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Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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I believe that would be true, I can control myself with my bf in my life. I've done it for almost a year now. I've even given him my passwords for things.
It's just crazy hard that he's the OM. I don't understand this statement. You CAN control yourself with him in your life? You came here today describing yourself as a sex addict. An addict is someone who has no control.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Nope not thrills.
It's called life, and hopefully you'll stay blissfully happy to your hubby the rest of your life.
Too much to go into here. Your cryptic posts are becoming harder to understand. This one makes no sense to me.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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Your posts are not making sense to me, either. If OM is still in your life, you are not in control. You are an addict.
Will you tell your husband?
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968 Likes: 1
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I just can't give up (I refer to him as my boyfriend) OM right now. He's actually been a huge help in keeping me on a constructive path. If I had to say I've ever loved anyone it would be him. This is a lie. To say you never loved someone you married and conceived a child with out of your own free will is a lie.
Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders" 2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more. When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29 Married: 7 years Together: 8 years D-day: 10/5/2014 D filed: 1/22/2015 D Final: 6/4/2015 My story
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 122
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OP
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I believe that would be true, I can control myself with my bf in my life. I've done it for almost a year now. I've even given him my passwords for things.
It's just crazy hard that he's the OM. I don't understand this statement. You CAN control yourself with him in your life? You came here today describing yourself as a sex addict. An addict is someone who has no control. Trust me. I've been through hell the last few years not knowing what was wrong with me. It was because of him that I discovered what was going on and why I couldn't quit every time I told myself I would. It hasn't been easy, it hasn't been fun, I've done some very stupid things I wish I could change, but I cant and it's still a struggle, but I've done it for almost a year now. I'm not going to defend myself over and over to anyone here.
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I've spent months working on recovery. How have you been working on recovery? What actions have you taken towards this? I've been in SAA working the program with a sponsor, and I've had a therapist who specializes in sex addiction besides a counselor who I see sometimes with my husband and sometimes alone.
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Does your sponsor know you have an OM?
Is your OM married?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 122
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I just can't give up (I refer to him as my boyfriend) OM right now. He's actually been a huge help in keeping me on a constructive path. If I had to say I've ever loved anyone it would be him. This is a lie. To say you never loved someone you married and conceived a child with out of your own free will is a lie. You can believe what you like. I was an abused kid who met my husband as a teenager and married him less than six months later. I had no business marrying anyone at that time of my life. I'm lucky he's not a wife beater, but I haven't been happy with him the majority of our marriage. I think I thought I loved him at the time, but honestly, I'm sorry to say I was never in love with him. We have three kids, the last one was not planned.
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Does your sponsor know you have an OM?
Is your OM married? Yes, and yes.
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Your posts are not making sense to me, either. If OM is still in your life, you are not in control. You are an addict.
Will you tell your husband? Not right now, I have a counselor who sees us both and is helping me with that.
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I think I thought I loved him at the time, but honestly, I'm sorry to say I was never in love with him.
We have three kids, the last one was not planned. What (in your view) is the difference between thinking that you love someone and loving them?
Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders" 2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more. When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29 Married: 7 years Together: 8 years D-day: 10/5/2014 D filed: 1/22/2015 D Final: 6/4/2015 My story
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Your posts are not making sense to me, either. If OM is still in your life, you are not in control. You are an addict.
Will you tell your husband? Not right now, I have a counselor who sees us both and is helping me with that. How is it helpful to be in touch with your OM while deceiving your husband? That is not a plan for recovery. It is a plan for failure. Does your "counselor" advocate deceit and adultery? Really?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Your dishonesty is one of your biggest problems and I see that has not changed one bit since you arrived here 3 years ago.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Dishonesty IS your biggest problematic issue.
You will never be able to deal with other issues while continuing to be a secretive and dishonest person.
You feel more intimate with another woman's husband than your own because you are less secretive and dishonest with him than Mr. Goldilocks.
Romance and intimacy can not be built on lies and a secret second life. You must come clean with your husband for you two to ever stand a chance of intimacy and true love.
Your issue magnified to see-lack of love for someone who you have devalued and negated.
Poor man.
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Joined: Jan 2014
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Joined: Jan 2014
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Goldilocks, unless we see a sign that you are serious about ending your affair and using this program, we will lock this thread. Threads like these take away from others who are in serious need of help. Please define your plan to end your affair and use this program. Otherwise, this thread will be locked.
MBDenali@gmail.com
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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Nothing will get better for you until you cut off contact with your affair partner.
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 122
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Joined: Jan 2012
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Goldilocks, unless we see a sign that you are serious about ending your affair and using this program, we will lock this thread. Threads like these take away from others who are in serious need of help. Please define your plan to end your affair and use this program. Otherwise, this thread will be locked. Lock it and throw away the key. I don't know why I thought I'd get help here anyway.
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Joined: Jan 2014
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Posts: 217 |
You won't get help to pursue adultery here. But if you decide you want to end your affair and become serious about using the program, let me know and I will unlock it.
MBDenali@gmail.com
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