No, it's free pages on this site:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html

I can totally understand that you feel uncomfortable with the closeness. I remember that I would close my eyes, because it would feel weird to look him in the eyes during sex in the beginning.

If you do not like to be kissed a certain way, then tell your husband how to kiss you so that you will like it. Dr. Harley advices that the spouse with the highest need (usually the husband) should make sure that the sexual experience is pleasant for the spouse with the lower need. It is positive that you say that your husband makes an effort to accomodate your expressions. If he is generally sensitive to your needs, he will be glad if you tell him how you feel so that he can take your feelings into account.

All people are different. There is no need to stare into his eyes to give him an emotional connection if you are naturally inclined to close your eyes. The important thing is that you can relax in his presence and do not try to become someone that you are not. If you feel more comfortable with your eyes closed most of the time that is perfectly OK.

I don't know if your husband actually told you that he wants to intensely connect with you emotionally during sex by looking you in the eyes. As this is very new, he should concentrate on making your comfortable and relaxed. He is not attaining his objective of closeness if you do not like the way he does it. It is important that he also spends time with you talking, because that is what most women need to feel connected. Maybe you can start filling out the emotional needs questionaire to get the conversation going on your needs and what it takes for you to feel connected to him. You can then also talk about what is important to you in terms of sexual fulfillment.

If he is making an effort, your perspective is valuable information for him. If he tries to do things with you that he likes, because he thinks he likes them too, that can backfire.
Please read up on Dr. Harley's basic concept of undivided attention, because that is important to stay in love, expecially if he is working long hours.

I never meant to give the impression that you should conform to anything that makes you uncomfortable! I just want you to know that you are not alone in feeling uncomfortable with affection in general. I have been doing a lot of research on abuse (including childhood abuse) and it has brought me comfort in understanding my past, and how it has been a major part of my development--- ie my lack of understanding or comfort of affection. Some characteristics of mammals develop naturally (instincts), while others are learned from their mother/ parents. But we also have a natural need to feel loved and nurtured, and if we don't have that as children, it creates a feeling of emptiness that we crave to fill... But we are unsure how. Their is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. You are so lucky to have such a loving man in your life, I am sure he would love to hear your story, your feelings, your concerns... Honesty is vital in love. For somebody who has been decieved, abused and manipulated for a decade... I know this all to well. And honesty makes us feel close to each other... And That is when affection begins to come naturally... And it is different for everybody it sounds like you are achieving everything you wanted in life and I admire that