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Okay, so I read several times in different posts, and I borrowing this statement from a post done on Rocksolid's thread...
"Generally, men can pursue a wife and win her back over time.
However this does not hold true for women.
When a man is done and closes the door it is difficult to win him back."
Why is that? What is the psychology aspect behind that?
Then, what makes a man fall in love again?
Thanks.
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We could speculate about why, but the important thing to understand is that there's not a good track record for women who have tried it.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I think is more about physiological differences, how our brains work and our own hormone cocktails. I think Dr. H talks about this in He Wins She wins, maybe.
But yeah, as Markos said, is just speculation
FBW 36 (me)
DH 35
DD6,DD4,DS1
On Recovery
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Thinking he's going to lose you is a big motivator. You saw that in your own situation, right? He started to change when you stood up to him. If you went into a dark Plan B and insisted that for recovery he would have to agree to extraordinary precautions, you would have a better shot at restoring your marriage. So far he has not been on board with the program. You would need to show him that you are serious. It won't work without a program.
Last edited by nmwb77; 03/20/15 01:49 PM.
Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
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Okay, so I read several times in different posts, and I borrowing this statement from a post done on Rocksolid's thread...
"Generally, men can pursue a wife and win her back over time.
However this does not hold true for women.
When a man is done and closes the door it is difficult to win him back."
Why is that? What is the psychology aspect behind that?
Then, what makes a man fall in love again?
Thanks. I don't remember her name, but Thomas Jefferson fell in love with a woman and wrote letters to her, begging her to come to America and leave her husband. This was after his wife had died... Well, Jefferson kept writing and she never did leave her husband but later was divorced. She then reached out to him...but his letters had already stopped by then and he fell in love with a slave he owned. By that time, Jefferson had moved on and the woman ended up joining a monastic order.
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Thinking he's going to lose you is a big motivator. You saw that in your own situation, right? He started to change when you stood up to him. If you went into a dark Plan B and insisted that for recovery he would have to agree to extraordinary precautions, you would have a better shot at restoring your marriage. So far he has not been on board with the program. You would need to show him that you are serious. It won't work without a program. He probably hasn't been on board because he is angry and hurt. He was lied to and betrayed. It also sounds like he is controlling and that can hinder willingness to follow a program of recovery. Some people prefer to start over rather then repair what has been broken.
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Thinking he's going to lose you is a big motivator. You saw that in your own situation, right? He started to change when you stood up to him. If you went into a dark Plan B and insisted that for recovery he would have to agree to extraordinary precautions, you would have a better shot at restoring your marriage. So far he has not been on board with the program. You would need to show him that you are serious. It won't work without a program. He probably hasn't been on board because he is angry and hurt. He was lied to and betrayed. It also sounds like he is controlling and that can hinder willingness to follow a program of recovery. Some people prefer to start over rather then repair what has been broken. He's not on board because he's got a secret second life. She needs to raise the bar. If he's not going to get on board he has no right to string her along and abuse her by keeping her waiting.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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He had a string of revenge affairs last year, and is now in a current one with a former girlfriend.
Newcase, when are you going to go to Plan B?
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He probably hasn't been on board because he is angry and hurt. He was lied to and betrayed. That's no excuse for a secret second life, though. That's no excuse for privacy in marriage. Some people prefer to start over rather then repair what has been broken. I'm not sure what that has to do with her situation, Jedi, because her husband is not starting over. He's telling her they need to repair what's broken under terms that permit him to have privacy and a secret second life. If he wants to start over, that's his right; divorce attorneys are easy to find. She needs to go to Plan B very soon. Not only to protect herself but also because if and when her husband decides he wants the marriage, we want her to still have willingness to be married to him. Will you help us encourage her to do that?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I can't cite, but my impression of that quote is that it has more to do with "pursuit."
Typically, a man can pursue a wayward wife who has moved out, etc, and win her back. It's an uphill battle, and often a long one.
Women have little success pursuing a wayward husband, however. Partially because women's health can't endure an extended pursuit.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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