I hope what I'm about to share isn't crossing the line. If it is please let me know. This is something too embarassing to share with a friend. Just a little background. We've been married 7 yrs and hubby is military. I suspect he has some PTSD(anger issues) going on but he won't admit to it or go to counseling.

A few weeks ago I was getting dressed to go to my friends bday party. It was an upscale restaurant/club. Hubby was in the room when I was getting dressed and told me I should change bc I look "too sexy". It was a short semi loose fitting black dress that stopped just above the knee. I told him I rarely have anyplace to wear this dress and he had nothing to worry about. He then asked for a quickie and I told him no, bc I just got out of the shower. Next thing I know he gets up and says "I'm tired of you telling me no" and carries me to the bed. I tell him stop playing around, but I look in his eyes and he is serious. Instead of being angry the first thing I think about is that I'm not on the pill right now ( issues with my previous one and I'm waiting for my GYN to prescribe me a different one) and how I just can't get pregnant again as we are having issues.

He starts taking my underwear off and I tell him, "no when I get back". He said "no now"!I said then at least put a condom on bc I don't want to get pregnant. He gets a condom, then I start to get mad bc he's forcing me, so I try to get up but he holds me down with one hand ( he's a LOT bigger than me) and uses his other hand to put the condom on. I'm in shock at this point, but here's where it gets confusing. I start to actually enjoy it and eventually have an orgasm. I feel like my husband and my body betrayed me at the same time! Now I'm afraid that he thinks this is some sort of turn on and he'll do it again!?

What you described is rape. You do realize this, right?

Honey, that is rape. That is completely, 1000% rape.

I don't know if I want to call it that. I feel like I gave him mixed signals and he's never done anything like that before, but it did scare me. We both have a high sex drive(his slightly higher than mine) but things have been so tense between us lately and I turned him down more than I should. He's not used to that. Right now anytime I want to bring up issues, I'm being too sensitive or overreacting and he's starting to make me believe it.

What is your question?

I don't know. Maybe I'm just getting this off my chest, meet another military spouse who's been there, someone to tell me it will be ok? Just feeling isolated and alone.

This is rape. And most rape victims are confused. I think Dr. Harley would recommend immediate separation.

If you aren't sure, email him. Mbradio@marriagebuilders.com

***EDIT***

I am a military spouse, my husband has PTSD, has been in treatment for the last 3 years, and has NEVER raped me. What happened to you was rape. Im so sorry.

First off, you were raped, and I believe you need to file a police report.


I think it's disrespectful to try to press your spouse to "admit" something, when "admit" means "agree with my diagnosis." And I think most counseling is lousy.

BUT

I agree with Dr. Harley that angry outbursts should NOT be tolerated at all in marriage.

Please read my wife's thread full of great information from Dr. Harley on what to do with an angry husband. Don't waste time trying to get him to agree with a diagnosis.

Here is my wife's thread:

What to do with an angry husband

Finally, let me just mention that something sounds a little off about the idea that you are headed out to parties without your husband. In a good marriage, couples are each other's favorite recreational companions. That's totally secondary to the main issues of him raping you and his angry outbursts, though. I just wanted to mention that to get you started thinking about changing your expectations about marriage.

It's rape; what difference does it make if it's because he was in the military or not? He needs to learn that if he doesn't KNOCK IT OFF, regardless of why he is doing it, he will end up in prison.


It will not be okay if you do not report it.

IT WILL NOT BE OKAY.

Share it with the police.

You seem to be coming off very hostile. I see nothing wrong goung out with a friend for a special occasion such as her bday. If you really must know I only go out ( other than a play date or lunch with a friend) once or twice a yr with a friend, and I don't dance with other guys. Is it ok that my hubby has riding and shooting buddies? Are couples not allowed to have separate friends? Thanks for your wife's link. I'll check it out.

There is nothing hostile in telling you how a happy marriage works.

Optms, you are reading something into Markos post that is not there. He is not hostile, he is just giving you critical information. I hope you can keep an open mind and listen. I am not sure why you are here if not to listen.

I think I should have limited my post to just this part:

You can get advice from Dr H on the radio show. He has dealt with similar situations. I'm sorry my dear but you already knew this was rape and you need advice on the next steps.

I think you should file a police report too.

Are you going to file a police report?