I have talked to him about many things, too much to list. I have let him know that I would rather be alone than to dwell in the situation we are in. I have not only stated the way I feel, but why I feel that way.

I do not wish to criticize or attack him. I don't want to argue or fight either. I don't want to bring up past hurts even though his actions never changed. I guess what I'm saying is I don't want to resolve the conflicts that over periods of years tore down this marriage. I just want to lay them aside and not be concerned about or care for them. It's easier, less confrontational, less all the stress that I had for so long. He doesn't respond to communication so I think it's best to give gim what he's worked for all these years: a wife that leaves him alone! But the day I decided to just leave him alone, I stopped having any loving or affectionate feelings toward him AND stopped pretty much all marital relations. Now we're roommates living in the same house with our kids.

Plan B would only be possible if I wanted this marriage to get better; and wanted to work things out.

No, I'm not ok with the roommate option: but with him, I really don't desire anything else. If I leave him, it won't be for the hopes of finding someone better. It will be because I feel that staying isn't any more emotionally beneficial than leaving.

It seems that Plan B is for a situation where one spouse is cheating.

But what about marital separation when an affair is not the issue. In your letter, you did not indicate why you had separated. It may have been for reasons other than infidelity.
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In other cases, such as annoying behavior or failure to meet important emotional needs, where thoughtlessness does not reach the level of physical or mental abuse, plan A should be given quite a bit of time and effort before resorting to plan B. Remember, plan A is negotiating (without anger, disrespect or demands) to eliminate the annoying behavior or improve the meeting of emotional needs. A blanket agreement between spouses to follow the Policy of Joint Agreement goes a long way toward eliminating these thoughtless acts, and can also help couples learn to meet each other's needs with enthusiasm. But without that policy, couples often find that they cannot get anywhere with each other through negotiation, and sometimes separation can eventually lead to mutual recognition that they need the Policy of Joint Agreement to help them resolve conflicts.

But, as I mentioned earlier, the risks of separation are great. It should be used only as a last resort to help resolve a fatal flaw in marriage. Once separated, couples often never do reconcile, remaining separated for life, or they eventually divorce. A fact unknown to many is that fifteen to twenty percent of all married couples end their lives permanently separated. These, who are not included in divorce statistics, usually feel that they should not legally divorce for religious reasons. But for most practical purposes, they are as divorced as those legally divorced. Their separation did not create the opportunity for reconciliation, but rather, created an even higher barrier between spouses.

So whenever spouses separate, I usually encourage a plan that moves them toward eventual reconciliation. From your letter, it sounds as if you are moving in that direction, and you simply need to know when it would be the right time to move back together. And you may want to know more about full marital recovery after you have ended your separation.

The four rules to recovery that I recommend after an affair are marital rules that every couple should be following. So they should form the basis for any plan for recovery after a separation. Since the four rules cover every conceivable problem that married couples face, they would address the issue that led to your separation. If you were to follow these four rules as part of your plan for recovery, I guarantee you that you will not only eliminate the problems that led you to separate, but you will also resolve many other conflicts that have prevented you from having a successful marriage.

I encourage you and your husband to make a commitment to follow the Four Rules for a Successful Marriage: Care, Protection, Honesty and Time, and once the commitment is made, end your separation and begin a marriage that will last a lifetime.

Separation for me would be the step between our roommate situation to a divorce. NOT a step to a better marriage. I am not going to even pretend that I would do that to wake him up. I haven't wanted him to "wake up" for a long time now. !

It seems that Plan B is for a situation where one spouse is cheating.