10, and 13 year old, and a `1 year old. The older kids spend a few days a week together, but have bonded through vacations, etc.. I would like to preserve their relationship, and my relationship with my step-kids regardless of what happens.

Yes, this was meant to be a marriage. 2 years ago things started falling apart, and I was hoping they would somehow work out, but I was focusing on my pregnancy and raising a newborn. He went to counseling a few times, and then refused. He is now acting like he may be invested enough to work on this, but I don't even know what to ask him to do.

Black raven, I am not a liar.. For convenience's sake, we got leagally married prior to our public ceremony. I don't know what would motivate you to call someone a name who is asking for help. I hope you consider this prior to doing this in the future.

You said you are legally married yet your family and friends think you are and WH are engaged...well you and/or WH would have had to lie (even by a lie by omission) for people to think you are only engaged still. You haven't corrected that thinking or else they would know you are married. So you also have kept this lie going.

I already posted that this marriage is not worth saving. You are married to a serial cheater who also cheated on his first wife. WH did not marry you out of love or for your the child you share. Your marriage is one of convenience due to an immigration issue. He lost respect for you when you cheated on him with your ex (I do believe that is likely true even though he is a cheater himself), broke up with you more than once, and didn't want to have a public ceremony with you or buy you a ring. Nothing about this guy's actions shows that he cares about you. You accepted crumbs from him. I believe he will continue to treat you poorly...believing you will stay at all cost so he can treat you however he wants.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but that is the reality of your situation. I would divorce him. He sounds like a dbag.

I think you are confused and need to find more information about your state law to clarify it to yourself..

In Colorado you have to apply for marriage licence, however,that's the first step...
Just because you have your marriage license sent to you in the mail does not mean you are officially married. You need to have a justice of the peace or a religious clergyman sign the document.

It's the same like filing divorce papers doesn't mean that you are divorced.

I don't have time to look into it further by CO does have some weird law:

Solemnizing a Marriage: Couples themselves may solemnize their own marriage (perform one's own marriage ceremony). According to Colorado Revised Statute 14-2-109, a marriage may be solemnized by a judge of a court; by a court magistrate; by a retired judge of the court; by a public official whose powers include solemnization of marriages; by Indian tribe officials; by clergy; by the parties to the marriage. If you wish to solemnize your own marriage, you will be responsible for acquiring, completing and returning the license to marry to the appropriate county Office of the Clerk and Recorder.

I don't know why anyone would do this though if they had a planned ceremony. A marriage license is only good for thirty days before it expires.

It doesn't sound like she's legally married (assuming they didn't follow through and return the license back to the county Office of the Clerk and Recorder).

OP - was this final step taken?

I am legally married. We "solemnized" our own marriage on the marriage certificate, returned it to the court. They processed it and sent it back to us...

My question is whether or not I should treat this relationship as if it's a marriage or not, as far as where I go from here.

I don't see how you can be married without witnesses.

This should be easy to anull, which I would do and move on.

Good point. Will you get it annulled?

We were married almost 2 years ago. If you read my thread, you'll know that my state has a process that allows a couple to marry themselves if they apply for a license, fill out the certificate of marriage, and submit it.

I am filing for legal separation while I wait and see if my husband decides to step up or not... I considered us married, but he didn't...

Then I would push for divorce.

Unfortunately there are a lot of people that go through paper marriages to get the right to live and work in the US. Sadly it is often the case that the US citizen is duped into believing it is a genuine marriage while for the foreigner it is just a piece of paper.

You are very wise to refuse to play along with his game any more. After 2 years he can get his permanent card. Draw your line in the sand and recover your dignity.

I agree.^^^^

Thank you livingwell, Brainhurts, and indiegirl. I do appreciate the feedback.

I know it seems obvious, probably, but hearing the same advice repeatedly really does help me stop doubting myself, and know I'm doing the right thing.

It's just so hard with the big kids. I'm going to try and maintain some kind of relationship between my 10 year old and his 9 and 13 year old.. they've spent the last 4 years in a sibling-type relationship