Hi all, I was here @ 5 years ago and here I am again : (
This is now DD#3 on 10/31/15 and it was a doooozy!
Past history: DD1: 2003 (ea turned into pa so we had to move across country to diff office so she wouldn't claim sexual harassment) DD2: 2010 he TT'ed me with 1/2ea's, a few ONS and inappropriate email stuff.

We are on #3 and he NOW realizes he is a sex addict. There were @ 30 women incl prostitutes (mostly AM, FF etc hook ups) and on long term (3.5 years) over past 13 years. He says it was all just sex/conquest. I think he was chasing that "true love" feeling but if that didn't happen he enjoyed the sex.

He is in recovery, went to 2 wk residential SA rehab and is seeing a SCAT therapist, who unless my WH is lying about the advice he is given - I think is an idiot. He is going to meetings. I am seeing IC.

Now the problem is that I have asked for a detailed timeline. I am a visual person and like things in order. We had a disclosure where he told me a bunch of stuff, answered some questions but it was missing some women and was all very vague. I need to have a clear outline in my mind (written down) of who (don't need names, I already know @ 5 out of the @30), what, where, when and how. He is refusing to put anything on paper. I have explained I already have lots of printed evidence like texts and emails. Meanwhile, my brain is coming up with ALL sorts of questions like "but did she wear a blindfold while in handcuffs too or just you" and since now all hotels are a trigger for me I would like to know the exact hotels so I dont keep panicking every time I see one... etc.

He refuses and says "I know I should be in guilty perpetrator mode and just do whatever you demand whenever and just beg for mercy, like in all the posts you read. but I cant. I have boundaries too. it is partially painful and uncomfortable. it is also partly legal. anyhow, this is where I am at right now. EVERY person I have spoken with has said do not put a disclosure in writing. Lawyers, therapists and a friend. Although I love you and want you to heal, I cannot let your threats overcome my common sense and the advice of everyone else. sorry you married a lawyer. I know, shameful. lol"

I have told him that without this I can no longer stay married to him and will file for divorce. Please give me your opinions.

I'm wondering if it is because he is a lawyer or if it is because he is too filled with shame and it will be too difficult/painful to do?

me: BS
WH:sex addict
married 25 years 4 children one w special needs
dd#1 6/03 one woman ea and pa.
dd#2 6/2010 trickle truth 3-4 ONS's and inappropriate online activity
dd#3 10/31/14: found out about more than 30 women over 12 years, one for 3.5 yrs,

"I can no longer stay married to him and will file for divorce. Please give me your opinions."

Do this.

And please get every sort of STD test done, YESTERDAY.

Get divorced!

x 2

You deserve better.

Thanks! Did that! Amazingly we are both good!! Thank you god!

I'm so sorry the abuse has continued.

I agree with SugarCane, file for divorce and protect yourself. And go dark to where you never have to speak or hear from him again.

Good.

Now get divorced.

If you think the therapist is an idiot, then he is an idiot.

Your husband is not a sex addict. He is just a dirty dog.

Get divorced.

Thank you all! I just want you to all know that we "met:phone" w Harley 5 years ago a few times when WH moved out because we were fighting so much and he had lot's of advice that sounded promising but I guess it didn't sink in. He did move back in though, but only to continue what he was doing.

Are you going to get a divorce?

I met with my lawyer today and gave him all the financial stuff and started the process. I had met with him a few weeks ago about a divorce then switched it to post-nup but now I'm back to D

Will you be cutting off all contact with your WH?

Is he still living at home?

IDK he is legally allowed to live here so I'm not sure how to handle that. I don't want to see him or talk to him. I am just soo sad. I have a HUGE family. 19 first cousins, loads of aunts and uncles and I will be the first divorce : (

This is very much the right thing to do. Have you told your H to move out? He should leave today. Do not let him manipulate you into worrying where he will live. Just get him out.

**EDIT**

He is legally allowed to live there, but if you pack a suitcase with essentials, put it on the doorstep and and change the locks, is he REALLY going to call the police and demand that you let him back in, knowing that you will tell them about his affairs with dozens of women?

If he tries to get the law on his side, put up a notice in your front garden exposing the truth for the world to see, then change the locks again.

Who knows the latest about these affairs? Do both sets of parents know, and all these cousins, aunts and uncles? Do your children know? They should all know, even the one with autism.

The fact that yours will be the first divorce does not matter. It is irrelevant to getting your life together, which is what we focus on in this forum.

We did a polygraph a few weeks ago - I paid - he passed. I told the DH of the 3.5 yr one and he wasn't surprised. I think the rest are single or prostitutes or ONS from AM, FF etc.. spray paint his car - haha! He would put me in jail and get custody. The kids already know. : (

Meanwhile, since I have triplet 15 y/o boys I am going thru this while @ 10 15 y/o boys are in my house because we are the welcoming house where mom is always home and always stocks the fridge. I can't go downstairs in my condition.

You know that there were dozens of women, you know that he risked your life by exposing you to all their diseases, and that should be enough for you to wash your hands of him. Focus on the divorce and protecting your mental health, not on playing games that will only send you to the mad house.