I cant thank you enough for addressing this Brightside. When I first started here, I am more quiet by nature, and when I had questions, rather than finding my voice (as I am now, a bit), I would wait, and read what others post, and when I would find someone who I agreed with, I would either do whatever they had posted, or ask to contact them directly, as it seemed, idk, less...painful to rehash i guess. Anyway, there was a post by someone a while back, and that member mentioned doing exactly that! That members motives were totally different than what I think your husbands seem to be, but the action was the same anyways. I actually talked to that person and asked if that followed the spirit of the program. The answer was that as part of the NC rule, the WS had to hand over the phone, the computer, etc., to the BS for their inspection. This was when the BS started communicating with the OP. While that was NOT for discovery purposes, it was for the purpose of knowing what the OP was doing, and to intentionally inflame the situation and attitude between the WS and the OP. I was shocked. They told me that if left to the WS that they werent confident that the NC would be done. I agreed, at first. Point is, I think there have to be some limits. Not written down ones, as intentions may be different. Your situation is just a bit more unique by the fact that you watch him doing it. You can understand Im sure why he thought it was a good idea at first, of course. However, if it is a few weeks later, and you have been honest (and as open as he has requested), then in the interest in total honesty, he should stop. All that will be accomplished is more undue paranoia (assuming you HAVE been honest), and probably an almost obsessive mania in him. You can not make progress this way. If you have to, to avoid breaking a NC agreement, cancel your email/skype account completely, as that is NOT a violation, and that should do it. Either that, or the idea of the joint message, is the only way you can truly heal. The member I mentioned before was the one who made me see that, as I was in that exact compulsive/manic state myself, and yerned to chat with the OP as my spouse. 3 weeks after I had spoken in private to the other MB member, I was contacted by him again, and he told me that while he did feel it was helpful, at first, his intent was only to hurt and cause pain to the OM, and had been successful, but didnt know when to stop. There was a backlash, and after some soul searching my MB mentor said, he looked in the mirror and knew he had taken it too far. To keep it from coming back on his family any further, he just let the accounts fade away. That wasnt what i wanted to hear, but I believe it to be the right thing.

Sorry all. Now you see why I am more the quiet type. Why I do get going, and care of what I speak, I tend to be like longfellow. Thank you again for bring up some of the odd and unpleasant realities, that occur when healing. Too bad it cant be as easy as a pen stroke, huh?

Mr Brightside,

get a grip here. You are giving dutch people a bad name.
Doe effe normaal joh!
Either work it out with your wife and start having a good marriage, or file for divorce.
If you keep bringing the affair up and making your wife miserable this will end up in divorce anyway. Take your antidepressants and contact Dr. Harley. You cannot change the past, you don't have that power. But you have the power to make the future miserable, by keeping the affair on the front burner.
Start making the future better if you want to keep your family together. Paranoia about the past is not your friend. Make the present so good, that you and her forget about this, ehm, what was that again?