Sorry, I wasn't arguing what her intentions were, just stating that I don't feel the computer is necessarily her main tool / only tool to use for her extramarital activities. I agree alcohol isn't to blame for her actions. She knew what she was doing. She knew the potential consequences, and she chose to act anyway.

I hear what you all are saying. I really do appreciate the advice and do not want to piece meal my recovery. At the same time, please understand that my wife is in a very fragile emotional state right now. Any negative experiences she has with me right now (like asking her to discuss the affairs or suggesting she change much of her behavior) lead to her feeling like I can't accept her for who she is and that we will never work out. I feel I need to be a positive presence in her life right now. I wasn't for a very long time. She really is trying to let her walls down and learn to open up to me again. We've talked more these past two months than we have in years. I feel if I push the issue(s) too much right now, I may prevent her from learning to love me again.

It's a delicate issue. She has agreed to NC with the other men. She is trying to be radically honest. She is trying to meet my ENs. If my bringing up the past or suggesting she "stop this or that" acts as a love buster to her, is it really in my best interest, at this fragile point in our relationship, to belabor those points? I feel I need to be mostly Giver right now.

Has she stopped drinking alcohol?

I think you'll find the people on this board understand your wife's mental state far better than you can imagine. After all, most everybody posting to you has been there before in one way or another, plus we have spent countless hours listening to and learning from Dr. Harley, who is an expert in the field of infidelity. Plus we have worked with lots and lots of couples who have been right where you are. We have seen couples succeed, and we have seen couples fail. It's not random, and it's not magic. If everybody's warning you you are leaving something out, they are right, and you are headed for failure if you want to ignore them.

Are you listening to Dr. Harley's radio show, daily?

Yes. She hasn't had a drop since DDay. That was entirely her decision. I never asked her to quit. Though I am grateful she has. She used alcohol as a way to numb herself from her and our problems.

no, I've listens a few times, but not daily.

Agreeing to stuff is meaningless if it is not backed up by actions. These actions are not love busters. They are the necessary extraordinary precautions that are essential if she is going to be successful at delivering on her agreements. All means used in her past affairs must be eliminated. They don't have to be the "main tool" to justify elimination. Everything you allow to remain in place actually communicates to your wife that you really don't care for her, because if you really did care, you would not permit her to remain at risk.

You can't afford to keep missing the opportunity to learn how to save your marriage. You are going to need all the help you can get, so start listening every day. Don't miss a show; there will be something valuable for your efforts in every single show.