Hi,

I am after words of advice. I have probably bored my closest friends with my problems. 2 months ago my wife told me she was unhappy, a month later told me she was no longer in love and needed some head space. I told her I would do this and went away for a 5 days. We have known each other for 13 years, married for 10, have 2 children. My wife is always out, at least 4 nights a week dancing and climbing. She has new friends and developed a close relationship with a single guy who shares the same interests. She has told me there is nothing going on but wants to separate. It turns out whilst i was away she stayed at this guys house but has lied to all her closest friends saying she was somewhere else. i know 100% that she was not as I have evidence if I need to present it. She thinks i am controlling, but her constant calls, messages and secret trips to the beach have made me realise that there is something going on. How does one deal with telling her all this if she feels that she does not have to explain herself to me? I do not want to separate but she is not prepared to try to work things out. This is it in a nutshell, but can offer more reasons if someone is prepared to listen. Thanks for reading. PS she has even changed all her passwords and constantly takes her phone with her, even after changing a password.

Thanks again

Welcome to MB and I'm sorry for your pain.

Have you read all of these?
SAA-Start Here First

Do you know who the OM is? Does he have Facebook?

Please read exposure thread and let us know who is on your exposure list.

How old are your children?

Hi, thanks for the prompt response, 8 and 5, my children will be heart broken as anyone would be. Sadly my wife is in denial. He is on FB, like certain posts that she puts on but these have since stopped and now is a persistently carries out activity on messenger and text. The calls and contacts have not stopped since I have been back. I do know him, not met before as she does not want me to.

How to deal with that is another issue. I know the calls will happen and I cannot do anything about it, what I am most deeply distressed about is the lying and sudden determination not to try. Contacts that she makes is >5 times a day on the phone, who knows on social platforms.....

Is it time to call and accept the separation? Maybe, but that will only hurt my kids more. I know that we should not stay together just for the kids, but it is now night 4/4 and she is out again. I feel that is a way for her not to talk about the issues, even if she does it may end up in an argument.

No do not accept the separation if you want to stay married.

You need to expose her affair. Did you read the exposure thread?

Go to his Facebook page and copy and save his contact list before he blocks you.

You need to expose this affair to your and her and OM's family.

Thanks. I do not want to separte but right now that is the only thing she wants, she has not been open enough for me to understand. Copying his profile will make no difference, we are not connected.

I did read the threads, sadly I cannot expose it as someone else will be implicated by the evidence

Sadly, we cannot help you then. Affairs thrive on secrecy, so helping her keep it a secret on serves to fuel the affair. By keeping the secret, you become an accessory to the demise of your marriage.

Who is this other person who would implicated? Are they worth your marriage?

When you get divorced, will you tell your kids "I couldn't fight for my your family because I was protecting" this other person?

You don't have to tell her all this because she already knows.


This is a textbook affair that we see every day and can be killed by exposing it to people of influence in the OM and your WW's life. Ask these people for support in saving your marriage.

You are making strategic mistakes and will lose your family if you cannot find the strength to fight for your family.

It sounds like you are considering doing nothing and, therefore, allowing OM to step in and take your place. He will become your kids stepfather.

Don't do that.