Blown away. I couldn't even pretend that I didn't find the text messages. I lost it. This has been the most difficult 24 hours of my entire life.

She's been talking to this guy for about 6 months. Visits him, goes for walks, and she claims they have done absolutely nothing physical. I would never in a million years believe that, for starters I can't believe this is even happening, except for the fact that in my detective work exposing this, I found a recent email with them discussing how happy they are that they are able to spend time together without either one of them making physical advances. She claims that she has kissed him a few times. None of the hundreds of texts mention anything physically flirty or sexual. Of course being a man, I still don't buy it.

I know that Emotional Affairs can exist without getting physical, but I just can't get past this part and I don't believe it. I know that a lot of people feel like Emotional Affairs are more devastating than physical ones, but I don't know about that for me. I feel like if I knew for sure they were having sex, it would be 100 times more tragic for me. Not saying that I'm not still crushed, and I don't know what I'll do with my life now. I still love her. I want to be SUPER angry at her, but I'm more just crushed and hurt. I can't even imagine how I'm going to go back to work on Monday. I have an extremely busy week, and the thought of it with this on my mind seems beyond impossible. Thanks for listening. Feel free to ask any questions that you think might be good for me to be thinking about.

I'll add that I certainly don't feel like I'm a perfect husband, but I thought things were pretty good, but maybe I was in denial. She feels that I'm too controlling and that I talk down to her too much. I'm not saying that I'm never guilty of that, but she has also had depression and low self esteem her entire life. I've stuck by her through so much of this mental health stuff, but part of me is blaming myself for this, which I know is another one of those things they say you should never do.

Welcome to MB and I'm sorry for your pain.

Who is the OM? Is he married?

How long have you been married? Do you have any children?

Have you read through this?

SAA-Start Here First

The guy is a friend of our neighbors. We've been married 10 years. 3 young kids.

Did you read the exposure thread?

Is the guy married?

Did not read the exposure thread yet. The guy is divorced.

Go to the OM's Facebook and copy all his friend's list. Exposure is the first step to killing the affair. The affair must be killed before you can start recovery.

Read the exposure thread and come back so we may help you with a plan.

AMM,

You wrote, She claims that she has kissed him a few times.

Accept that it went further than that, waywards almost always minimize. Kissing means oral sex or even intercourse.

You may have to move away since your neighbor is now an accessory to the affair.

Also the OM is divorced because he has affairs, not vice versa.

God Bless
Gamma

So you don't buy into this idea I've been reading that there can be Emotional Affairs without sex?? Not a rhetorical question here. Really asking your thoughts.

Yes there can be emotional affairs without sex. We see them on here all the time. Especially if they are long distance, but your WW's OM lived close.

Did you read the exposure thread yet? You need to concentrate on exposing the affair.

Here's who knows:

Both sets of parents, all of our siblings, her 3 closest friends (they knew it was happening and told her to stop talking to him. I have those texts, too.) Our neighbors, people she works with because she had a breakdown at work yesterday when I figured it out. And various other people in our small town that saw them in public together. Yea, I know. I don't understand why she would be in public with him. This town is 10,000 people.

That has to be a good start, right?

Has anyone told her to stop her affair? Her parents? Your parents?

How old are your children?

Yes that's a really good start, but now you need to expose on his side. His parents, siblings and any married friends.

Use the template in the exposure thread to ask them all to put pressure on the affair.

Is she saying she'll end the affair?

Welcome to MB.

Has your wife said that she will end the affair and commit to the marriage?

How far away does this man live? Could your wife continue to see him easily behind your back?

Do you know his full name? How do you know he is divorced?

Do the neighbours (the friends of his) know about the affair? Have you spoken personally to them about it? How long did they know about it? As far you are aware, do they intend to continue their friendship with him?

Her parents are coming down really hard on her about it. For sure. And for some ridiculous reason, I feel a little bit bad about how angry they are at her, but this is probably a good thing for the affair.

My kids are 9,6,3. I don't really know any of his family, friends, whatever except my neighbors and a few of their friends, and they already knew. My neighbor feels horrible and he called me to have a beer tonight. I was pretty close with this guy. I told him that I know 100% that he didn't intend to be part of the problem, but that I feel he and his wife were part of the problem. They've known for awhile and didn't tell me.

And I didn't go have a beer with him. Important point I left out.

Has she said she will end the affair?

Have you checked for the OM's Facebook? How close does he live to you? Your neighbors should be able to help you find his parents and such. You must expose on OM's side.

You also need to tell your 6 & 9 year olds.

Please read this. Exposing to Children

Thanks for advice. I will try to get more info for his side of things. I will go read the exposing to children post, but I can't imagine any reason that I would do that to them until we know what's going to happen here. I should probably read it before jumping to conclusions, but my 9 year old is so sensitive that it will destroy him and my 6 year old isn't capable of understanding this yet.

Yes please read the thread. You will see many of the children blamed themselves when they didn't know the truth.

Has your WW said she will end the affair?

Yes find out more on his side so you can expose on his side. If you only do half of an exposure you will find it won't give you the best chance of fighting the affair. You might even find out this isn't his first affair.

She has definitely said she'll end the affair, but only 24 hours in, wouldn't everyone say that? She seems beyond sincere, but I would guess that's natural this early on.

One thing we've done so far is be EXTREMELY careful to not discuss this around the kids. Trust me that we realize they can pick up on everything. That's why I'm saying we haven't exposed yet because they truly don't know anything yet.