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Joined: Feb 2005
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WhoMe Offline OP
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I have not been on this site for years but am in desperate need of help. My youngest daughter has been in a relationship with a young man for about 3 years and they had a child together last July. Less than one week after giving birth to her son, she was diagnosed with Cancer. She underwent six months of Chemo and is now in remission. Yesterday, she and her boyfriend split up and today she learned that he has been having an affair with her best friend. Those of us here who have been betrayed have heard so many horrible things and even now I am still in shock that two people could do such a terrible thing. I think I am saying all the right things to my daughter, but certainly could use more input in how to help her get through this.


I am the BW,
He is the FWH
D-Day: 12/02/03

Recovered
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Im sorry your daughter is facing such difficulty in life.
Cohabitation outside of marriage usually is unsuccessful. Dr. Harley doesnt even consider it an affair because the partners make no vows or contract with each other.

I encourage you to give your daughter the book Buyers Renters and Freeloaders which will help her learn how to find a good husband.

Joined: Feb 2010
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I'm sure as the mother to your DD and also Grandmother this feels terrible at the moment.

From far away, it seems just as cancer treatment helped DD dodge a bullet, your daughter has now dodged a relationship bullet. It's going to take time to come to terms with these so called friends betraying her, yours, and Childs trust.

Welcome back,


BW 58
WH 61
married 35 years
2 adult children
2 grandchildren

"Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from dangers and perturbations of love is Hell" c.s. lewis
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She should cut him off entirely. No need to extend the interview for marriage after that performance.



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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I am so sorry for your daughter. Bless her.
Being betrayed by a lover and one who is the father of your child is bodywrenching. That she has cancer thankfully in remission to deal with too.....dreadful.
Make sure she is eating properly and sees a doctor to get support dealing with the extra emotional burden.



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WhoMe Offline OP
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As we who have been betrayed, my daughter now knows that this experience is the worst thing to experience. She says that 6 months of chemo was a piece of cake compared to this. She doesn't really believe that someday the pain will be gone, but she is taking my advice and moving on with her life. She has completely cut her former "friend" who she has now learned is also pregnant by the guy. She has seen an attorney and is having a custody and child support document drawn up which insures that he will not be taking her son to the OW's house.

This has been tough on all of us and my FWH is now having to see his daughter hurt in much the same way as he hurt me. It has brought back too many memories.


I am the BW,
He is the FWH
D-Day: 12/02/03

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I am sorry this happened to your daughter. To go through cancer and a betrayal must be devastating!

It sounds like she is doing all the right things. Read up on Plan B and parallel parenting, even though they were not married she could still benefit from no contact with her former boyfriend and best friend.

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This is a devastating blow, but we all know a growing opportunity too.

She can use this opportunity to learn MB and know how to choose a mate going forward, as well as how to affair proof a marriage when she gets there.

Joined: Jun 2013
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It was mentioned earlier, but I would really feel the the book, "Buyers, Renters And Freeloaders" would be really beneficial and insightful for your DD.

LTL

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Originally Posted by WhoMe
She has seen an attorney and is having a custody and child support document drawn up which insures that he will not be taking her son to the OW's house.

I hope DD is being tough and is seeking sole custody...he can have visitation. There is no reason for this guy to share decision making rights with DD. She should not be a softie. If she is, she will have to deal with this guy's foolishness for a long, long time. All rights do NOT have to be shared even if joint custody is awarded.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by BrainHurts

P.S.
That's the short version.

The book gets into substantially more detail with life experience examples. But the Topic Thread is Great for starters.

LTL


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