Ok, I will delete it.

Yes, I sent a email to his boss but never heard anything. I can't even get her to admit her guilt to me. I really thought she would feel guilty and come clean. I think she plans on taking it to her grave.

Do they work together?

Will she take a polygraph?

Schedule a polygraph and then a few days before the test give her a list of questions.

Polygraph Testing

And she needs to change all her contact information.

No, they don't work together. He lives 8 - 9 hrs away. Not sure if she would take a poly. Nothing looked very close.

TX, but you don't her admission to know truth. Does she know you saw all the evidence?

TXCPR,

One approach to the polygraph is you write down a complete list of questions, "were there other affairs?" , perhaps in a notebook and have her write out her answers.

The polygraph expert then asks your WW if she has answered your questions honestly along with some control questions.

However what often happens is that in the car on the way to the polygraph your WW confesses.

Your WW going to the grave without telling her story means you go there with doubt too.

Perhaps you can convince the OMW to give OM a polygraph.

God Bless
Gamma

Yes, she knows I saw the evidence. I took her phone and went over it with her. She denied the affairs. She claimed it was a EM, just words. The things she was saying at the time made no sense. Everything was deleted the next day. She doesn't know I made a copy of the evidence before.

Did you save the evidence? I am confused why you say she denies it is an affair and here you say "she claimed it was an EM." Does "EM" mean emotional affair? That IS an affair.

I think she had another affair several years ago. I don't have as much evidence, but there are some things that were bad. Things like: "We should snuggle", "Hi sweetie pie", "Will you keep me warm", "U make me hard".

The "snuggle and warm" comments go way beyond flirting in my mind. This guy doesn't appear to be in the picture anymore. But it really makes me wonder. 1 affair is bad, if it was 2 affairs....That's overwhelming!

I have become paranoid now. I am evaluating every guy my wife knows.

TXCPR,

It sounds like your WW could be a serial cheater, and also remorseless at that, do you believe your WW will ever be capable of telling the truth.

Did you get tested for STDs / DNA?

Make an appointment for the polygraph and don't allow your WW to determine the questions or venue.

Is your WW now denying the oral sex she confessed in one of your earlier posts?

God Bless
Gamma

Yes, I saved the evidence. My wife started out denying that is was an affair. She claimed it was just a bunch of bad texts. Just words. Then we did marriage counseling and she claimed it was just an EA. She said it never was physical. But the evidence clearly showed it went physical. (deny, deny deny) After about an hour in counseling she said she gave him a blow job but never sex. The counseler said it was physical gave up. I haven't tried talking to her about it for a while, but I thought I might try one more time. I have been trying to not do any "love busters" and this will be that. What do you think? Good idea to try once or not?

My wife has shown no remorse. Maybe she thinks we would automaticly get divorced if she admitted to sex. My wife atleast is treating me good. Not sure if my wife can tell the truth. Sometimes I think I should kick her out of the house until I get the truth. I have been tested and I am fine. I am working on direct questions for the polygraph.

I am also working on open ended questions I would like her to answer before like: Why did this happen? What changes are you going to make so this doesn't happen again? When did the affairs begin? Do you have any other things I need to find out? Or outline of things she needs to follow?

Do I tell her how close I was to filling for divorce? I have all the paperwork done. Should I tell her that will be zero tolerance on another affair. Divorce looks like a tough process but I just don't think I can go through this again.

Your wife doesn't need to show remorse in order for you to recover.

Dr. Harley advises against men kicking their WW out of the house. If you cannot handle living with her anymore, you need to be the one to leave.

I'd skip the open ended questions. She doesn't have a clue what she needs to do to avoid another affair. Instead, this is the list that you both need to follow to make another affair impossible:

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.

Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.


Don't ever threaten divorce. If you are going to divorce, just do it.

Do not leave if she is the one cheating. Find a way to stay in the home and tolerate it.

Leaving is a good way to get slapped with a restraining order or other false domestic violence charge if you ever decide to go back to retrieve something or move back in. Don't think your wife is above that. Probably every one of us who have been targeted with an RO thought their wife was above that.

I knew my WW would never lie and file a phony RO just to get me kicked out of our house, she was above that and I still had some trust in her. Then she did just that. Shocking to see a person you thought to be rational and kind turn into a paranoid manipulator.