Have your children been introduced to the OM? Has he been in your home?

And I would strongly advise you to lose these frenemies who knew of the affair and didn't tell you. These neighbors are the enemy of your marriage and your children's family.

He was here once, she says. I actually believe that because there are very few opportunities when me and all 3 kids are not around. They have never been introduced to him. I work at the same place as her, so I don't see too many opportunities for her to not be at work when she's supposed to be.

And 100% yes on the neighbors. That friendship is OVER. It's hard because I've gone through the experience of knowing about a friend's affair and up until now, it was the most stressful think I've dealt with. I didn't know what to do, so I at least understand how conflicted they must have felt.

How are you getting on with exposing to OM's side?

I have to still think about this one. I'm not positive that provoking him is the best idea without me having a couple days to think about it. Considering our entire family and at least 10 friends already know after 1 day, seems like a good start for me. Not making excuses, honestly and I appreciate your suggestions. Just taking this one step at a time. It's only been 36 hours.

AMM, I understand your reticence, but keep in mind that we have been through this a few thousand times and are not emotionally distraught. It is a best practice to expose to the OM's friends and family. And why is this? It is because OM are abject cowards who will run when the going gets tough. You need to send a strong message that you will not tolerate a fox in the hen house. If you don't, he will keep sniffing around because he will know you wont stand up to him. That is not the kind of message you want to send to an interloper who would destroy your family if you wnot stop him. And we are talking about a guy who brazen enough to to come into your children's home.

Secondly, your children may have been introduced to the OM and have likely heard something. They need to know about the affair. IF you don't tell them you leave them vulnerable to his entrance into your lives.

It is also a suggestion from Dr Harley that you confront the OM and tell him to stay away from your wife and your home. He needs to know you are not a coward who will allow him to assault your marriage and your children's family. Standing up for your marriage may "provoke" him. However, the biggest issue here is provoking YOU. He needs to be informed that is not WISE and won't be tolerated. He should not provoke YOU.

Wow, this post really resonated with me. I hear what you're saying. I know that I'm not in a position to guarantee anything, but I honest to God don't think there is anyway they were exposed to him. My kids talk about everything, like kids do. There are really no opportunities where I wouldn't be home and they were. As hurt and angry as I am at my wife, she would never introduce him to our kids.

Yes, here read these.
"I Encourage BHs to Confront OM" Dr. Harley
"Don't Put up with OM" per Dr Harley

So do I text him since I have his number?? I realize that I need to be careful that it doesn't come off as a threat.

So when I found this out yesterday, I sent this guy 1 text. It read: "This is her husband. I know what's going on. It stops now. You just ruined the lives of three young kids" That last part might come off as dramatic, but I wanted some kind of emotion to be in the text. Should I send another text about being serious that he better not come around my family or contact my wife? I realize this would have to be VERY carefully worded so that it could never be interpreted as a threat.

Yes, she would introduce him to your kids. I am sorry, but she would. You might know your wife but you do not know waywards. We know waywards. And maybe they haven't met him. But by not telling them about the affair the OM is free to move in and out their lives. As their protector and father, it is your job to run this POS off and make sure that door is entirely closed.

When a woman has an affair, her goal is not to keep two men in tow, but to replace her husband. Part of the replacement process is to introduce him to the kids and get the kids accustomed to the new guy. It doesn't sound like it got that far, but if you don't nip this in the bud NOW, that is what you are facing. I can't emphasize enough how important it is to expose the affair and run this rat off before the affair becomes stronger. You have a small window of opportunity right now to kill his affair. I hope you take the advice.

I would first expose the affair to his parents, family and friends. Then go visit this piece of crap with a very big big friend to let him know he better not ever contact your wife again. Don't text him anymore. He will just laugh. This man came in your HOME. he had an affair with your wife. That is too serious to address with a text message.

AMM,
You are going to lose sleep and appetite. You have just experienced a betrayal beyond belief, it is akin to a death. You will feel all sorts of deep emotional pain. Your brain will not rest or give you peace.

All waywards lie, and they especially lie about the adultery. This is ABSOLUTE. Your wife had sexual relations with another man, a kiss = sex in wayward fog babble. They lie about the extent, ALWAYS.

Find the OM relatives, friends, and FB and EXPOSE him. As Melody said, run him off by being strong. They are cowards!!! Do NOT fear this!!

Think about the language you want to use to your kids and expose to them, they deserve to know the truth or they will think something is wrong and make something up or worse blame themselves.


You need to be on high alert, the addict does not put down the crack pipe cold turkey. Addicts will gaslight you to get you off their back to continue the addiction.

Read the exposure thread. Read about Extraordinary precautions, they must be implemented by the wayward.

You came to the right place, listen to the vets here.

He very likely had sex with her in YOUR HOME. Scare that POSOM off.

You should know that men who will NOT get involved with a married woman are much LESS likely to be child molesters than those who do.

You should realize that the man your wife is developing a relationship with is more likely to be a child molester than decent men like you and me.

You should tell your children what is happening. You need them to know who this guy is, know his name, and be able to recognize him. You should tell them that their mother is trying to replace you with this man and that you do not want that to happen. You should warn them that if they are ever taken around him they need to tell you, and you should warn them that he might be dangerous. You should warn them that he should never be allowed to touch them anywhere and tell them that if he ever touches their private parts they need to tell you.

You need to run this guy off ASAP. Like YESTERDAY.

He could have already hurt them, as far as you know. You won't know until you talk to them.

These are very real, harsh issues you are going to have to deal with. These are very real dangers, not only to your marriage but also to your children.

Time to stand up to that POSOM. He needs to be scared of YOU.

OMG, what??? We're talking about this now? Link me some data or studies on this please. Now I have to think about this possibility???

This man should not provoke you again.