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Joined: Nov 2011
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Also, whats the rule on how long should wait before starting to date someone else? A few months?

Thanks

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There is no real rule if you are single. I think some casual dates with various women might help you see that there is choice, rather than pushing to maintain a fixer-upper.

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I would no contact. You are prolonging your pained feelings. A woman will not break up with a man she loves. She might keep one in the wings while looking, though. You don't need to be a back-up choice.

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Originally Posted by PhoenixStar
Also, whats the rule on how long should wait before starting to date someone else? A few months?

Thanks

According to Dr. Harley, you might as well start dating now. It's perfectly fine to date whoever until someone better comes along. Just date, have fun, don't get too involved until you've dated several women and found someone you like.

It's a good idea not to try to become a Buyer too soon.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I've recently determined the difference between the notion of 'good fit' and 'don't belong'.

I learned this recently in relation to hiring and then going through a 90 day orientation and training period with a new hire.

After 80 days I let a new hire go. I sited she did not fit in.

In reality I realized it was more then not 'fitting' in. It sounds harsh but this employee did not belong.

I say this because we put in a huge effort on our side of the fence to help her 'fit in' when we trained her. You have to assume the person is a good fit in the first place in order to later decide they are a poor fit. In this persons case she was a poor fit in the first place. Therefore, you can then say the person did not belong.

It seems this woman you dated did not belong. Going forward it would help you to early on determine your own criteria for a good fit so you can eliminate those whom do not belong in the first place especially around your daughters. With this notion to guide you it will likely help you feel a bit more confident and safe to simply enjoy 'the bloom' of potential relationships.

I'm really proud of my own single daughter. She'd dated a guy way too long and broke up a year ago. She is finally simply dating lots of guys and quickly eliminating the poor fits. For example she was turned off by a guy who had a background of cutting off and giving the silent treatment to family members with a different opinion. Only cost her one coffee date.

Last edited by graceful2b; 05/04/15 09:59 AM.

BW 58
WH 61
married 35 years
2 adult children
2 grandchildren

"Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from dangers and perturbations of love is Hell" c.s. lewis
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I am so grateful and happy to share my testimony. My ex-boyfriend left me for over one year because he believed I was cheating, even though I was innocent. I was heartbroken and had completely lost hope.
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