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No, she belittles marriage builders, I believe because it was something that I turned to instead of spending the time dealing with her. I think that this is in response to my reading so many different things related to marriage and trying to share them with her. She thinks that I am too indoctrinated in a worldly approach to marriage and should be more focused on it from a spiritual perspective. The thing that she doesn't realize is that the marriage builders principles are highly spiritual.
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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No, she belittles marriage builders, I believe because it was something that I turned to instead of spending the time dealing with her. I think that this is in response to my reading so many different things related to marriage and trying to share them with her. She thinks that I am too indoctrinated in a worldly approach to marriage and should be more focused on it from a spiritual perspective. The thing that she doesn't realize is that the marriage builders principles are highly spiritual. I've done this and seen many men do it, and what has happened is that you have tried to educate your wife, which is disrespectful - a love bank withdrawal. You have to learn to do marriage builders instead of talking to her about it, so that you won't be making love bank withdrawals from trying to educate her but will be making deposits from doing everything taught here. It will turn around after you have made enough love bank deposits for her to fall in love with you.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Jim, I'm not seeing you immersed in the program every day trying to learn how to put it into practice on your side. You were on the radio show a year ago? That's a whole years worth of help from Dr. Harley you could have gotten by listening to the show. If you will really get serious and buckle down you can learn to do all of this regardless of what your wife does. That is the only thing that might make a difference.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Please pay close attention to Markos' last 2 posts. He knows what he's talking about because he paid the price to change and learn.
Can you get some coaching from Steve Harley? Maybe your wife would be willing to explain to him privately what her problems with you are. I think that you are missing her points when you freeze up. Tell her that you want to change and that you would appreciate her help in defining the problems for him so that he can coach you and hold you accountable.
Maybe she would do that? It would be worth the money for you. It's been a year and you are not seeing what she needs you to see.
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As a sidenote:
The communication issue (freezing up) that you are having IS a problem. But it is not the MAIN problem.
And you CAN learn to respond differently to conflict. No matter how upset your wife is.
Listening, staying calm and controlling your reactions is a big part of it. You are an emotional person and you will need to learn how to calm yourself even when your wife is upset. You can learn to be like a firefighter who enters the burning house to save the family. You need training and help.
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So did you hear Dr. Harley'advice?
He said to stay separated since your wife won't stop angry outbursting.
I hope that you can go on the show to discuss it further.
Are the things that your wife is getting mad about present problem or mistakes of the past?
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Didn't Quit, I did not hear Dr Harley's advice. Was it discussed on the radio program? If so, can you give me the date that it aired?...thanks
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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Just a sidenote***
Did you realize that the radio program runs for 23 hours straight? If you commute at all, it is a good time to turn it on. You can pause it and even start at whatever point you left off. It would be great if you could make listening a habit.
Good job MBR App Guy!!!
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Didn't Quit, I did not hear Dr Harley's advice. Was it discussed on the radio program? If so, can you give me the date that it aired?...thanks Yes. They discussed it at the end of yesterday's program. I'll bet that BrainHurts would be glad to post it when it comes up. She tries to keep track.  Anyway, I could try to paraphrase, but they went with a basic premise, which was actually DIFFERENT than what I was thinking. So it will be good for you to respond to them and clarify. Or even go on the show.
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Are the things that your wife is getting mad about present problem or mistakes of the past? [/quote]
Jim-
Is your wife trying to bring up your mistakes of the past to make you feel bad or harp on you? (This was Dr. Harley's thought.)
Or, is she feeling like you don't listen to or acknowledge her complaints? Do you discuss a plan with her to not repeat your lovebusters? (This was my thought.)
So, based on what Dr. Harley said, you should stay separated from your wife until and unless she can learn to stop angry outbursting and using the past to vent anger at you in the present.
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Didn't Quit, I did not hear Dr Harley's advice. Was it discussed on the radio program? If so, can you give me the date that it aired?...thanks Yes. They discussed it at the end of yesterday's program. I'll bet that BrainHurts would be glad to post it when it comes up. She tries to keep track. Yes, I have it on my list when they post it.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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