My husband takes adult basic education classes twice a week. I am very supportive. I give him positive feedback when he completes assigned tasks and earns good grades on exams. The problem? A single mother in her 20's joined his classroom just after their winter break. She was living in a shelter with her kids. Her life is a mess. My husband told me that she was touching him on his arm and on his knee during class, which upset him and made it difficult for him to focus on the assignment at hand. He told her he's married and to stop. He informed me that she has continued her behavior and he repeatedly rebuffs her. He is very affectionate toward me when I visit the school and very open about how much he loves me and our family. The woman acts nice to my face, then goes after my husband when I'm not around. She even told him, "I hope you don't think I'm trying to get with you." Phony. That sent alarm bells in my head ringing.
It gets worse. Another classmate invited this woman to the church my husband and I just began attending. She is apparently planning to get a ride on the church van, which is my family's mode of transportation. I ask, "God, couldn't she have chosen any other church but this one?"
I trust my husband. He's been absolutely honest with me. It's this predatory female that I don't trust. Thoughts?

WhY does he have to sit next to her?

It is a small classroom and he sits as far away from her as possible.

What would you do if this were a man in the group making unwanted contact with a woman? You would use the school's procedures. They have a duty of care towards their students, and they will also have a code of conduct governing issues such as this. Your husband should make a written request to the school that they speak to the woman and remind her that such conduct is unacceptable in an educational establishment. They will then also have to take steps to ensure the two are never put together for group work, and so on.

As to the bus: I can see you don't want to travel with her, but there is nothing you can do about her travelling on the bus, if she has the right to do so. I can only say that no woman would dare flirt with my husband in front of me, so that would be the end of that concern, but you can always find another way to get to church if you don't want to confront her.

This is all assuming that your husband is making his rejection of her crystal clear, by the way. I have grave doubts that he is doing so. I've seen very annoying and unrealistic TV programmes where a man tries to tell a woman that he is not interested and that he is married, and the woman does not stop trying it on, but I don't believe that happens in real life. I suspect that your husband is giving mixed signals about being flattered.

If he really found her behaviour unacceptable, he would have found a way to make it stop the first time it happened, I'm sorry to say.

I don't think his commitment to you has anything to do with anything. We can all have affairs, given the right circumstances. Your husband is being wishy-washy about this for a reason, I fear.

The Harleys recently addressed a scenario in which a woman might be attracted to Dr. Harley or the other way 'round and what they would do.

In either situation, the Harleys recommend no further contact with the person.

For example, if a woman was obviously attracted to my H, he would tell me about it and we would make every effort to have no further contact with that woman. Even if a spouse is very happy and fulfilled in the marriage, the attraction can still be a temptation.

Your H ought to drop out of the adult ed classes that the young woman also attends, perhaps stop attending altogether or attend somewhere else. You should also consider changing services or even churches to get away from this young woman. Your H should certainly not be allowing a woman to touch his arm or his person or talk with him about personal matters, even if he has to be a bit rude about it.

Since this involves the church I also encourage you to go to your church elders or Pastor and explain this situation to them.
Unfortunately, you may need to just attend another church but I would let the church know why you need to leave.

Personally, I'd show up with my husband at class and loudly tell that woman to stay away from him, making sure everybody around heard. I'd make her feel embarrassed to be seen anywhere near him.

If that didn't chase her off, my husband would quit the class and we'd find a new church.

I have to say I would too. "I don't know why you are pretending to be nice: I know full well my husband has had to tell you to back off" or something.

I dropped out of a class where I was being pestered. There's no point - you can't learn. Either the college remove her or he leaves. He should put it out there flat like that with them.

Same with your church. Even if you have to leave the church they could do with being warned she's a married maneater.

I'd inform the school administration that I am being sexually harassed. That should get some action, and if not, it should be taken up to the next level.

I think that since the Harleys directly addressed this situation, you should probably do what they recommended.

My unease with why your H hasn't put a stop to this behaviour would be resolved if he simply left the class.

I agree, report it to the school/teacher. Your DH should not be in the same room as her...but she should leave, not him.

shoulda, coulda, woulda

If she won't leave and can't be made to leave, then he has to leave.

I'll be curious how willing he is to do this.

The responses in this thread just make me smile. People here at MB have backbone and man, I respect that.

I would agree with everything everyone has said. This is courting disaster to let this woman stay near your DH. Do not spare her any formalities or politeness, she needs to GO.

You might have to create a scene, but consider it a favor to the woman in question. I doubt this is the first man she has tried to attach herself to like this, but I also doubt she has been forcefully told to back off like we are suggesting. Many people are too limp-wristed nowadays for that sort of thing and this woman might need a bigger dose of consequences for this behavior before she understands it is completely inappropriate.

It's possible to run the over-interested woman off, but I think the better solution is to have the H simply drop out of the adult ed classes. He can either attend classes with his wife or find an alternate way of obtaining the class material he desires. They can find another church, if the woman is persistent. I'd let the pastor know and tell him/her not to reveal my address or anything further about me. It's not necessarily likely that the woman would simply leave him alone or that she would find another church.

I am trying to imagine how effective it would be for the guy to actually go to the teacher and report "sexual harassment." Also, he might possibly kind of like the attention, even if it's from someone he sees as a "disaster." We've certainly seen men fall in love with women who are very far below the wife in looks and intelligence.

Also, I've heard Dr. Harley talk about how it's really not unusual for some single women to purposefully go after married men. Why would they do that? Because many single women find that the really good men are married. (Not implying that all unmarried men aren't good marriage material. ) Some of these women have no scruples. This one may be as pure as the driven snow, but I wouldn't take chances.

I already have a GED (since 1992) and am working on a Bachelor's in psychology at State University. DH and I are 48 and 43, with only two teen boys left to raise. DH has informed me that he sits up in the front of the classroom close to the teacher and as far away from this troublemaker as possible, refusing to pay any attention to her.

@Axslinger85, I am prepared to cause a scene if need be to keep my marriage intact and I don't care who doesn't like it. I don't play nice with people who are out to hurt and destroy my family.

I speak up.

Have you verified this?

It's not clear from your replies whether you have received advice that you intend to use, or whether you feel that you have already successfully dealt with the problem.

What can we help you with?

Haven't been on the boards for a while until today. I am not a daily visitor.
Husband informed me that she has backed off. We also have an agreement that I can accompany him to his school or drop in at any time, no advance notice necessary. Next week he is on break.