Side issue I know but I would be outraged if someone tried to tell me what to put on top of the pizza I was making. Fine to ask not to have something (say olives) on it but to tell me what to put on it?

If they were lucky they would get handed the project, if they were unlucky they would be wearing it :-)

I wouldn't be outraged if someone told me what they wanted though. If they didn't care what was on it with the exception of x and Y, that's fine too. You might get upset and see their request as a demand but others may not. Different communication styles. I want a person to tell me what they want vs what they don't want so it's clear and we can eat. Too much room for expecting to mind read if a person doesn't plainly say what they prefer on the pizza. That would be 100 x more frustrating for me.

JustDayToDay nailed it. I was making my own pizza and you were thinking that it was coming ready-made from a shop.

Not exactly. It wouldn't matter to me if I was making it or if it was delivered.

He said he felt micro managed when she asked for pizza toppings.

I received a response from Dr. Harley. He said, simply, "I encourage any couple who have exhausted their resources in finding a way to solve their marital problems to participate in the Marriage Builders Online Program." I've also noticed some chatter on my H's thread, asking if I would be willing to participate or at least give my H feedback.

I have three concerns.

First, I have absolutely no interest in doing another "program" that teaches the Harley principles. I'm saturated. Remark has copies of several Harley workbooks that I've filled out for him. My involvement in that regard shouldn't be necessary.

Second, I have no doubt that it has been very successful for a large number of couples. But like P90X, you actually have to DO what it instructs you to DO in order for it to be effective. That has always been my H's problem, and I don't see what "power" an accountability coach has to make him do it, any more than others/counselors have had in the past. I'm afraid for him/us, it will just be a waste of money.

Last, regarding my feedback. Here's what I'm imagining for that:

Yesterday, I told him that I don't believe that he loves me, that I feel like I live under his constant disdain. I pointed out that the people on the forum see the same thing, describing his words as laced with "withering contempt" and disrespect in every other sentence. I said that I believe there are behaviors inherent in the feeling of love for someone, such as wanting to do things to make them happy, sometimes (voluntarily) sacrificially, which he has never demonstrated. I referenced his statement that he felt like giving up what he wanted for what I wanted was like "putting his testicles in my purse." I said he seemed to have entered this marriage with no concept of the idea that maybe *I* wanted something out of it too, and that he had made it all about him since day one. He lies to me about minutia, throws me under the bus for other people, never addresses my complaints. Even his current efforts to save this marriage seem much more to do with not wanting to lose his standard of living than it has to do with me. If I were to die and leave him everything so he could just insert another woman into my role of cook/housekeeper/sex partner, he wouldn't skip a beat.

In his daily report to Dr. Harley this morning, he wrote, "Sheri said she believes my heart is wrong, does not love her, and she wants to end the marriage with a divorce. She said �If I loved her, I would not have deceived her re the toilet� and that is her foundation for judging my heart.... It sickens me to think about a toilet being the end of our marriage." "

I feel like once again he made me out to look like an "unreasonable cow" (thank you SugarCane.) Afterall, what sort of rational human being would judge a M or throw a M out because of one incident with a toilet? And yesterday, he posted on his thread that he had eliminated 3 entire categories of LB's, when I had just told him that I didn't perceive that he had eliminated any LB's. Am I supposed to offer feedback on these inaccuracies? Is this the sort of assessment I'm supposed to do? If so, I don't think I have the desire. If not, how can the coach possibly sort through the BS?

I don't want to commit to something that I'm not going to be able to follow through on. I'm hoping to get a better understanding of what to expect before I do.

Can we back-burner the pizza discussion for now? Does anyone have any feedback on my questions?

I'm not looking for permission, just enough information to make an informed decision.

I'm not giving you permission. I am recommending the course to you, unreservedly. I would do so to anybody.

I must admit that I don't see a clear question in your last post, so I am taking it to be "should I do the course"? And I would always say yes. There is simply nothing like the MB programme - in terms of purpose, goals, action and measurable changes - and it seems to me that having a coach is the answer to all your problems with getting Remark to focus, listen and change.

You say "I don't want to commit to something that I'm not going to be able to follow through". Well, none of us knows if you are going to be able to follow it through, so we can't make any recommendations about that. I can only say that you are clearly interested in working on your marriage because you continue to post here, so work on it with a coach.

Am I supposed to offer feedback on these inaccuracies? Is this the sort of assessment I'm supposed to do? If not, how can the coach possibly sort through the BS?

[quote=JustDaytoDay]Am I supposed to offer feedback on these inaccuracies? Is this the sort of assessment I'm supposed to do?

I'm asking because I've already been doing this with Dr. Harley and with Remark and on the forum for about 6 weeks since we were on the radio program, and it doesn't appear to have much impact on him for the emotional toll it takes on me. I really don't want to commit to a month more of that, much less a year.

I'm asking because I've already been doing this with Dr. Harley and with Remark and on the forum for about 6 weeks since we were on the radio program, and it doesn't appear to have much impact on him for the emotional toll it takes on me. I really don't want to commit to a month more of that, much less a year.

I have to ask, if a person was looking to improve himself, why would he lie to the people that were trying to help him? Why would he claim to understand POJA and be all in, take a break to go do something he knew I didn't agree with, and then come back to the forum to continue professing his commitment?